You And I Begin
by Hikaru-wa-shiawase-ni-eien-ni
Summary: When you meet someone you find yourself falling in love with how do you know if you've really met 'the one?  Bellice, rated M for later chapters.
1. The Beginning

Chapter 1

I know this is an unusual pairing for me to write based on what I've written in the past but well … not only is this a _Twilight_ fanfiction but it is also an Alice x Bella pairing affectionately known as Bellice. I recently read a certain fanfiction (Age Doesn't Matter In Love) that really caught my eyes to this coupling so I couldn't help but love these two in a pairing and that was the end of it. I had to write a fanfiction with their couple pairing! Throughout it will only be Bella's thoughts by the way because like this author I think it's a good idea for everybody to have to agonize with not knowing how Alice feels. Oh and as a warning Bella's slightly OOC and swears, not a whole light but she does, and this is an AU story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyers does.

The Beginning

Finally I had made it here, I finally made it through my dreaded senior year at Phoenix High School and now it was time to face my last years of schooling … college. I was several states away from home now in Seattle, Washington but I felt some comfort in not having to deal with bad memories there. I was more than a little anxious as to who my new roommate would be, I sincerely hoped it would be Angela since she had been my best friend since middle school in seventh grade when we first met. This kid knocked my books all over the floor and she had been the only person kind enough to help me pick them all up since that jerk face just left me to look like a fool. Since then we were the best of friends and had yet to get sick of each other since all those years ago and I was glad to have a constant best friend in my life.

We only went to the same college through pure luck and coincidence that the college had the majors we both wanted to get into, Angela wanted to become a world famous Psychologist and I wanted to get to travel the world with language interpretation. I could almost speak Italian and French as well as English. I also wanted to tack on an Asian language just in case but I was hard pressed to actually pick one because they all seemed so hard due to the difference in language structure. I knew this from an Asian friend I'd made in high school, Thao Mi, I was sad when she had to leave to go back to Vietnam because she was only coming as a temporary transfer student to see what schooling was like in America and how different it was from what she was used to. To be honest I often felt ashamed with how short the school year was here in comparison to what she was used to, 180 days versus 240 at least each year.

The building anticipation was driving me crazy as each step I took brought me closer and closer to the room I would be staying in for a semester. I could feel my heart pounding, hear it drumming wildly in my head, and when I finally reached room number 246 on the second floor of the freshman dorms I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Finally gathering my courage I placed my hand on the doorknob to open the door but before I could turn it in my hand the door opened suddenly and startled me and I let out a startled gasp. My hand felt something soft but hard, toned muscles rippled under my hand, I blinked before I felt a blush envelop my face, covering my cheeks fiercely, and I heard a beautiful laughter accompany my blunder rather then the angry reaction I had expected. I blinked for a moment, again fumbling before realization of what I'd done set in, and I jumped back and tripped to find a hard wall to bang my skull against, ignoring the evident pain throbbing in my head, I apologized profusely, mortified by my clumsiness. The girl panicked upon seeing me hit my head against the wall, after I managed to trip oh so gracefully on the carpet, with an audibly loud thud and asked with an angelic voice if I was all right.

I only felt a slight throbbing sensation but what caught my attention more was the warm hand on the back of my head and another taking hold of my arm gently, carefully. Not quite understanding why I found myself leaning into her caring touch but I felt myself flinch away as I felt her hand graze a tender part of my flesh and she frowned, the frown marred her beautiful features but somehow did not deter her beauty. I finally took note of her appearance and I could not help the blush that stained my cheeks painfully as I noticed how beautiful and adorable her face was. Her hair was a stylish disarray of raven strands, she had magnificent topaz eyes that seemed to peer into my soul effortlessly, she had the most adorable little button nose, her face was flawless and pale, her cheeks were accompanied by dimples, and her lips were full and a pale pink color. The thing that struck me the most about her though was an intoxicating scent I couldn't quite place. It reminded me of Jasmine, Thao Mi smelled like that, too.

I knew I would have a good friend in her as she helped me stand up and carried all of my things in as I stood dumbly where she had placed me, I felt like I was in a haze as her angelic voice called out to me. I shook my head and immediately regretted it because the throb that had become dull suddenly came back with a fierce vengeance and I had to place my hand against a wall to support myself because of the pain it caused me. Before I could even utter a curse I felt an arm wrap around my waist and another was placed gently on my warm hand as I was guided into the room with utmost care and I could feel my cheeks heat up yet again.

I was placed on a bed gently, still feeling light headed from the throbbing pain, and I could see how close her face was to mine as she checked the back of my head yet again and I felt flushed and heated everywhere her body met mine. "Are you okay now?" Her voice was soft and I could hear the worry and concern as I attempted to nod my head but remembered the pain from earlier and stopped abruptly and mumbled a 'yes' hesitantly. I heard her laughter again and I wondered numbly if I had died and gone to heaven because her laughter was the most mesmerizing and beautiful sound I had ever heard in my life. "I won't bite, I promise."

"I-I … I'm not scared of you!" I was mortified with how I was acting after she had been so kind to me already and I tried to utter an apology when her laughter interrupted me.

"I didn't mean that silly! So anyway I'm your roommate, I'm guessing, and my name is Alice Brandon! And if you're not 'scared' of me would you mind telling me your name?"

Her words echoed in my head as I tried to think of a response despite the heat that her touch caused me, the feeling of butterflies flying around my stomach, and this … prickling sensation, it felt like goose bumps were popping up all over my arms from the heat she caused. It burned everywhere she touched me and sent tingles and throbs throughout my body but I couldn't tell why.

"I-I … I'm Bella. Bella Swan." My voice quivered and I couldn't believe how stupid I was being and I felt a strong urge to slap myself in the face to get out of this … state of mind. What the hell was wrong with me? I was acting like a stupid idiot who couldn't think! I felt the urge to slap myself and nearly did so if I didn't notice her hand was still on my head and I nearly sighed but then she would have caught it being as close as she was to me. I couldn't concentrate on anything with her hand on my head first of all, secondly her being this close was distracting me, and thirdly I took notice of her fragrant breath and I felt intoxicated by the scent coming from her. What kind of gum was she chewing to smell so amazing? Or maybe it was the mouth wash or toothpaste she used?

Oh my god I just realized that I had been sitting there and staring at her for at least five minutes after I spoke and I was being an idiot, a complete grade A idiot! I took a deep breath before releasing it to try and calm myself down but it wasn't working out as I had planned because I could _feel_ how close she was because it bounced back at me. I tried to move my head away but to no avail as she kept her hand firmly where it was on the back of my head and I resigned myself to being an idiot around her. My mind just completely shut down on me again until I felt her move away from me and I felt cold where her body heat had been surrounding me previously. What was this feeling? Why was it consuming me and sending aching throbs throughout my entire body?

"I'll go grab an ice pack for you since you seem to be in a bit of a daze and the ice pack will help the swelling go down a bit. I'll be right back ok?" She spoke without any hesitation and she walked with an amazing grace, such agility from her nimble limbs and I couldn't help but notice how lithesome her body was. I found myself staring at her butt and I finally noticed her attire, she was dressed in a white button down shirt and simple jeans.

Before I could stop my body from reacting, or rather my big mouth, a shout poured forth from my mouth, "NO!" I yelled. I blinked in surprise and covered my mouth with my hands realizing what I had just said.

I heard a quiet giggle and I could almost feel my face just cooking from the heat that had enveloped them. It was so embarrassing that I couldn't control my body all of a sudden and what I said and what my body did was completely out of my power. "I will be back soon you silly goose!" she didn't seem to be mocking me in anyway and for that I was immensely thankful for. "I'm just going to go down to the kitchen area and grab an ice pack so I'll be back in five minutes tops." She seemed to be more amused than confused by my actions than anything. Maybe she thought I was being loopy and weird because I had jumbled up my brain earlier? Who knows but I was being weirder than I could ever remember being.

"I, uh, yeah, right." I hated stuttering and stumbling all over my words like that but I couldn't help it. I was making more of a fool of myself than I imagined possible and I resolved to never speak to her unless it was absolutely necessary. Everything was just so confusing now and all I wanted was Angela by my side so we could talk and I could figure this thing out. No, it would be better if I got to talk to Angela I could forget about what an idiot I was being around this stranger, my roommate. I heard another giggle before she smiled and left the room. Her smile made my heart skip a beat and I felt hot all over, not just my cheeks but everywhere and I knew I had to get out of here and find Angela.

I texted Angela quickly asking what dorm room she was in and it turned out she was only down the hall a few rooms. I left the room without thinking and immediately felt the dizziness from my throbbing head but I ignored it and walked with my hand against a wall until room 258 came into view and I knocked hesitantly. I felt a rush of air and soon enough I saw Angela's face come into view and I smiled happily at her.

"Whoa what happened to you Bella?" she asked in a concerned voice and I shot her a confused look and she indicated my stance. I was still using the wall to support most of my weight, which didn't go unnoticed by Angela because she was way too observant. I only smiled in response before another voice caught my attention.

Soon enough Alice came running down the hall from our room to stand next to me "what do you think you're doing? Bella you probably have a concussion and that's why you need to stay in the room and put this ice pack on your head! My goodness gracious when I got back and saw you standing here I thought you'd gone mad or maybe hit your head a little too hard! Come on we have to get back! Oh and your friend can come too." She seemed to add the last part as an after thought.

Angela wrapped an arm around my waist and gently led me down the hallway to my room and soon enough we were sitting on my bed with Angela to my right and Alice to my left. I was sandwiched between them but I didn't mind at all and Alice's movement was gentle and careful as she put the ice pack on my head. "Do you want to lie down so it's a little easier for you? I mean we still have a whole week ahead for you to unpack and settle down so you can just relax for today. My father is a doctor so I know it would be best for you to relax the rest of the day and your friend can stay with you the entire time if you want. I really don't mind." She flashed me another brilliant smile that left me dazed again and I felt Angela moving beside me and her movement seemed to snap me out of my daze.

I could already tell from Angela's look that she was being her observant self about something and it caused curiosity to flood my mind. What was that look on her face for? I really wanted to know what she was thinking at that moment and to be honest sometimes I wish I could read minds, especially Angela's mind, but then other times I knew for sure I would not want to know what was going on in her head. I sighed as I lay down with the ice pack under my head and Alice moved away, and I immediately felt at a loss without her warmth for some odd reason, and sat on her own bed looking around carefully. She seemed to have made her mind up about whatever it was and moved to her luggage and I saw that she had barely anything left in it, most of everything was already in place suggesting she had gotten here very early considering I made it here around 11 this morning.

Angela lay next to me comfortably and I automatically cuddled with her, something I had a habit of doing because when I was younger I would always cuddle with a little husky I had (1). It was an unconscious action I was used to and Angela never seemed to mind and so we were cuddling on my bed. I raised my upper body for a second to adjust myself a little, noticing Alice staring over in our direction. I wondered what she was staring at when she seemed to jerk out of it and looked away. The look on her face, before she noticed my staring, was thoughtful almost in the same way Angela's were when she was being attentive.

Again I felt that want inside me for the ability to read minds because of the thoughtful look on Alice's face and the burning in her eyes. Her eyes were so intense and mesmerizing, realizing where my thoughts were headed I clenched my eyes closed and that's when I felt myself shake a little. I was remembering something from my childhood, a memory that seemed to scorn me always, never leaving me for a moment, always, always in the dark recesses of my mind.

I jumped up realizing that I had fallen asleep while I was thinking earlier and I looked down at my wrist watch to see that it was already three in the afternoon. I sat up slowly and hugged my knees and rested my head against my arms, it was a position of defeat for me, one of utter hopelessness and despair. My thoughts, when they strayed, always came back to that memory, that day that changed me completely from a child to … whatever the hell it is I am now. I felt arms softly wrap around me and knew instinctively that Angela was the one holding me and I turned so I could wrap my arms around her and nuzzle into her neck as I felt tears brimming in my eyes. I felt my utter despair and sorrow dissipate only very slightly from her comforting, warm embrace and I sighed.

"Bella … is it better now? Are you better now?" Angela's voice was soft and gentle. She always spoke the softest and gentlest during these moments of agonizing pain for me. I nodded my head slowly knowing I couldn't speak quite yet.

I pulled back slowly, not wanting to leave her embrace quite yet but knowing I had to eventually, I took a quick peek around the room to see Alice was sitting on her bed reading something, I noticed that her eyes had been on me but then she glanced away quickly. Maybe she didn't want to make it seem like she was intruding? "Yeah, I'll be okay … I think. It … will it always be this way? Will I always have to remember it?" I paused, feeling my emotions in disarray yet again and I took a deep shuddering breath to calm down. "Will … will this … will it always haunt me so much? Can't I forget that it ever happened for at least one day?" I felt the tears in my eyes again but I held them back until eventually they faded away into nearly nothingness.

Angela held me even tighter and I felt myself relax against her a little bit, a faint sigh escaped her lips. I knew why she wanted to be a psychologist, I was her reason and in some ways I felt happy and in others I just wondered. "You know Bella … I think … I will have an answer for you when I'm a world famous psychologist and I can analyze you even better!" She said this part jokingly but there was an underlying seriousness in her eyes I knew so well, I laughed lightly though because of her dramatic face. "I know though that for now, my answer is going to be no because this is something deeply rooted in your mind and it's not something you can forget so easily and you know it wasn't your fault!" She sighed, it was a withering sound, and I pulled back entirely nodding my head.

I gave her the look and she knew that I was going to go for a walk to clear my head and to be alone so I could think. The thing with Angela was I always knew I could depend on her no matter what and that I could count on her to keep my secrets safe. I looked over in Alice's direction to see that she, once again, was looking in my direction over her book I gave her a nod in acknowledgment before walking out the door. It was something that happened to me so long ago but still, it haunted me, stayed in the recesses of my mind waiting to attack me with the memory again and again when I was too relaxed. I always had to keep my guard up somehow but it wasn't happening now, I couldn't bring my guard up for some reason. I sighed as I exited the freshman dorms and headed outside and took in a deep, refreshing, breath of air and broke out into an easy and relaxed jog.

Ten minutes into my jog I realized that my stomach was yelling at me for food, screaming really quite loudly and I stopped mid-step in realization. _Calm down you, you're going to embarrass me if I happen to walk by someone!_ And I ran to the cafeteria they called the 'Wisteria Wing' for some reason, I couldn't be sure since I wasn't really a flower person but it could be because of the purple-blue flowers surrounding the building. I wasn't 100% sure since I was only vaguely aware that the term Wisteria was the name of some kind of flower. I checked my pockets quickly to feel for some form of money or a meal card for my meal plans for this semester. I felt victorious when I took out a slightly bent card.

I walked around aimlessly, having given the cashier my meal card to get it punched, looking at all of the different foods they had on display and something caught my eyes. It looked like an Asian dish that my friend had talked about before being one of her favorite foods from her culture. I tried recalling the name before it hit me, it was one of the simplest names of the foods she had introduced me to, Phơ! I recalled it being very delicious and filling and so I asked for a medium sized bowl of it and walked to an empty table before I heard someone call out my name. I looked around until I saw Angela and Alice along with someone I didn't recognize all sitting at a table for four. Angela sat next to the girl I didn't know, leaving me to sit next to Alice, and so I walked over to them with a smile and sat down easily.

Looking at Angela's dish I noticed that we had gotten the same thing and I smiled wider at that, it seemed that we also had the same taste in foods often. Angela smiled back at me and I felt nostalgia hit me as Angela spoke up "yeah I remember how Thao Mi's mom used to cook this all the time for us and I still can't believe it really took 5 whole hours to make the broth! Oh how I wish we could've spent more time with her or see her one last time before she had to leave and go back you know?" I nodded in agreement before I gave her a look and she knew instantly what I had asked her silently, she gave me a knowing look. "Oh this is my roommate, Bella. Her name is Jessica. Bella is my best friend Jessica and we've been best friends since we were in middle school." Angela finished with a satisfied smile. I returned the look.

Jessica was a brunette but there was something I didn't like about her at first glance but I tried to play nice anyways and shook the hand she put out hesitantly. "Like, oh my god it is like, so nice to meet you!" I knew what it was now, oh my god her voice sounded like nails on a chalk board and her tone was _so_ valley girl I wanted to find a gun and shoot myself in the head to get rid of her annoying voice. Maybe earplugs would work out just as nicely?

I glanced around for a napkin since I knew it would be messy and I saw Angela was prepared with a good amount of napkins at her side and I snatched a few causing a 'hey!' response and I only smiled at her fake glare. She gave up trying to be mad at me and the corners of her lips turned up into an understanding smile. I had almost a year to practice using chopsticks but I could barely handle them still with my innate clumsiness. I gave a quick glance over to Alice to see her eyes dart away from mine quickly and I felt the confusing feelings bubbling in my stomach again and the tingling sensation running up my spine and all over my body. It was just so odd, confusion ran through me again.

The look on Angela's face gave away that she wanted to ask me how I was doing now after a quick jog and I reached out for her hand, feeling the familiar warmth, and I smiled at her and nodded. "How do you do that Bella?" I gave her a questioning look, raised eyebrows and all, and her response was to roll her eyes at me and give my hand a playful smack causing me to laugh. "You know what I mean Bella! You always seem like … its like you can read my mind sometimes and well … I'll admit it's just the tiniest bit freaky."

I gave a theatrical gasp before pulling my hand out of hers and swatting at her hand playfully before saying with as much dramatics as I could "how dare you say such a thing to me! We were friends for all of these years and you insult me so! Well I know where to never place my trust again! Never again shall I speak to you on nights where cold haunting dreams disturb my sleep! We shall never speak again of this and never shall I entrust with you anything again! Be still my lonely breaking heart! Oh how you hath betrayed me, my friend! This ache you have caused, this deep sorrow, cannot be forgotten nor forgiven! Be still as Angela tears us apart! Goodbye Angela, for parting is such sweet sorrow!" I had taken a theater class in high school and this was the outcome. I looked at Angela and we both burst out into laughter just as I finished the very last word and I heard a giggle to my right accompany us and I looked over to see Alice also laughing. Her head was thrown back as laughter erupted from her and a hand covered her stomach before she dropped her head and covered her smiling mouth.

Her laughter was so musical and beautiful that I stopped to listen to her laughter and I felt an urge, no a great _need_ to pull her hand down so she wasn't covering her smile. I shook my head at my own melodramatics and looked over to Angela seeing that perceptive look in her eyes again but she quickly covered it up by shaking her head at me. I smiled sheepishly at her and even brought a hand up to rub the back of my neck, remembering at the last second that running my fingers on the back of my head wouldn't be such a good idea. We gave each other knowing smiles yet again.

Our moment was broken however by that whiny, high pitched squeal of a voice yet again, "you are like, so funny and melodramatic!" I felt my hand clench just a bit but my mouth was a different story, I could feel my teeth gritting almost painfully to try and hold back my urge to just punch her. God I hated her voice! I looked over at Angela just in time to see her cringe at the sound of her roommate's voice and I gave her a knowing, sympathetic look and tried to relax myself again. My jaw became unhinged and finally I stopped gritting my teeth until she spoke up again, everything went undone and I was tense again, clenching and gritting with a locked jaw. "So like, what are we going to do after this? Anybody, like, up for some shopping?" Oh how I wished to punch her or at least tell her to shut up because she squealed when she said 'shopping' and I wished, for a moment, that I had some duck tape so I could just tape that mouth shut.

"You know what, I think it would be better to just head back to our dorm rooms and get everything unpacked since we need to settle in first. I know I do after my exciting morning," I paused and looked over at Alice I noticed that she had indeed been staring again, "right Alice?" My voice softened as I said her name for some reason. I didn't understand what she made me feel and I most certainly didn't understand why I was acting the way I was either. She nodded and replied with a very soft 'yes' and had I not been listening for her response as intently as I was I knew I would not have heard it otherwise.

Silently I wondered what it was about her that just called out to me so strongly, maybe I was going to be really, really good friends with her? That could just be it. I hoped that throughout the semester we would become good friends.

(1) – I actually do this until this day because I've had the little guy since I was 4 years old! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I cuddle with my baby! ^^

Well so there's the first chapter! More will ensue soon enough! ^^ A good start for this story I hope! ^^ Oh and I just realized now today on, 12/13/10, that I titled this chapter after my favorite band JYJ's/TVXQ, international album The Beginning! I am such a TVXQ/JYJ geek! Not that I mind when they're the world's number one, not my biased, and their The Beginning album is currently number 5 in America!^^

姫宮光る


	2. Walk In The Park

Chapter 2

Walk in the Park

The next day after our first encounter Alice had asked me if I wanted to go take a walk with her to the park near the campus after breakfast, to which I agreed to without thought and I inwardly cursed myself. I had woken up early in the morning to unpack my things to find that she was already up and ready. She offered to help me finish settling in and then asked me about taking a walk in the park after we had breakfast and just sat in silence for a few minutes. I didn't mind since walking was a good way to kill time and relax as well. I wanted to ask Angela to join in but I wanted to figure her out more. I opted to just text her instead telling her I would be going for a walk in the park and she texted back a question that baffled me.

_Are you walking with Alice by any chance Bella? Don't want me to ruin your fun alone time do you?;)_ That of course got my face burning a crimson red because as per usual she hit the nail on the head and I wondered if _she_ was the one who could read minds. Alice of course just had to notice my inferno face, though I had hoped she wouldn't, and asked me if I was all right. I nearly screamed in her face in response "YES I'M FINE!", and she, of course, wasn't mad but laughed. She appeared to be the kind of person who wasn't easily angered in the least, she was so laid back I wondered briefly _'what would it take to make her mad?'_

"Well gee no need to scream at me Bella!" I could tell she was only teasing me. Maybe it was the slight lilt in her voice that gave me that impression or perhaps it was the way she raised her eyebrows at me just a bit when she said my name. Whatever it was it made me smile and childishly stick my tongue out at her and I poked her in the ribs, getting an unexpected reaction, something I hadn't expected in the least. She swatted my hand away quickly but not before I saw her body twitching away from me in a way that suggested she was extremely ticklish and not just a little bit.

This little bit of information was stored in my brain for future references and she gave me a look of pure terror as I stood in front of her. I smiled widely and raised my eyebrows and had my hands at the ready at my sides, we stayed in position waiting for the other to make the first move. And then quicker than I thought possible she was darting to my right and she was impossibly fast for someone her size, she was a good seven to eight inches shorter than me. She had a clear advantage with not only surprise but also speed as I came running after her as quickly as I could and I caught up to a few inches from her before I grabbed her around the middle and startled tickling her mercilessly as she struggled in my grip. She was laughing uncontrollably as I continued in my onslaught but I stopped, temporarily, when I heard her voice. Her scent was intoxicating me and I could not help but smell the wonderful scent that was Alice. She smelled like Jasmine, a scent I had absolutely loved when Thao Mi was still living here with us.

She was struggling so I allowed her to turn so she was facing me, she was out of breath and her face was tinged pink and yet she was still beautiful to me. "Ok I surrender! What are your terms for me surrender madam pirate?" Although she said this seriously, and somehow kept a straight face, I couldn't help the laughter that erupted from my throat. She was laughing as well and I could feel her stomach rumble from where my arm was wrapped around her and I felt heat erupting from my core from the action. I let myself smile slightly before letting go of her and saying my bit, as seriously as I could, after her bit of pirate dramatics.

"Me terms are if you don't tease me as much from now on I won't punish ye too much. Now off with you, ye scurvy Alice!" I only maintained a semi serious face because of our earlier silliness, and I still managed to mock her. It was a strange situation I found myself in though, because for some reason my skin burned and prickled when she touched me. Worse yet was how my body seemed to react to her, or rather my body took over for my mind so I was a brainless idiot around her. I hoped she didn't think I was a mental kid or something, but then again how would I have gotten into this college if that were the case?

Everything just felt confusing around her. Why was I so reckless around her, just letting whatever out of my mouth when she is near? I felt the need to be cool and impress her when she was around me but I ended up sound more like brainless shit instead. I sighed and only just noticed how close we were standing then and that she was staring at me, her eyebrows furrowed in concern. I realized that sighs usually indicate sorrow or frustration more often than not.

"Bella? Is everything ok? You … sounded really sad for a second there. I mean people don't sigh just to sigh you know?" She tried to sound cheery at the end but I could tell that she was worried. Not only did her face say so but her body language did too.

"Y-yeah I'm all right. D-don't worry about me. I'm f-fine." I knew then that I didn't sound convincing in the least because of my stuttering, a nervous habit I hated. There was nothing I hated more than my stuttering and clumsy, accident prone ways. The clumsy, accident proneness were more prominent than my stuttering, being a nervous habit and all. It confused me to no end that I was such a nervous wreck and stuttering myself into oblivion around her. Irritating and irrational thoughts continued to plague me but most confusing was the fact that I'd known her for barely a day and I was being so strange. I couldn't understand what was going on with me but more than that I wondered what she thought of me. Would she find it strange that I thought about all of these things? What _did_ she think of me in the first place? Why did I even care? I had never felt so irrational and frustrated in my entire life! This girl was killing my brain without even knowing it.

"Well if you say so. Shall we keep going? There was something I wanted to show you to be honest! I discovered it yesterday after I finished unpacking all of my things!" She was practically gleaming with excitement as she reached for my hand. I felt that burn again when her skin touched mine. A chill ran up to my spine in contrast. It startled and baffled me all at once how she could make me feel so many things in the same moment. It could be that I had a very strong attachment to her as a friend, or more like my soul was calling out to me to be friends with her. Whatever it was it was pulling me to her constantly in a way I wasn't entirely uncomfortable with.

I think maybe god was joking with me, playing cruel jokes on me seriously! I just had to run my mouth in an incredibly stupid way and now things were really, _really_ awkward. I just _had_ to tell Alice how pretty I thought she was and now she couldn't even look me in the eyes! We'd only known each other for what, less than 48 hours and here I am telling her how _hot_ I think she looks in her tank top and shorts! I'm worse than a guy! For crying out loud some guys can keep their mouths shut but I'm a girl telling another girl, my roommate of all things, how fucking hot she looks in a tank top and shorts! For fucks sake I need to get a reign in over my stupid mouth!

She had only stared at me for a few moments after my slip of tongue and looked away at me briefly only to turn back and mumble a soft 'thank you' under her breath with slightly pink cheeks. I felt the urge to run over to a wall, any wall would do fine, and ram my head into it until I fell into unconsciousness to escape the utter embarrassment of what I'd said. Really all I needed was an opportunity to present itself, as in Alice leaving the room momentarily to give me the time to do it. I sorely tempted to just run outside the hallway and ram my head into the wall but in doing so Alice would get wind of it and probably stop me after calling me a psycho path or something like that. I stared at nothing in particular before just getting up and walking into the bathroom to splash my face with the coldest water possible.

"So um … are you hungry yet? Want to go get some lunch or something?" Alice asked me, most likely to get rid of our awkward silence after I sat back down on my bed. Before I could even answer Angela came to stand on the other side of the door and knocked loudly before yelling at us to open up.

I ran to the door, thrust it open with a bit too much force and toppled over. "Oof! Sorry Angie! Agh!" Without much thought I got up, offered my hand to Angela, and walked to the door before proceeding to bang my head against it in frustration.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa hold off there Bella!" I felt a pair of arms snake around my arms and pull me off of the wall I was currently using to vent out my frustrations.

"Now what did I say about banging your head against hard objects Bella?" She paused, waiting for me to answer but I remained silent as I thought about how tempting that wall still looked to me. "Bella?" Still I did not respond to her voice, "ISABELLA MARIE SWAN YOU BETTER DAMN WELL ANSWER ME WHEN I ASK YOU A QUESTION!" she bellowed into my ears. I felt my ears ringing and clapped my hands over my ears, despite her grip on them, as she spoke the word 'you'.

I pulled myself out of her arms and glared at her, which seemed to have no affect on her whatsoever as she smirked in response. "You said I'm never allowed to do that because it would affect my brain cells and that I'll get stupid. Even if I'm still … upset about … _that_ incident I'm not allowed to, even if I'm sad about something else I'm not allowed to. You don't care what my reason is I'm still not allowed to do anything that would harm me knowingly." I sighed as I muttered this under my breath.

Angela gave me a satisfied smile and patted me on the head "good Bella! You remembered!" I playfully snapped my teeth at her finger and she giggled in response. I snapped my head to look in Alice's direction only noticing just now that she was standing behind me, had been standing behind me for quite some time.

"Oh um … A-Alice h-how long h-have you b-been standing th-there for? Um … I'm sorry you um, had to see that. Heh-heh." I felt so nervous realizing how close she was standing to me at that moment. I moved myself away, ever so slightly, to give her some room to move around me if she wanted to. She stood there still, looking at me with her intense topaz colored eyes, with a concerned frown on her face.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok because you just started slamming your head against the wall like that. Well um how about lunch? Are we going or would you rather wait until a little bit longer before we go?" Her voice was soft and there was an emotion in it I couldn't quite decipher in it, but I desperately wanted to. There was something in the tone of her voice that was calling out to me, beguiling and irresistible. I looked away and saw the curious and perceptive look on her face again, her eyes were sharp and alert as they stared between the two of us.

"I uh, yeah I uh, think that's a really good idea actually Alice. Angela would you like to join us in the uh, Wisteria Wing for lunch? This time without um, extra company if you know what I mean." I gave her a meaningful look and she caught on right away, her loud and annoyingly rambunctious roommate.

She merely laughed at me before shaking her head and replied softly, "Yeah Barbie's brunette twin in the living flesh, a nightmare in and of itself." She shuddered dramatically and I had to laugh at that and the image of her in the same room with "Barbie's brunette twin", as she called her, for a whole semester made me feel sympathy. I gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and she swatted my hand playfully before bringing her hand up to her head and pretended to faint on me.

I felt myself falling backwards, with my amazing luck and balance, and found myself falling towards the door with no way to catch my balance. Before I could even fall I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist to keep me perched precariously on them. Angela righted herself just seconds into my free falling moment so I knew whose arms I had to be in without looking behind me.

"Um, thanks," I muttered this under my breath before giving Angela a glare that could wither anybody else but her. She was unfazed by it and was actually smiling at me, "some nerve you have Angela! You know that I'm a huge klutz and yet you insist on doing things that will make me even more likely to hurt myself than I already am just standing on my own two feet!" I realized that I sounded like a complete loser the way I had worded it. I sighed in defeat when she gave me the pout I simply could not resist on children and Angela herself, I glared at her one last time before I turned to Alice to see she was desperately trying to hold in her laughter.

I was speechless and distraught that even my own roommate found this so amusingly hilarious and that she would probably think I was a loser the rest of the semester we would be here! I gave into the pouty puppy-dog face that was creeping onto my face. I could hardly resist the call of that face when it came to me in this kind of situation. Both Angela and Alice looked at my face in alarm and they both tried to appease me unsuccessfully as my face grew into a more prominent puppy-dog look as the seconds ticked by. Alice was trying to sooth me over with words of regret and sincere apologies while Angela, on the other hand, was pulling me into a fierce hug and apologizing to me profusely.

Quite the amusing reaction I got I must say but by no means was this look fake, it had come to me naturally. I sighed and pulled out of Angela's arms and walked past them both, with my arms crossed and into my dorm room and shut them both out. Almost immediately I heard them knocking on the door softly as they said my name, just a touch loudly with panic, and I continued on my way to my bed to sulk. There was an abrupt silence as they stopped knocking and both started whispering to each other.

I instinctively knew what they were going to do, and realized that I really was stupid to forget that Alice was my roommate for one thing and she always carried the keycard with her! I smacked my hand before running over to the door and sitting against it in hopes that they wouldn't be able to push me over when they realized why it wouldn't open. I heard someone say "shit" on the other side of the door before I heard Alice ask Angela for help in pushing the door open. I was knocked over in an instant from their combined weight and I fell flat on my face as the door flew open and hit me before they both toppled over to fall right on me, me being the perfect cushion to soften their fall.

I had knocked my head against, surprise, another wall as I felt someone moving on top of me to get up, most likely, and I groaned. I had turned over before someone fell on me in a heap and I felt hips brushing against my waist, just above my legs, and I groaned again. I smelled something wonderful; a delicious scent enveloped my nostrils as I sniffed the air lightly. They smelled like wild flowers in a field and I could not help but inhale the intoxicating scent that filled my nostrils with every breath I took. I knew it was Alice because of such a fact, Angela usually smelled like the vanilla spray she loved so much or various fruit scents that she particularly loved.

Before I really registered what was happening Alice was sitting on top of me, straddling my waist, as she leaned over me to get a good look at me. I was still very dazed from hitting my head against another wall, thanks to my lovely best friend and roommate's brilliant idea, and having someone fall on me didn't help matters much. I heard an angelic voice that sounded like it was coming from far away even though I knew that it was in fact very close.

I felt something soft and silky rubbing against my cheek and forehead gently, so tenderly it might have been the touch of a parent tending after their child's wounds. I felt them graze a sensitive part of my forehead and I jerked away from the touch purely by instinct.

The longer I was in this dazed state the more I felt myself coming out of it, but it felt like everything was moving very slowly for me somehow. I felt myself being pulled up by the gentle arms of none other than Alice and I was being picked up almost as if I were weightless, did this girl work out or what? I must have weighed at least somewhere around the neighborhood of 109 pounds, probably outweighing her about 15 pounds or so from how thin and small she looks, though not anorexic thin. She had to be at least about a good seven to eight inches shorter than me being that her head reached just under my chin by an inch or so when I stood up straight, standing at five foot nine.

I felt myself being placed gently on my soft mattress and someone was calling out to me, my name sounded so distant. Finally I focused enough out of my dazed state to hear that soft, angelic voice addressing me gently, "are you ok Bella? Bella can you hear me, can you hear my voice? Dear you're going to have to try and concentrate on my voice if you can hear me." I felt myself being pulled up into a sitting position and I felt a body pressing against my back very lightly, I knew it was Alice's breasts pressed against my back. I nodded very slightly and I could hear the smile in her voice the next time she spoke to me. "Good concentrate on me Bella, concentrate on my voice and what I'm saying to you."

I saw Angela standing quietly next to me in my peripherals and I looked over to her, I moved slowly lest my head spin anymore than it already was. I saw the concerned look in her eyes, the worry and guilty look in her eyes from her oh so brilliant master plan to get in here without thinking about my unfortunate accident prone luck. I forgave her for it anyways because not only was she one of the few people I trusted most in this world but she had also been my best friend for so long and we had been through so much together.

"Ok Bella. Try and turn your head around in my direction so I can see how badly you banged your head, if you have a concussion and whatnot all right?" I nodded my head very slightly again and turned my head as fast as my fuzzy head would allow. "All right that's very good Bella, now do you think you can sit up by yourself without using me to support your weight?" I thought about it for a moment and leaned myself forward just a fraction of an inch and felt that that little bit was ok. I went for a little bit more and then I sat so that I was just scarcely an inch away from her and soon enough I found that my head was not spinning as wildly as it had been earlier and that my head was aching less and less.

"I think I'm ok now Alice, Angela," I said Angela's name in a way that she knew she was in trouble for it but that I forgave her anyways. "Now um, maybe we lunch could eat now yeah? I fine feel," I knew instinctively that I had said something wrong but I couldn't figure out what it was that felt wrong. I let it go and looked at Alice and Angela quickly with a flick of my eyes, not really wanting to move my head just in case it still caused me any kind of dizziness.

They both looked at me with undisguised dubious looks and I wanted to tell them off, tell them that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. I held my tongue though because I knew that I was still just cranky about banging my head against another wall and that I would regret whatever came out of my mouth while I was cranky. It had happened before and though Angela had been understanding of the circumstances I couldn't help the guilt that coursed through me when the pain and hurt flashed through her eyes. I felt so bad and such a great and profound regret that I swore should I ever be angry or cranky or upset about something ever again I would hold my tongue no matter what.

I stood up hesitantly, much to Alice and Angela's chagrin and surprise, I immediately felt Alice ghosting up from behind me and Angela was by my side just as swiftly. I felt my head spinning but I held my ground as best I could before I felt myself falling backwards into a warm body much smaller than my own taller frame. I felt arms wrap around my waist to support my weight and soon enough Angela, who had been by my side, was grasping my shoulders lightly.

"I-I'm fine really. I just um, had a dizzy moment guys. I'm ok. I feel fine." Despite my assurances they wouldn't let go of me though I was now standing up straight without really needing the support for a full minute already.

Finally they allowed me to stand by myself and moved away from me, though not more than a few inches away from where I stood. "Well if you are sure you're ok then I guess we will just have to watch over you carefully as we walk I suppose." Alice shrugged to Angela helplessly and I felt annoyance flash through me but still I held my tongue in check.

Lunch was over with little incident, other than the walk to the cafeteria where I stumbled at least two times but that was a daily occurrence in my life anyways without banging my head against a wall. Alice and Angela chatted for most of the time about mundane things and asked each other the usual questions acquaintances asked each other. I had been unusually quiet, even for me, because the entire time I had been lost in thought. I thought about all of the events that had transpired today so far, I thought about what could possibly happen in the future, I thought about how my past haunted me still.

I sighed heavily as I wondered what Alice's reaction would be if I woke up screaming in the middle of the night as I had when in my sleep I wasn't guarded enough and those memories invaded my dreams. I always felt such unbearable guilt and sorrow those nights, more than anything I wished for the hole that had come to replace my heart would disappear. There was one thing I didn't tell anyone, not even Angela who had been my best friend since we first met, this one secret I couldn't bear to keep but would be even agonizing to reveal. Keeping this one thing from Angela, though caused me great pains, was better than revealing it because then … then I would cause her far worse ache and hurt than knowing what I did to myself.

"Hey Bella? Are you ok? You just … you have been really quiet and zoned out for the longest time." I heard Alice's musical voice and it broke through the daze I had been in. I looked up at her in confusion having been so out of it I hadn't caught her words. She must have recognized the uncertainty on my face for she spoke again before I could utter out a word, "I asked you if you were ok. You've been acting oddly … distant for some time now and then you heaved a loud, suffering sigh just a moment ago. You seem … distracted isn't quite the right word … but more than that it seems like you had something weighing heavily on your mind. Do you … want to talk about it? I can leave if you would prefer talking to Angela alone."

Alice was just so polite! How could I possibly refuse with that look on her face, her eyebrows arched up in worry and concern, the caring tone she used to speak, the way her eyes were so expressive and kind? I shook my head and thought for a moment how I wanted to word it. I wondered if I should just tell her what it was that usually weighed on my mind even in my sleep. The only person who really knew what happened was Angela and that alone was a miracle unto itself because of how introverted I usually was.

I looked over to Angela, asking with my eyes what her opinion of the situation was. Angela gave me a look back as if to say it is my decision to make whether I wanted to tell her or not. I gave her a look back to signify that I was hesitant and the look she gave back was one of understanding and love. I sighed and decided that I would just tell her someday but not today, not yet, I wasn't ready to let someone else in just yet.

"I … well I just have a lot on my mind and … it's hard, so very hard for me to … explain what this is. It has … always been difficult for me to … talk about certain aspects of myself and … well this is one of those things that take a while. I … I'll explain to you someday but for now … I just need … time to … sort out my thoughts and … memories." I stopped there feeling the familiar sting in my eyes as I remembered that horrid day that changed my entire life, the day my stupidity and clumsiness cost me something so, so precious to me. The day I wish I could change, the day I wished _I_ was the one who … I shook the thoughts from my head, Angela knowing immediately what that signified came over to me.

"Shh, look at me Bella. Look I know it's hard for you but you have to listen to me, listen to my voice." I was stuck in that one moment in my life, I felt like I was stuck in a world I would never be able to forget even when the day I would eventually draw my last breath. This one moment, this one moment in the past, the one night I would never be able to forget even on my deathbed it would still haunt me. Angela still continued talking to me with that soft tone of voice she always used when I got this way; she even started singing my favorite song, Everlasting. The words "Always, forever, I can never forget you, no matter the distance separating us in this place. I'm sorry for your tenderness, until I can see you again."(1)

Over and over again I kept hearing those words echo hollowly, dully, in my empty broken soul; those words were too close to the truth that was eating away at me. I would never be able to overcome the sorrow, pain, and guilt that those words made me feel in the vacant organ beating on the left side of my chest. After all these feelings are Everlasting, a never ending cycle of memories then soon after the throbbing ache and pain and guilt followed after, never leaving me a day of rest. That day would forever be imprinted in my heart, those memories carved in my brain, the remorse forever engraved in my soul. The words I spoke, the heart I broke, the pain I caused, the eternal regret would never leave me even after the day I die … it would still be there.

(1) – This is a part of the song Everlasting (a Japanese song) by BoA (famous Korean singer known throughout Asia and also had a debut CD in the US last year 2009) that I translated by ear. I thought the song fit very well for what I'm making Bella feel here about what happened to her that day she keeps mentioning. I won't say what yet until much later!^^ This will be a very long story, I hope, so please stick with me!^^

And there we have chapter 2 then! ^^ I hope people actually like this and comment on what they're feeling as I write this.^^

姫宮光る


	3. Daily

Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own You'll Be In My Heart, it belongs to Phil Collins.

Daily

The week before classes seemed to pass by so quickly and Alice and I became good friends quickly and I found out quickly that I was almost as relaxed and comfortable with Alice as I was with Angela, which took time to build. Alice was just so easy to talk to that a lot of things I hadn't even thought of just seemed to slip and our routine become something normal and wonderful. We would wake up around 7 in the mornings for a quick half hour jog, or run depending on how much energy we felt like we needed to get out, and then we would go get some breakfast before breaking apart for our classes, one of which we had in common. We only had English in common before we got to have an hour break for some lunch, and sometimes Angela would join me when Alice had a different lunch schedule.

Before I even realized it time had passed by and I had already been here for an entire month! Time just passed by so quickly because things were so easy with Alice and we spent a lot of time together in our dorm room and outside for some jogging or running. We had so much in common with each other but even our differences seemed to compliment each other and being around Alice was so easy. Everything was just so easy and relaxed that I forgot about my troubles, about the day that forever changed my life and me.

"Bella! I think it's about time we go clothes shopping because we need to get you something other than your tees, jeans, and sweaters!" Alice called as she came into the room, bursting with too much energy and excitement. I groaned audibly from where I sat on my bed and that only got her going more and even more excited, if that was possible. "Come _on_ Bella you need to have _some_ nice clothes in that drab wardrobe of yours! I mean seriously Bella I've never met a single girl in my life who did not own a skirt of some sort!" Alice, I noticed, only got really excited about shopping during the weekends, maybe on a Friday too if she was in the mood, but mostly she just seemed to be conscious of the days for the excuse to shop nonstop.

I looked up at her, big mistake because she was pouting that pout I found deliciously adorable … wait … what the heck am I thinking? I mean yeah she's the embodiment of adorable but … _deliciously_ adorable? My mind seemed to be in the gutter recently and I was making odd comments about Alice in my head and thinking the strangest things.

"Uh … well … you _know_ how much I hate shopping so …," I had to look away from the perfected pout on her face to force myself to continue, "um … m-maybe Angela would be um, more willing to um, … ." I had to stop for a moment because I felt a sensation, like something was rubbing against my neck, and I tried to turn but I felt her hand there to keep me in place. "Um … what exactly are you doing to me?" Even I could hear the nervous edge in my voice though it didn't shake as I had hoped it wouldn't.

I heard her giggle in response and I couldn't help the frustrated growl that escaped my lips because, one of the things, I absolutely could not stand was not knowing what was going on around me. That sensation from earlier came back and I felt myself sighing appreciatively because I realized that she had only been massaging my neck so gently that I hadn't even realized it was her hand there. I could feel a moan trying to crawl up my throat but withheld it as she continued on with what seemed to be expert hands but I did allow my eyes to roll back and my head to settle on her soft chest.

I heard a soft chuckle and I could only smile at that because even I thought my reaction was amusing as well, which Alice seemed to find very comical. I never realized how tense I always was until Alice's magical hands found their way on my neck and shoulders. It felt way too good and I found myself feeling the most relaxed I'd ever felt in my entire life as her gentle fingers continued to touch and knead the pliable skin on my back side. This was such a refreshing change of pace and I felt myself actually dozing off because of how relaxed I felt under her sure and confident touch.

"You seem to be really enjoying this Bella?" Though it was a statement it almost sounded like a question at the same time because of how uncertain she sounded when she said it, it seemed to me. "Gosh you are such a tense person Bella! I've never felt such tense shoulders before! Trust me I know tense shoulders because I've got a doctor father and two older brothers who like to keep themselves fit and that all in itself makes them tense men! It's as if you never let yourself relax even when you are asleep …" she left the end of her sentence hanging and I couldn't help but wonder if she did notice how fitful my sleep always was.

I was a guarded and tense person 24/7 and I knew it but I truly did not think anyone else actually noticed, or knew like Angela would, but Alice seemed to be about as observant as Angela herself. I had to guard myself constantly, even in my dreams, because if I wasn't on guard then I would be attacked and plagued by my own haunting memories and mind. Yes even my mind haunted me when I was unprepared, when I wasn't being cautious enough and let that guard slip even the tiniest bit, my mind would attack me. It would attack brutally with the nightmares … the consequences of my idiot temper and cursed clumsiness that caused so much to change not only in me but in my life.

My shoulders tensed up again as I felt myself burning and dying inside as I was assaulted with my memories and then my entire body tensed up futilely as I tried to fight off the sob that threatened to escape my unsuspecting mind. Alice seemed to notice the signs of my memories coming back to haunt me in the worst of ways and immediately her hands went from my neck to around my shoulders to hug me from behind. She pulled me into her chest further and I felt myself starting to calm just a tiny bit from the contact and then I felt her breath blowing into my ear as she sang Everlasting into my ear softly.

I felt myself shudder in relief and then it hit me. Amazement and bewilderment was plain on my face as I realized she had sung the song in it's entirety from hearing it being sung just once by Angela. Alice's memory must be amazing to be able to do something as astonishing as that and I was a person not easily impressed by any means so what Alice just did was an amazing feat all in itself.

Even more surprising than what she had done, to me, was that I was very, very calm now, somehow, and all of the pain and worry just seemed to disappear in that moment. I was the calmest and the most peaceful I had been since what happened all of those years ago, heck the most peaceful I had ever been in my entire life. I was so relaxed and serene compared to how emotionally unstable I was used to being since my life was changed by one brash decision I made so many years ago.

All these years I already knew I was going crazy out of my mind with the irrepressible guilt, regret, pain, sorrow, anger, and hate I felt. There were so many things, feelings that just welled up inside of me once I realized the irreversible damage I had done in that one reckless choice I had made in my angered sorrow. So many things, words, I wished I could just take back, words I wish I had never have spoken and then so many things I regretted doing and saying back then but nothing … would ever make things right again. There was no way for me to rewind time … to stop time and freeze it so that moment could never have happened.

Alice continued to hold me but I noticed that she was now sitting on the bed behind me as she continued stroking my back gently with one hand while the other was curled around my neck gently. That hand was so gentle as to not be there at all but I could feel the warmth of her fingers anyways, they always seemed to scorch my skin in this flame. I was prepared for it now that we had been roommates for the past month and a half almost and I had had the time I needed to adjust and then prepare my body for the scorching heat her touch caused me.

Despite her touch's affect on me I didn't mind the heat that her touch caused because it felt nice for some reason. It had a calming and soothing affect on me but at the same time I also felt what I could only describe as shots of tingling electricity shoot through my limbs. I felt so safe and protected in her strong, soft arms, carrying my weight with no problems at all like she had before. I knew I was getting too comfortable because of how my head felt a little weightless, the kind of feeling I would get before I fell asleep, and my body felt that same weightlessness as my head.

Before I could control myself I heard a soft sigh of content escape my lips and I heard, more like I felt, a soft, gentle chuckle rumbling from Alice's throat almost imperceptibly. I knew for certain that if I had not been leaning into Alice as much as I was at the moment I would not have caught the sound, rumbling, because it was so soft. Alice shifted a little so that I could lay even more comfortably on her, and I just thought that it was so sweet of her to be so considerate of my comfort when she herself probably wasn't comfortable.

"Comfy Bella?" I could hear the amused tone she used to speak and I wanted to feel annoyed, or at least pretend. I could only manage to mumble something but it came out as an 'mm' sound rather than words. This seemed to only further Alice's amusement with my relaxed state and the tranquil atmosphere between us only seemed to lull me even more into a secured feeling. Everything just felt so right and then I heard her voice again, "Who knows … maybe you'll sleep well this time? Maybe you'll finally get the rest that's been due to you for god knows how long." Something in the tone of her voice startled me, confused me but I couldn't quite make out what it was that was confusing me so much.

"Alice … will you be … my new pillow? You're _so_ comfortable and soft. Aren't you uncomfortable though? I must be heavy on you since … you know … you're so … tiny and all." My words came out in a soft, murmuring slur because of how sleepy I had become in this comfortable and soothing atmosphere she had created as well as how soft her body was. Whenever I felt sleepy or tired my words tended to slur together as if I had been drinking, though I never drank a drop of alcohol in my life. That soft, rumbling laugh came from Alice again and I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips at that but I pretended to be offended anyways. I pouted as I looked up at her through my eyelashes and I could see her cheeks turn pink as she giggled at my expression, oh so serious but pouty, "jus' what are you laughin' 'bout Missy?"

For moments we just stared at each other and I couldn't hold it in anymore as I, too, laughed at how silly I was being and Alice joined in only moments later. I felt a big smile, the eye crinkling kind that I loved; take over as we sat in comfortable silence.

Alice continued to stroke my back softly yet again, and I could feel myself surrendering to the soft whisper touches her fingers gave me. I shuddered a little because of that scorching heat and the electric tingles that shot through me were almost unbearably arousing me at this moment but Alice mistook it as me being cold. "Are you cold Bella? Would you like me to pull a blanket over you?" I shook my head softly, distractedly because I was lost in her warm and comfortable body as well as the scorching and tingling affect her body had on me. I couldn't concentrate on anything but the whispering touches and attention she continued to lavish me with.

Before I even realized it I had fallen asleep on her and I slept … peacefully for once, blissfully peaceful. When I woke up I found myself cuddling into Alice with my head on Alice's shoulder and my arms were wrapped around her waist, snuggled tightly in her arms. Then I felt myself become nervous at the thought of what I might have done or said in my sleep since I know I sleep talk sometimes. Oh god the embarrassment if she knew, if she _heard_ me sleep talking! I remembered my dream very slightly and from the looks of it I might … no never mind I would _NOT_ go there, not now anyways.

I felt Alice stir slightly in my arms, and I panicked though I had not moved since I woke up, and I felt her arms, which were around my shoulders, tighten a little almost as if, dare I say it, to check to make sure I was still here. To make sure I was still sleeping peacefully in her arms? I felt happy at that prospect because that just means she cares about me so much as a good friend! Though it made me happy I felt myself curl up a little with an emotion I was used to but confused by for once; sorrow.

Even though I should be happy, and I was for the most part, there was a lingering feeling, though slight in comparison to my joy, of sadness that tore at me. Why was I sad though? What could I be feeling sad about? I contemplated this fact for a few moments before I felt Alice's prone form push against me so that her body was pressed against me in a way that there was no inch of space left between us. It felt so nice and I felt something like a purr curling in my throat as I fought to keep myself from making any noise whatsoever so this angel could continue sleeping.

My body became rigid as that thought crossed my mind. I had only started noticing how my thoughts had been becoming steadily stranger and stranger for some reason. I was always thinking about Alice and how nice she was and how safe she made me feel, how protected I felt in her arms. There was something about her that was just so welcoming that I couldn't help the direction of my thoughts about her.

I stiffened again when I felt Alice stirring against me, moving her breasts against the area just above my chest, and the moan that left me was unmistakable. It felt so … _erotic_ that I couldn't help the noise I made but that sound was surely enough to wake Alice. A few moments of unbearable silence and tension, on my part, later and I knew she was awake the way her head moved to look down at me. I felt her eyes burning into the top of my head, I wasn't sure if she knew I was awake or not so I just pretended to be neither, neither stirring nor breathing steadily as if I were asleep.

Her next action surprised me greatly, startled me in the most pleasant of ways to be honest, and I felt myself smiling in a stupidly goofy way. She moved her head to bend down a little to kiss the top of my head and her hand moved from where it rested at my sides and I felt her fingers gently run through the length of my hair again in that whisper touch way I loved so much. Then I heard her soft voice calling out to me, "Bella … are you awake yet?" The tone of her voice sent shivers through my body, starting from my spine and moving down to the nerves in my toes even.

Silence and nothing more met her question. I didn't want to be dishonest to Alice though so I nodded my head slowly to let her know I was indeed awake. My voice would have sounded too gruff at this point, having only just woken up from sleep, until I brushed my teeth so I opted to just nod in response to her instead. I heard her give a small exhale of air, maybe a sharp gasp would be a better fitting description, and I felt her body jolt just the tiniest bit. This in itself gave me the impression that she hadn't actually anticipated my answer so I startled her quite a bit in doing so.

Before I could control myself and hold back the trembling in my body I felt myself giving up to the force of the shuddering silent laughter building up in me to become an unadulterated laugh of humor. The sound of joy in my voice was so raw and inviting that soon enough I heard her joining in with me. Laughing like this was something I hadn't done in _years_ even with a best friend like Angela, who could be quite the witty little smart-ass, actually _trying_ to make me laugh! This was a laughter I hadn't experienced in years was a great and surprising joy from the last person I would have expected to bring such a spark into my life.

"I'm really … truly sorry Alice! I didn't know I would … startle you!" I had to pause just twice to gather myself so I wouldn't laugh in between those words of apology. Alice seemed startled by my apology but I just continued on with what I was thinking before I could forget it completely. "I … you know … thought you were actually waiting for an answer so I … I'm just rambling so I guess you should just ignore me or something." I felt my cheeks burning in embarrassment as I, once again, made a fool of myself.

"No, no don't apologize to me Bella. I mean, you know, I'm the one who asked you a question so it's only expected that you would answer me. I was just … I thought you were still sleeping so that did startle me a little but it's not your fault." Her hesitation and slight stuttering surprised me more than what she said. Alice was usually very unflappable person and spoke her words with an eloquent air, rare for anyone in our young generation. When I first heard her speak I had been startled by this fact but it was buried away as the pain in my head at the time had kept me from thinking about it mostly.

There were so many overwhelming feelings enveloping me that I wasn't sure what I was feeling for certain. I felt happy, surprised, giddy, and playful and so much more I couldn't actually identify. I felt like teasing her for being startled by me but then again I also felt like giggling because of how absolutely adorable she was being. Her sudden inability to speak just made the situation and her reaction so much cuter.

"Well at least I'm not the only one who talks to sleeping people." I murmured but she seemed to have caught it somehow, chuckling and sending a rumbling vibration that I felt, and I felt my cheeks burn in response. "Yeah, you weren't supposed to hear that."

"Well what can I say; I have sharp ears, especially since you're lying on my shoulder … right below my ears." Her retort did nothing to lessen my scorching cheeks.

"Yeah well … I only meant … that is uh, I kind of sort of uh, mumble stuff in my sleep." This had to be the lamest comeback I had ever come up with in my life.

"Nice Bella, best comeback I've ever heard in my life." I could practically see her rolling her eyes at me.

"Yeah well so what if I'm not as witty as you Miss Cynical!" I felt like being childish so I pushed myself up with my hands and stuck my tongue out at her. Her face contorted to one of absolute mock horror, and she even raised her hand to cover her mouth in mock surprise. Her eyebrows rose high onto her face and her eyes held a twinkle of playfulness that had me smiling despite myself. My laughter broke out and I could do nothing more than clutch my sides at the hilarity of it all.

"Oh my _word_. Why I have never been so insulted in my life young lady! This is indecency and I need you to stick that … that _lewd_ tongue back in your mouth before it attracts pigs to this room!"

Halfway through her little play of dramatics I had started cracking up at the overly done expression of horror on her face combined with her words. I also collapsed onto her laughing when I lost the strength to hold my weight due to the trembling in my body. My face was now buried in her breasts and they were the softest pillow I'd ever have the pleasure to lie on.

She seemed to freeze for some reason, her body had become extremely rigid under me and I lifted my head up to see the expression on her face. "Hey Alice? What's up? Are you all right?" Something wasn't right because her face was expressionless; she looked like she was in a daze of some sort, but her eyes showed that she was shocked about something, just realizing something.

Just when I thought she had become catatonic she seemed to snap out of it and she looked around the room with wild, topaz eyes. Her eyes landed on my confused and worried face and she seemed to relax for a moment before her eyes widened again at our position. I was leaning over her, my face was only a handful of inches away, and my mid section was covering hers. Only just realizing how close our bodies and faces were got my heart racing rapidly, which made me glad for the fact that my chest wasn't pressing to hers otherwise she would have felt how quickly my heart was beating.

My face flushed at this and I muttered a quick apology before attempting to move away but a hand pushed me down instead. She was hugging me, embracing me with a passion I had never seen in her before, not even as she held me in my time of need. "Bella, please stay here with me. Don't leave, please."

The look in her eyes, the need, the fear, they all prompted me to hold her, to comfort her. So I stayed but I reversed our position from the night so that she was the one lying on me and I wrapped my arm around her waist as the other stroked her back softly. Before I even knew it I had started singing a song softly.

_Come stop your crying it will be all right._

_Just take my hand, hold it tight._

_I will protect you from all around you._

_I will be here don't you cry._

_For one so small you seem so strong._

_My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm._

_This bond between us can't be broken._

_I will be here don't you cry._

'_Cause you'll be in my heart._

_Yes you'll be in my heart._

_From this day on, now and forever more._

_You'll be in my heart no matter what they say._

_You'll be here in my heart always._

_Always._

This was a lullaby my mother would sing to me when I was younger and I had a nightmare of some kind. This song had so much meaning and symbolism for me. Not only was it true that she would be in my heart, a precious friend, but she was someone I felt the need to protect from the evils of this world. I felt the strangest bouts of protectiveness whenever it involved Alice but it could be due to the fact that she was such a tiny little thing.

She stood at about five foot one, five foot two or so and I towered over her at around five foot nine, so maybe the height difference played a role in that feeling. The only reason why I didn't feel half as protective of Angela was the fact that she was only an inch or two shorter than me. I had especially become protective after the life changing event in my life. My destroyed heart and broken soul were crying out to me to protect all of the people who had become important to me after. Then I remembered that I might be able to find my older sister here somewhere.

Alice had become extremely relaxed in my arms and she seemed a step away from sleep in this state. Her body was in a state of complete relaxation and for some reason that made me smile, knowing that I was the cause of it. I shifted slightly to adjust the uncomfortable sensation in shoulder.

Alice seemed to jerk at that and I felt her shifting in my arms as well so that she was now lying on chest instead and she snuggled into me deeper, letting out a content sigh. "You know I think you are a _far_ better pillow than I'll ever be! I mean I know I'm really thin and bony so it would probably be uncomfortable to lie on top of me like that. You must have been really out of it when you said that."

I flushed at that memory as it came back because though I had been out of it I was serious about that. "Yeah well … you _were_ surprisingly comfortable so … yeah."

"Well color me surprised because I would never have thought myself to be a comfortable pillow, maybe a nice boulder or something!" I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yes color me serious because it's the truth!" At this I was also smiling at her with enthusiasm.

I could tell this was going to be an inside joke between us from now on. "Color me pink because I think I'm blushing in embarrassment!" I could only laugh in response because I could tell her cheeks were a bit warmer than they were previously, she was lying on top of me after all.

We had collapsed into silence at this point but then I remembered something I had been meaning to ask but I forgot to this entire time. "Say Alice, what exactly is it you are majoring in? I've been meaning to ask but I forgot to all this time." The last part was just a nervous rambling habit.

For a few seconds no sound broke the silence and I looked down a little to see that Alice had snoozed off. She had an adorable smile on her face and without much thought I gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead. Then realizing what I had just done I panicked and slipped out from under her and sat on the edge of my bed. What in the world was I thinking lately? What could possibly possess me to kiss her while she wasn't even conscious to deny it if she didn't want it? What am I doing? More importantly why am I feeling the way I have been recently? Nothing seemed to make sense anymore except for one thing that has been clear and present all of this time; I like Alice. The question is just how much do I like Alice?

It was unmistakable, undeniable at this point but I would not admit it. If you ignore something for long enough it _will_ go away right? If I ignored this thing, this feeling for long enough it would just disappear like it never happened … right? I really wish I had never realized this, that this had never happened, I could pretend it never happened and maybe then I could forget it … just like that night so long ago I wish I could forget. Maybe, just maybe, if I didn't acknowledge it, it would be as if it never happened, this revelation never made its self known.

There was no way I could deny what had just happened to myself but I could I deny it to Alice? If she were to confront me ever … would I be able to deny anything and everything to her? I knew the answer to that question before I even thought it out in its entirety; no I would never be able to deny Alice anything. I could deny over and over again in my head but I could not, would not be able to deny it out loud to Alice and that scared me. This prospect scared me far too much; this realization was something that could potentially ruin me and our friendship!

I looked back at her for a moment and saw that the smile had disappeared and a frown was marring her features. Making up my mind I got up and grabbed my card key and phone and ran out of the room, out of the building and went for a jog in the dark of night, never suspecting what would happen next. This would be another turning point in my life.

So here's chapter 3! Tell me your thoughts of it in a review please! Oh and what do you think was happening with Alice? What do you think is going to happen to Bella?

姫宮光る


	4. Panic

Chapter 4

Panic

I could tell this entire time that something was off, something was very, very wrong. The moment I set foot out of the building I could feel something strange something evil even. My jogging pace was much quicker than it had been with Alice. With Alice my jog was always a nice and easy pace, this jog however I was starting off at a near sprint because I could feel it, sense that I was being followed by someone with ill intent.

As I jogged around the building to get back I could still feel the presence only now I could also hear their footsteps as they followed me and I was more than a little unnerved by the prospect that someone was following me. Finally nearing the building I felt a pair of dirty, grimy hands grabbing hold of my arm and I yelled out before they could even get a good hold of me.

Panic set in and I tried running away even harder when I heard someone yelling my name. I looked over my shoulder to see a man with dirty blonde hair and nearly black eyes staring back at me and I kept moving as he came after me still. I could hear the familiar voices of Angela and Alice as they came running towards me and the guy didn't give up. He came at me again only this time with a knife in hand and a murderous glint in his eyes. I moved out of his way the first charge and gave him a kick in the back as he stumbled into the air.

Suddenly with speed and accuracy he grabbed Angela, who stood closer to him than Alice, and put the knife at her throat. "Step away from her now, nice and slowly. Put your hands up where I can see them!" His voice was soft but deadly. His concentration was entirely on Alice at the moment so I decided to use this to my advantage. I ran to his get his attention, successfully, but before he could react I kicked the hand holding the knife to the side and punched him in the face with all of my might, causing him to let Angela go.

He fell to the ground and kicked his legs out and got me in the leg and stomach but I got him back as he stood up by giving him a front punch followed by an inverse punch and a back kick. Then he stood in the offensive as I took on a defensive stance, using the martial arts I'd learned to try and predict his moves. I always knew it was a good idea to take those lessons especially with how clumsy I had always been, an innate ability I disliked greatly. He came at me for a punch and I blocked him three times before moving off to the side and punching him right in the jaw and walking back into my previous stance. He came at me again with a kick this time which I blocked with one hand, keeping the other up for any punches, and blocked him again and this time I went for a jab in the chest with my elbow and a back hand fist aimed for his face. He stumbled back even further and I added a side-kick into his stomach for good measure.

Unfortunately for me he noticed the knife right next to him when he fell to the ground, no amount of blocking would protect me from that sharp knife. No matter what I couldn't show him any feeling of fear so I fought to maintain an indifferent air as he took the knife in his hand and held it with a malevolent glint in his eyes. He threw it right at me and it sliced right through my side and I felt the blood gushing out of my wound as he sat there with a smug look on his dirty face. He stood up and ran at me before I could react and I fell over, with him sitting on top of me, an arrogant smirk on his face and I felt my side burn with the contact. The pain seared in my side but I refused to even flinch as he squeezed his legs around my side purposely trying to make me scream.

Ignoring the pain I struggled to his amusement. He continued to smirk as he grabbed my hands and held them together with a single hand as I continued to fight to get out of his grimy clutch on me. He laughed sadistically before he punched me right in the stomach and I felt the oxygen leave my body as he continued to punch increasingly harder and violently. The unbearable pain flashed through me as I turned my head to see that Angela was on the phone, probably reporting to the police about the incident, and Alice was crying as she ran to me. I finally freed my hands and punched him in the head with all the strength I could muster, knocking him off kilter just enough so I could kick him off of me. I struggled to my feet because everything was just pure agony, nothing else could describe this misery.

Alice, ignoring the danger this man presented, ran to me and helped stabilize me as he stood up, even angrier than he was earlier. Before he could take another step towards either of us police sirens could be heard and almost simultaneously shouts of "put your hands up where we can see them" pierced the otherwise silent night. I felt relief wash over my body at the proclamation. As bloody and banged up as he was he struggled against the police's hold over his arms and the handcuffs they were putting around his wrists. I felt smug but I could not even manage to show it on my face because I felt so drained and tired, dizzy and faint.

Somehow I remained conscious as Alice helped me into a standing position and Angela came over to help support my weight as they carried me somewhere. Even though I was conscious everything seemed to be blurring together, nothing made sense, and everything I saw seemed to jumble together and made no sense to me. Everything just blended in together and I could not seem to separate reality from the images that replayed in my mind again and again. I tried to close my eyes to shake the images away but that did absolutely nothing for me but then, through the slightest possibility, a voice came through.

Alice's voice called out to me and finally I managed to open my eyes and take in my surroundings. I was in a hospital room and Alice was sitting right next to me on the bed I was currently occupying and her face showed so much concern. I was finally making sense of things and I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking at Alice.

My eyes burned with unshed tears as I looked into her face, the face of someone I'd come to know and care about so much. She looked back at me with so much concern and care that all I could do was smile as sincerely as I could. She gave me a small smile in return, a weak smile, but it wasn't nearly enough to hide the anguish in her eyes.

Without much thought I reached out to her and gently rubbed her cheek with the back of my hand. Her initial reaction was one of surprise but a moment later she turned my hand to nuzzle her cheek into my palm. The feeling of her soft skin warmed my heart and a joy I had never experienced enveloped me. "Alice I … I'm all right now." I tried to smile at her but she wasn't having any of that.

"Like hell you are! Look at you! Your side is still bleeding profusely and your entire body is bruising most likely as we speak _and _you might have possibly broken several bones in your torso! I mean look at your hand!" My knuckles had bruised badly, probably from punching that filthy bastard so hard. There was even a faint bruise forming on the back of my hand but over all nothing to cry about really. Then again it probably looked worse to Alice because she cares so much. "Gosh this is entirely my fault! If only I had stopped you from leaving earlier then you wouldn't ha- …" she just suddenly stopped speaking and I felt the hairs rising on the back of my head. First off I was shocked at hearing any indecent word coming out of her mouth, even if it was a small baby one compared to what she could have said, and second something was wrong, the way she said it made it sound like she knew this was going to happen somehow.

"Alice, calm down. You couldn't have known this would happen, could you?" She seemed to gasp and was again rigid, just like she had earlier today before the incident just now. Her eyes were glazed over before she seemed to come out of it and she looked over at me with a neutral expression and I felt like she did that to hide something from me. "Alice … you're hiding something from me aren't you?" I felt hurt and I could hear the hurt in my voice and I saw the pain flash through Alice's eyes immediately following my words.

I noticed that even if she could hide whatever with an expressionless face her eyes gave her away because of how expressive they were. I loved how expressive her eyes were before but now it hurt me to see the pain in those amber eyes I had come to love so much. "Look Bella … it's not like I meant to hide this … aspect of me from you but really it's just that, it's just hard for me to talk about it. A lot of people have judged me because of this perspective of me and I didn't think you would but I just never got around to mentioning it."

Now it was my turn to feel guilty and pained because of how accusatory and hurt my voice was just moments ago. "I'm sorry Alice; it's just … well, you know what? It's not like I've told you everything about myself so I can't expect you to tell me everything about yourself. You can take your time if you need it or you don't even have to tell me at all." My guilt lessened slightly at the happy glow in her eyes but it was still present nevertheless.

"Bella I will tell you because I want to!" Before she got to tell me her secret someone came in. A tall blonde man with baby blue eyes and a kind smile walked into the room. "Oh hey dad! Bella this is my father Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Dad this is my roommate Bella Swan!" She was all smiles but I noticed they had different last names and that made me wonder for a moment but I didn't want to appear rude so I took his offered hand.

"Well hello Bella it is good to meet you though I hope next time we meet it will be under better circumstances. It would appear that you have to get an x-ray of your ribs because your legs looked to be ok when you walked in earlier. You will have to take time off of your classes as well because any and all movement will open that wound on your side even if we stitch you up. I think about two or three weeks off will do to give your side enough time to heal so it will close up and hopefully you won't have any scars as a reminder if you are careful."

Great, first he interrupts a tender moment between Alice and me now he's talking about me scarring and taking forever to heal. My day can only get better from here on right? Nope wrong. "If you are ready I can take you to get your x-rays now?" Oh yeah that's going to be a major pain in my ass if I do have a broken rib or two … or more.

I nodded silently and gave Alice one last look before I was gently helped into a wheelchair and wheeled out of the room. I would never be able to forget that look of impossible hurt on her face as she watched me go, there was something she seemed to be telling me with her eyes. I couldn't figure out what it was she was trying to tell me with those beautiful, wet topaz eyes of hers but I could tell that part of it was an unspoken apology the other part … I wasn't quite sure but it looked like guilt.

The next few things I did was all on auto pilot as I was too busy in my mind worrying about Alice and why she had looked so incredibly … guilty. There had to be some reason for her to look so guilty but then again there was also that unspoken apology that seemed to be ingrained in my brain. Those wet, crystal clear eyes that I had become so fond of, that sad forlorn look on her face the unspoken apology and guilt. There was something she was trying to tell me without saying it out loud so I wondered if she wanted me to figure it out before she told me.

Before I even realized it I was already back in the same room as Alice again. She looked at me with such tenderness in her eyes that I felt myself melt a little and I flew into hazy state of mind, daydreaming about her and those gorgeous set of topaz eyes I adored so. Much to my dismay I was jolted back into reality when I heard the door to the room close with an audible shut.

Alice's father strode into the room with his usual grace, and I had to wonder if Alice somehow got that from him even though they looked nothing alike and had different last names. His voice came out softly and gently "all right Bella here's the deal. You have, in technical terms, several broken bones as well as a few cracks and fractures in some of the bones in the same area. That is the good news, there are only three broken ribs shown in the x-rays, however it will take at least a month, if not a little longer, for you to fully recover the cracks and fractures. The bad news is the broken ribs will take about twice as long seeing as it was broken badly during your fight. You will not be able to move on your own for the time being not only because of the broken ribs but the gash in your side was deep. You will not be able to move on your own for a while because of that but if you do otherwise, which I do not advice, you will experience excruciating pain. I will have you be excused from your classes for the next two months or so for the time being, Alice will also be excused for two months as well for your care because you need to be attended to. I have a prescription written here for some painkillers for you. You should take the recommended dosage for the pain when you need it _only_ if you are in pain. Quite frankly too many people become addicted to their pain medication and I don't want you to be one of those many people Bella."

I sat there more than a little shocked. I mean I knew that my injuries were severe but never would I have thought it was to this extent. My face, I could tell, was open and my eyes wide upon hearing how long it would take me to recover from this little fight. I could not believe my ears and I asked in bewilderment, "Are you serious Dr. Cullen? How can you be serious? I-I mean months to heal that damage? It didn't even hurt that much, other than the gash." Throughout my little outburst Alice had grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly in her small hand.

"Bella calm down please. My father is only a doctor, though he may perform life saving miracles everyday he cannot heal you just like that. He has amazing talent and recognition in the medical field but he's not God." I had calmed down just hearing her voice but now I felt so guilty that she mistook my shock for blaming her father for hearing how long my injuries would take to heal.

"No, no, no Alice that-that's not what I-I, I didn't mean it like that I was just … I mean I am in a lot of shock right now that's all. I can't believe that it would take that long for me to heal because I'm not even-I wasn't even wounded that badly aside from the knife piercing my skin. I apologize if it sounded like that Dr. Cullen and Alice; truly I am if it sounded that way." I would have continued but Alice squeezing my hand so tenderly brought me to an abrupt halt and I could feel myself blush hotly in embarrassment. Curse me and my rambling.

Alice giggled at me, probably from seeing my blush, and I could even see a slight smirk on Dr. Cullen's face. "Really Bella it's all right! I understand and I'm sorry for making you feel guilty about it! I was just trying to make a point Bella! Calm down and hold your horses! I only meant to say that my father was only trying to tell you the details and that you shouldn't panic because they are subject to change! It all depends on you and your body how long it will truly take you to heal so stop worrying so much about that okay? Just relax and calm down okay? My dad will take care of everything for you, all the details, and before you know it you will be good as new again!"

Alice wore this big smile on her face as if she had just given me the cure to cancer. I had to admit her smile was one of the most adorable things I had ever seen in my life, especially since she had dimples on her cheeks and at the corner of her lips. I just loved how adorable she was, and she was not adorable just in appearance but she was the most lovable, endearing little thing ever! I had never met someone who embodied and epitomized such a sweet and charming air!

I think I went on with my silent rant a little too long because Alice and Dr. Cullen were both giving me concerned looks, eyebrows raised. "Oh uh, I, um, got a little um, consumed with um, my uh, thoughts. Uh sorry for uh, worrying you uh, so uh, much Alice and uh, Dr. Cullen." I knew I was mumbling incoherently because they were still shooting worried glances to each other before their eyes darted back to me. "Um really you uh, don't have to worry about me!"

At least I didn't stumble half as much this time, only two pauses in hesitation, so they looked slightly reassured. "Well if you two are ready to go I can release you know with a note for your college so that you can relay to your professors what happened and you can take the time you need to heal. The note will say that you need at least eight weeks, approximately, to heal because of the severity of your injuries. And no they are not light injuries as you keep trying to insist they are." He said when I tried to protest, he could probably tell because of my arm.

I knew, from past experience, that I had a bad habit of lifting my arm up and holding my index finger up when I wanted to dissent something. Thinking back on it, it seemed obvious that he had picked up on that since I remembered distinctly doing so earlier when I had tried to 'make light' of my injuries as he had put it earlier. I kept my mouth shut as I knew that it wouldn't help my case any because my body would take as long as it needed to heal and I could do nothing to speed it up other than cooperating.

"You just need time and things will be A-okay soon enough Bella! Just you wait! Now then if you are ready to leave this dreary hospital, no offense dad, then let's get going, get that note, and head off to the new adventures of healing in our room!" Dr. Cullen's response was to simply shake his head at his daughter and I could detect the slight amusement his eyes held as well as the corners of his lips curling up a tiny bit. There was a twinkle in his eyes as he looked on at his hyperactive daughter's energetic smile and I couldn't help how that scene just warmed my heart up. My family life wasn't so picture perfect so I felt ashamed at the slight envy I felt looking on at a proud father and an amazing daughter.

My hands clenched into fists in my lap so I could stop my fidgeting fingers but it was no use, I could already tell that my guilt was becoming more and more overwhelming. There was so much shame, guilt, and pain coming in strong waves for feeling the way I did.

I shook my head to try and clear the thoughts plaguing me once again and immediately I felt her presence beside me. A soft hum was coming from her throat so gently I could scarcely hear it but it was there and I felt myself relax a little. Just her being here next to me comforted me but confused me at the same time. There was never a time I could remember anyone ever being able to comfort me as much as she had with so little effort. Though I was puzzled by such a thing I couldn't bring myself to care at this moment because of how much her being by my side soothed me.

"It's okay Bella. I promise everything will be all right. For now let's just get you home so you can rest, yes?" There were so many emotions thick in her voice that I couldn't tell what it was that caught my attention. So much care and tenderness was present in her voice that it bewildered me but at the same time made my heart beat faster. At that moment I thanked God that there no machines hooked up to me to monitor my heartbeat. Otherwise Alice would probably have a heart attack herself.

Looking back over my shoulder at Dr. Cullen made more confusion cloud my brain. He had a thoughtful look on his face and it frustrated me so much! I mean it's not bad enough that I have Angela, a psychology major of all things, analyzing every little thing involving me and Alice but now her father seemed to be doing the same thing. I became more and more frustrated as the concentrated look on his face seemed to deepen as his brows furrowed and an epiphany seemed to hit him.

"Well then I guess I do want to go home and perhaps get something to eat." I said this a little louder to purposefully get Alice's father's attention, which seemed to succeed in getting his attention. He seemed to literally snap out of his thoughts and smiled at me in an apologetic way and his face seemed to say, without any words, 'right I'm sorry let us proceed out to the nurse's counter then.' "Right Alice if you uh, w-wouldn't uh, m-mind would you uh, y-you know uh, wheel me o-out please." My cheeks, I could feel, were burning red, as if that wasn't bad enough, and I was also stuttering in embarrassment because I had to _ask_ for help.

Asking for help is one of the things that absolutely embarrassed me to death because I hated having to ask when I _should_ be able to do everything for myself. This was something I had developed rather than grew up with after my life was changed by a careless mistake I made years ago. A mistake I had not forgotten over the years and a memory that would not diminish despite the years that had passed since it first happened. That was something I knew I should have put behind me but it wasn't happening any time soon so I could only dream, could only wish for it to be a thing of the past someday.

Alice seemed to be overly amused by my stuttering, burning embarrassment to _further_ my already mortified feelings. "Well my lady your carriage awaits you." She even bowed for further theatrics, making me blush even harder if possible. "This carriage will lead you to our wonderful means of transportation waiting outside for a magical ride to our private home. There I will help my lady to rest on your bed so you can heal properly on your bed of ivory and golden silk!"

It was now both Dr. Cullen and my turn to roll our eyes at her, rather than having Alice doing her usual teasing routine. "Alice you are too much at times! Sometimes I wonder how I ever managed to raise such a strange child!" It would appear that even Dr. Carlisle Cullen could crack jokes at his daughter about being strange. "I even wonder, at some points in my life, how I ended up with such a wonderful but completely eccentric daughter like you when both Esme and I are so normal!" His voice was dripping with sarcasm and amusement laced with an exuberant expression all the while.

"Oh well now I see how it is _father_! I always thought that you said my eccentric, unique ways are what make me _special_ but now you say this? Oh how you wound me father dearest! There is no way I will _ever_ turn to you for comfort ever again! Nevermore shall the raven come to bother me again(1)!" Alice's dramatics coupled with her serious expression, but the expressive twinkling in her eyes gave her away as usual, made it impossible for me and the good doctor to stop our laughter from bursting out. Her dramatics just simply amazed me, in a good way. It was like the domino affect because once I cracked up so did he and then Alice even joined in.

The only problem with this was I was experience extreme pain in my rib area and especially my torn side. I stopped laughing abruptly when the pain became too much and inhaled a sharp intake of breath. With the stop of my laughter Alice and Dr. Cullen both seemed to stop, as if on cue, and looked at me with worried looks. "Oh I'm so sorry Bella! I know I can't help it if I'm just too irresistibly funny but really don't hurt yourself laughing! Honest to gosh though I really don't you to be in any pain so please try to contain yourself." Despite the serious tone she used I could detect a small hint of amusement in her eyes.

"Right well then I really would like to get back to our dorms to rest. Dr. Cullen –"

"Please call me Carlisle Bella."

"– I was wondering if I would have any problems with stomaching certain things. You know what I mean right, about not eating things that are considered 'heavy foods' and such?"

"Well Bella I would think that certain foods along the lines of a huge hunk of steak would be out of the picture for a while. Just large quantities of meat should be avoided as well as having too large a meal. I would try to avoid combinations such as steak and potatoes, even if the steak portion is rather small. Oh yes, also try to avoid too much junk food and salty foods as well! Yes I think that would be all. Alice I think Bella here is ready to go home now." The smile on his face was teasing and I felt a blush and sulk combination on my face, and to my mortification, Alice and Dr. Cu- I mean Dr. Carlisle both burst out into full blown laughter, Dr. Carlisle was unexpectedly mischievous.

I decided they were a dangerous combination of people to be around so I would have to tread carefully when they were together. "Stop teasing the wounded victim here! I mean I _am_ a _victim_ of _assault_ here!" I felt the need to remind them why I was sitting here in a wheelchair for them to embarrass in the first place and from the looks of it I succeeded. I smirked smugly at the sight of their blush. Finally it was their turn to look embarrassed, and the sheepish smiles being directed at me only made me feel even more triumphant.

"W-well you were the one who insisted that your _injuries_ were not serious! _And_ you were the one who told _us_ not to make a big deal out of a little scratch and bruise!" Alice's voice was a mixture of embarrassment and pain, almost as if the reminder of my injuries actually physically hurt her. That was when I noticed yet again an observant look on Dr. Carlisle's face and it made me wonder if Alice was acting out of character in his eyes.

Before I even realized it I was already back in my room and Alice was lifting me up from my wheelchair and placing me on my bed. There was a look in her eyes that seemed to be pleading with me to understand what she was trying to say in silent words. I could tell this was something she had a really hard time with, probably not something she had ever told someone else voluntarily. There in her wonderful topaz eyes I saw a wet shine that made my chest throb.

"Please Alice you know can tell me _anything_ right? I won't judge you and I won't stop being your friend no matter what it is. I promise you this much Alice whatever you say won't change how I see you. I see you as a wonderful young woman who is one of the kindest people I have ever met, not to mention the biggest shopaholic I have ever known in my life." I added the last part with a smirk to try and lighten the mood a bit before becoming serious again. "Really though I have never met someone as kind and selfless as you are, as funny and laid-back, you're just … so amazing." I was shocked at how eloquent I had sounded in this moment, being that I was usually inarticulate, because normally my words came out mumbled and muffled.

"I … I-I don't know what to say. Gosh thank you I … no one's ever said anything that nice to me before! Well it's just, uh that is I don't really know how to begin really. I guess the beginning would be a good place huh?" Her voice was joking but the serious, pained glint in her eyes told me otherwise. Those expressive topaz orbs I completely adored were full of sorrow and heart wrenching ache was so apparent that I felt my heart throb yet again. "I really do hope you don't think any less of me as a person and well … that you don't hate me after hearing my story, my secret."

I felt my eyes prickle as my chest continued to constrict in pain hearing the obvious distress in her voice and seeing the heartache in her eyes. Her story was just so sad but even worse was that evident ache apparent on her face, the painful story she was relaying pulled at my heartstrings.

She started her story simply enough but as each painful word came out of her mouth with the progression of the story I felt myself grow sadder hearing what she had gone through as a child.

"As a child I was always aware that there was something unique about myself, always knew that there was different about, something that set me aside from all of the other children at my school. I first became aware of it when I was at the tender age of five. I remember that day so well, the day everything started changing in my life, the day my first vision occurred. I was playing with some of my friends during recess when I just stopped suddenly and I saw something happen. In my eyes I could see that my one friend, a boy, would kick a ball too hard and it would roll onto the street. What panicked me though was that a girl would attempt to go and retrieve the ball and get hit by a car. When I came back from the vision it was already starting to occur, the ball had already made it onto the street and the girl was already running after it. Before anything bad could happen to her I ran to her just as she was stepping onto the street and pushed her back onto the grass."

Her eyes were glassy, as if she was reliving her memories of a past that had caused her so much pain and sorrow. I wanted to reach out to her and hold her but with my current condition I could do no such thing so I settled for holding her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze of encouragement. She looked a little startled but then she smiled at me warmly before continuing with her story.

"That girl had been upset by me 'pushing' her down but then all of my friends defended me by telling her that was nearly crushed by a car if it weren't for me she would have been hurt worse. Although she accepted what they said grudgingly she was still miffed about the whole incident and would go on to taunt me later on before things started turning for the worst. After the first incident many more followed and eventually as I got older it was being reported to my parents that unusual things were occurring around me. By the time I was eight they, my parents, they abandoned me, left me to fend for myself on some stranger's doorstep. They just left me there without another word because they were sure I was an evil … thing rather than their child. So that's when I landed in the care of my wonderful adoptive parents the Cullen's. Esme and Carlisle already had two other adopted children, Edward and Emmett, but they wanted to add a third, a girl, to their family."

I felt some relief in hearing that she ended up with the Cullen's as her parents but it still made me feel so livid hearing her say that her family would dare abandon her like that! I wanted to find them and ask them how they could possibly do something so horrid to her, so vile and evil! Alice is the closest person to an angel with her kind, tender, and loving heart, open to all. Alice is such a wonderful person so I could not grasp how they could possibly think so ill of her especially at _eight_! I was yet again interrupted from my musings by her musical, melodic voice as she continued on with her tragic story of loss, acceptance, and slight redemption.

"When I was discovered on that doorstep they were shocked to find a desperate eight year old crying her eyes out. I cried silent tears of despair knowing that my family had finally done it, had finally gotten rid of me, the unwanted devil child. I was only uncomfortable for the first few days after adoption but Esme had so much to give and Carlisle was so kind and compassionate. Eventually I forgot about my family's cruelty and accepted the Cullen's into my life completely as my parents and siblings and I love them dearly. Emmett, I would later discover, was an over protective older brother, despite being a huge goofball. When I say huge I mean _huge_! Edward on the other hand is a brooding, quiet, serious thinker kind of guy. He usually keeps to himself but he does have a playful side to him. He is always kind despite how cold he appears to be because of how quiet he usually is. More often than not he keeps his thoughts to himself unless spoken to; he does _not_ take the initiative for any conversation."

I had to laugh a little at Alice's description of her brothers, especially the way she described Emmett's size was just so adorable! The way her eyes went wide as if trying to emphasize the fact but it only made her look even more adorable then she was already being. I wanted to pinch her cheeks while simultaneously yelling 'Awe you are so precious!' but I knew she wouldn't take that well at all so I held my tongue but allowed myself to chuckle.

"All in all I found the perfect family in my adoptive family or rather they found me and accepted me. This is not to say there weren't problems along the way but we worked through them like any family would. At first I was quite a bit opposed to living with them because I had held onto my hope, the belief that one day my family would come back for me. I was living in that fantasy despite the days that turned into weeks that turned into months then years." She sounded so bitter but then again I think I would have been the same way had I been in her position."

"No longer does that dream, that fantasy … that wish, that hope, linger in my heart. Sometimes I truly do wonder whatever happened to them because I never heard from them ever again. Not a single letter or phone call to ask how I was doing, no attempt to contact me to see if I would ever forgive them. Well in some ways that was for the best I think, it helped me forget that I wasn't flesh and blood to this family. It also helped me realize that my true family was with me all along in the Cullen's' and not anybody else, despite blood. Even though I lost my blood parents and sister I gained an even more wonderful family that I could never dream or imagine in all my life. They gave me something more to believe in and something more valuable than even my own blood could give me; love. Their unconditional love for me was worth me to me than any gift my blood family ever gave me."

I smiled at that because I knew that her ending up abandoned, though a cruel move on her family's part, probably was one of the best things they'd ever done for her. They led her to the right family for her and she turned out quite nicely despite what she had had to endure because of how selfish and foolish they truly were to let her go.

"So here I am ten years later! As the years seemed to go by so quickly so did my worry over that part of my life and all the anxiety dissipated slowly but surely. Now, today, I am who I am in part because they abandoned me and gave me such wonderful people to love me as their child unconditionally and also a profound view of the world. I grew up with a caution that most children would never think to have but also I was kind to everyone knowing what it's like to be made fun of and to feel so low because of bullying and isolation. In a world like that I became kinder but with a restriction only I would know the limits of, I also became a good judge of character by studying other's interactions. Though the means by which I gained these intuitive aspects of my personality were more than a little uncalled for I find it something that was more helpful than damaging to me in the long run."

For the next few moments I sat in awe of Alice's life story, just allowing myself to absorb all of the details. I was pretty much frozen as I listened to her story, enthralled by all the details she gave me, amazed that she could remember so much. As each word passed her lips I listened and swallowed the words with many emotions that she created with such a gifted tongue. I felt myself become livid with fury at the thought of her parents, overcome by the sorrow she felt, and the slight pain in her eyes that I could detect. I looked at her to see all of the emotions expressed so plainly in those eyes. I felt overcome with joy seeing the bliss dancing in those topaz eyes I had come to love more and more as we got to know each other more day by day.

There were moments when I felt myself become completely absorbed by the sound of her voice. Everything about how she spoke captivated me in ways that I'd never experienced before. The tone in which she spoke, that beautiful angelic voice, the way her lips moved as she spoke, the emotions she displayed so clearly in her beautiful eyes. I couldn't explain the way I felt so completely entranced by her in that moment, as well as a few other occasions, that I felt like I was completely surrounded by her and her alone. She made me feel new things every second she was with me but talking to her alone like this, hearing her speak such private thoughts to me made these feelings even more intense than they normally were.

The way she wove her story amazed me but the way she expressed her feelings stirred feelings inside me even more than her eyes alone did. I shoved those feelings away from me subconsciously though. The raw emotion and the pureness reflected in her eyes were just a few things that really touched me. What touched me the most, what caught my attention the most, was what she could make me feel, how she could make me feel the same emotions she was just astounded me.

From this day on I vow to myself that I will completely honest with my pixy friend. Also I vow to come clean to her this week. I must tell her what my story is after hearing her story through to the end like this. No matter what I have to tell her what it is that I've kept locked safe away in my heart, my deepest darkest secret. The part of my life I locked up in the dark recesses of my mind and everyday it burned my soul and broke my heart when I wasn't guarded enough to keep the memories of that day at bay. No matter what she may think of me after I finished telling my tale, my life story, I will tell her, even if she should feel disgusted with me, I will tell her. I have to. Though this was a painful part of my past, my history, it is something I have to share with her no matter how it might change our relationship, our friendship, this bond between us.

So there we have our chapter 4! Tell me what you think in a review! Oh and this chapter is the longest thus far with just a little over 7,350 words total. My plan had been to increase each chapter length by about 200 words or so after setting the pace with the first chapter starting at about 4,500 but maybe that's not going to work out as well as I planned? Well maybe better than I planned at this rate. Also I might have a harder time with keeping updates within the same week because I will be busy with college so I'll try to post something up at least once a month unless I have a break to write a lot more. Feedback would be _really_ nice to know how many people are actually committed to this story. I mean it's nice seeing proclamations of this being favorited and story alerts but reviews are better for telling me how people feel about the development and also a better motivation.

姫宮光る


	5. Distractions

Chapter 5

Distractions

Today was my first day after the whole drama ridden night and I felt like a fish out of water. Everything seemed different just because now I didn't have to go to my classes, I was excused for the next two months it would seem, and also I am now in Alice's complete care. Well that is rather Angela and Alice's complete care but the real point is Alice. Alice just completely consumed my being and I was hyper aware of her every second she was near me. She decided that it would be best for me to have her bunking with me in my bed in case anything happened. Last night just made me even more aware of her but in a way that I wasn't wary of her but rather her presence. That, even to me, didn't make any sense at all yet at the same time it did.

This morning at seven, an ungodly hour in my eyes, my lovely best friend Angela came to me, pounding the door like a madwoman. That all in its' self just made things worse because I ended up jumping, despite my severe injuries, onto poor tiny, unsuspecting Alice. My pain seemed to double when I fell on top of her, perhaps due to how bony she truly was. I felt myself cringing in pain and despite my best efforts to school my face into a neutral expression Alice seemed to notice anyways.

"Bella! Bella are you all right? Darn that Angela!" Alice was helping me up with such careful, tender movements that I could hardly concentrate on the pain shooting through my entire body at the moment. Once she had successfully set me up into a sitting position she moved herself out from under me and practically ran to the door to open it. I could tell even before she started speaking, before she even got to the door, that she was furious with Angela. "What in the hell were you thinking when you started pounding on the door? You not only scared Bella shitless but you also made her move unnecessarily and hurt her already sore body! God! Well there's nothing to help it I guess." Though Alice started out angry she seemed to calm down greatly by the end of it and she actually sounded slightly apologetic for being so mad. Well I finally discovered what it would take to make Alice angry at least.

One mystery solved and several more to go.

I sighed in resignation yet again to both Angela's outrageous behavior and Alice's kind temperament. Sometimes she was too docile for words while Angela on the other hand could be brash and unpredictable. The contrast was very apparent during moments like this when Angela did something much too arbitrary and extreme and Alice was left to clean up the mess, being the responsible little pixy that she is.

Angela looked at both of us apologetically before she was ushered in by Alice. Alice huffed slightly in annoyance but I could already see that she had forgiven Angela by the look in her eyes. Her eyes were a light topaz color and I felt myself become lost in those warm pools of melted honey. My breath hitched slightly and realizing what it might come out as I played it off as pain from shifting slightly. It worked out pretty well since I contorted my face just the right way before 'attempting' to slip into my poker face, one of my most famous stoic expressions.

Angela looked at me with such pity in her eyes that I felt a soft smile tugging at the corners of my lips in appreciation. If I could fool even Angela into thinking nothing of my hitching breath then I was becoming even better at hiding my emotions. I mean Angela is my best friend and has known me for about six years but I fooled her this once. I felt a mixture of guilt and a profound pride in being able to do such a thing.

"So, Bella, how are you feeling now? Is it still really painful? How bad are your injuries? Do you have any broken bones?" She asked this all in a succession of a single breath and yet again her brash and curious nature seemed to take over. She really never knew how to be tactful in these situations, or keep things to herself, and it made me laugh at times and annoyed me most other times.

"Whoa, Angela, ask one question at a time if you will please! Gosh you have no tact whatsoever sometimes Ange! Well how to start, rather where to start? Let's see according to Dr. Cullen I will need at least something about two months or so to heal up and uh, well I have a few broken ribs and several cracks in that area as well. Not to mention that there is a deep gash on my side and that alone will take at least two or three weeks to fully heal alone considering how deeply that knife impaled me." I spoke slowly, trying to remember all the little details Dr. Cullen had given me but then I realized I forgot to answer the last question she had asked me. "Oh and yes it is still a bit, uh, painful at the moment." I heard a snort and knew without looking in her direction that it was Alice snorting at that last comment.

"Oh is that so? That long huh? I wish we could just go back to that night and I could have stopped it from happening somehow you know? I mean after everything you had to go through and then when things seem to finally be settling down here you are again. It seems like you'll never get a break from all of these things does it?" Angela smiled at me bitterly and I could not help the pain that shot through me, a pain that had absolutely nothing to do with my current wounded state. This pain was one of the heart and as clichéd as it might sound it was something that rang so true in my mind and my echoing memories.

"Really, Angela, you know I'm okay right now. Things will be okay eventually hopefully. I know its hard but you'll just have to let me deal with these things on my own no matter how painful it may get for me don't worry too much. Sometimes it's a wonder I've made it this far in life with how extremely clumsy I am, isn't it Ange? Don't worry because as much as a mother hen loves her chicks she's going to have to let them off on their own someday you know?" Angela and I both smiled at this because I was always comparing her to a mother hen being that she sometimes worried about me as much as a parent would their own child. I quickly glanced with my peripherals to see that Alice also had a small smile tugging in the corner of her lips at the comparison as well.

"Yes well Bella, a mother can't help but worry so you leave me alone to my mothering of my sweet, little, baby girl!"

My mouth dropped in horror at how she decided to word her retort. "Well you know what? Children grow up into adults and this little baby girl of yours has flown the nest and is now in the process of getting a degree for work!"

"M-my baby is all grown up now!" There were even tears glistening in her eyes at this point, fake of course.

"Yes and she's got a job, home, and her own personal life to worry about. Sorry mama bear but baby bear has her own life now!"

"_NO~!_ My baby –"

"Um, I think you guys are taking it a little bit too far now."

"– Is leaving me all by myself to become an old, lonely maid! I don't know what to do with my lonely miserable childless life anymore!"

I couldn't take anymore of our silly bantering and I burst out laughing at our silly antics. Holding in the painful laughter was futile but once I started I felt the pain in my body multiply. I stopped laughing as soon as I started, feeling my stomach contract painfully. "Ow!" I groaned at the utterly agonizing pain I felt from the wounds that did not want to be disturbed even by happiness in the form of laughter.

Looking up from my hunched position I saw Alice's look of disapproval and I couldn't help but smile at how protective she seemed to be of me. "Angela please don't make Bella laugh at anything … unnecessary for the time being because she has yet to take any painkillers as well as it could cause her healing time to slow down even more if she's agitating the bones around her stomach with laughter." Although Alice's face showed a slight disapproval even though her eyes and tone were still gentle and kind in her reprimand.

Angela for the most part looked like a child at a loss for words, not knowing exactly how to apologize. I could see the regret and the unspoken remorse in her expression easily so I decided to just shrug and brush it off. Angela looked much too close to crying for my tastes and Alice looked like she was torn between the idea of kicking Angela out of our room and letting her stay despite the danger of me laughing too much, or at all rather.

"Well um, Angela, if you don't mind I would like to get some more rest and maybe you could I don't know, get me up during a normal time? Maybe at around ten would be nice because seven is an ungodly hour to people who are not in high school. Thanks best friend!" Sarcasm was dripping from my voice heavily at this point and with a fake valley girl voice at the end as well.

"Oh yeah sorry about that Bella but I couldn't help but be worried about you! It's not like everyday you see your best friend being beaten by some strange man like that so, yeah I freaked out. I couldn't sleep because I was so worried about how you were doing after that! They made me go home because I'm not family or anything, Alice is obviously the doctor's daughter so she was an exception. I couldn't help but worry Bella and, well, I thought if Alice is there then I can at least feel some peace about having to leave." Angela seemed to be sincerely contrite about the whole situation and her being rash about it. I sighed before nodding in acceptance, it was one of the few things I could do without causing my sides to become painfully aware of movement.

"Well seeing as your reasons were what they were I can't really blame you Angela." As it was if the situation had been reversed I know I would have been upset and anxious to see Angela as soon as possible, or rather as soon as I was up and ready. "You know I just really want to rest a little longer because I'm rather drained so maybe next time wait a few more hours and then come to see me? I know how I would feel if the situation had been reversed yesterday I would definitely react the same way you did but … well … try to be a little bit more conscious of the time next time please." There was really no way for me to say how it was any plainer than that.

"I'm sorry Bella, really I am. Well I'll come back later to see you I guess since you do need your rest and all." Angela came up to me and gave my cheek a kiss, which stunned me momentarily before I snapped out of it and I gave her a smile in return. I reached for her hand and gave her hand a firm squeeze before bringing it up to my lips to place a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. Angela in turn seemed to also be momentarily stunned with my action as well.

Angela left after our tender moment and when I looked at Alice, a distant look on her face that made my heart throb was what greeted me. Alice had another emotion practically screaming at me to understand what she was feeling but the only way I could decipher it confused me entirely; hurt and agony. Why did she look like she was in so much pain? As if she was experience the most agonizing pain in the world? She looked like a person being tormented but refused to acknowledge it in any way except for the look in her eyes.

"Alice? Um are you feeling ok? You look really hurt or something right now." Alice seemed to snap out of it after a moment and schooled her features into a much more neutral face that became a smile. Despite that it didn't fool me because the tortured look was still so very present in her eyes and I felt hurt by the fact that she didn't want to tell me why she looked at me that way. It hurt that she was trying to hide the agony she was feeling from me like that for some reason I didn't quite understand the extent of. "Alice please, _please_ do not try to hide it from me. I can clearly see the pain and hurt in your eyes but I want to know _why_ I can see such an emotion in your eyes and why you are trying to hide it from me. I … I thought we were going to be honest with each other today." In spite of my best efforts I couldn't hide or deny the pain in my voice or the slight accusatory tone I used.

"Oh gosh, Bella! I didn't mean for it to seem that way but I just didn't want you to worry about my problems! The thing is, well, the truth is I just … seeing you two interact the way you do made me feel … I don't know actually how to say this. Well I felt such overwhelming warmth seeing your bond that I was reminded of how my own family will never look at me that way, _ever_. The only one who ever really cared about me was my little sister, Cynthia. She's actually about a year and a half younger than me so she was old enough to love me unconditionally and remember me from that time so long ago. You two are as close as sisters, maybe even closer, but I wish, I dream, I hope, so much that one day we can somehow be reunited because she was my dearest family member." I felt bad, no bad wasn't strong enough to describe this feeling, more than guilt even, I felt ashamed of how accusatory my voice had sounded when I spoke without knowing her reason.

"I'm so sorry Alice! I shouldn't have acted so … I shouldn't have said that without knowing your reasons! I'm so, so sorry Alice rea–" Alice's finger interrupted me as she placed it on my lips gently. I felt a fire burning in the pit of my stomach just feeling her skin against my lips but more than that I felt my entire body warm in reaction to just this small action. Confused at how I was reacting I blinked and allowed my eyes to stay closed for only a few seconds, in an attempt to collect my thoughts, and opened them slowly only to see Alice's face was only a few centimeters away from my own. This caused my heart to start beating erratically and wildly in my chest from our close proximity. _If I tilt my head up only very slightly our lips would be touching …_ whoa! My wandering thoughts were not a good sign at _all_ because I promised myself that I would not lose our precious friendship over my lack of self-control.

"Listen, Bella, today is our honest day, I know, but you need to rest for a little bit longer before we can have our conversation ok?" The pleading look in Alice's eyes and the slight pout that I found myself falling in love with were all present on her adorable face and I caved. Nodding my head was the first sign of defeat for this impossibly perfect pixie to see the white flag I was waving. All of these feelings made me want to surrender to the thoughts that always seem to plague me when Alice is near me.

"Yeah, I understand. Sorry for being so impatient."

"No really Bella it's ok I just, well, it's so hard for me to explain what exactly happens and it might freak you out to be honest. I've never told anyone about it since the incident with my biological parents, aside from my family now, and it's not something I want to talk about very often. Well to put it simply I … I believe I have visions of the future but they are subjective. What I mean by that is I have visions of what will happen in the future based on what someone else's decisions are. You might have noticed at times that I appear to be staring off into space but that actually means I am having a vision. I often become disoriented when someone changes a decision they are making. If they change their mind too often because of indecision I see every scenario play out but then it changes into another scene and then another and another and it causes me to become dizzy." Alice sounded nervous the entire time she spoke and I just wanted to reach out and take her hand into mine to try and ease her if only to comfort her a little bit about revealing this kind of information, something that had caused her so many problems before.

For a moment I just sat there to digest all of the information but that seemed to cause Alice's already taut nerves to boil over because she looked away, but not before I could see the pain in her beautiful golden eyes. I reached over, despite the pain the movement caused my torso, and grabbed her hand in mine before she could get up and move away. I gasped at the pain before clenching my eyes shut and gritting my teeth in an attempt to hold back any other embarrassing noises from escaping the confines of my mouth.

"Alice, Alice wait. I'm sorry if you misunderstood me." My voice sounded strained even to me as I tried to calm her down. She looked over at me in worry having heard the strain in my voice to keep out the groans of pain trying to escape with a passion as I continued to pull at my stomach, no matter how slight, in my turned position. "I didn't say anything yet because … I was trying to take in all of what you just told me. I mean it's not everyday your friend and roommate tells you that they have visions of the future, right? I actually find it quite a bit fascinating and very cool to be honest. Ugh." Trust my accursed throat to betray me! That traitorous mouth let that groan escape and now I felt myself tightening my stomach muscles only to cause more pain!

"Bella don't try to talk anymore because you're only irritating your wounds even more! Just try to get a bit more rest and then we'll talk, please? I really don't you to be in pain while we talk and it can wait because you are still very much injured!" I opened my mouth to protest and yet again her finger found its way to my lips, causing them to close automatically, and I found myself lost in my thoughts about how wonderful her skin tasted. I wanted to take hold of that digit in my mouth but once again the sensible me scolded myself for thinking about that kind of thing. "I promise you we will talk as soon as you wake up Bella. I promise you okay?" At the last word she added a smile that had me melting and unable to form coherent words so I opted to nod my head in concurrence.

"Um, uh, c-could you, um, you know, uh, help me, um, d-down?" Once again I cursed my traitorous mouth for betraying me and stumbling the way it did.

Alice grinned in my direction and I could swear I heard a giggle of some sort escape her mouth but very briefly as to not embarrass me any further. I thought that was going to be the end of it before I heard her speak with a barely controlled voice, "you know, I simply adore it when you stumble over your words like that! I think it truly is the single most adorable thing I have ever heard in my life! You are just too cute for words Bella!" She appeared genuine enough but that didn't stop me from blushing and I found another traitorous part of myself to scold internally.

"S-stop doing th-that Alice!" Despite the determined tone I tried to use it didn't override my embarrassment in the least, my furiously red cheeks a testament to that. If anything me speaking at all caused Alice to become even more humored and she could barely contain the giggles she was just bursting to let out. I could see her shaking form from trying to contain her laughter very barely. Irritation at how traitorous my mouth and body in general was being I slapped my hand against my forehead in a, now popular, face-palm fashion. My blushing cheeks are, in my humble opinion, the biggest epic fail that could ever exist in the world being that I can hardly control the blasted redness of it all to hide anything. "I-it's too embarrassing a-and hardly something t-to adore!" I could swear I sounded like a broken robot, repeating the beginning of every other word I spoke.

"Awe Bella, don't say something like that! You can't deny me my adoration of that aspect of you! I just think you are one of the most adorable people I have ever met in my life! I mean you have such an adorable stutter, you have such cute expressions when you are frustrated, confused, annoyed, and even when you pout it's just so _adorable_! Your cuteness is almost too much to bear and sometimes I feel as if I'll get a cavity watching you! Oh gosh now that I'm gushing about it all I'll be able to think about now is all of your cute points for the rest of the day! But in all seriousness I love how open and adorable you are and I find all of these different sides of you endearing." As if my molten face wasn't enough of an indicator to my embarrassment my ears, neck, and even my chest felt like they had become molten lava.

"Really Alice, I feel as if you're trying to give me a big head if you talk about me that way! It's just so … s-so e-embarrassing to h-hear someone talk about me as if I was s-somebody great, special …" my thoughts trailed off into nothing. I found myself once again drawn back into a world of dark thoughts, the memories kept in the dark recesses of my mind always waiting for an opportunity to present itself in the forefront of my mind. The memories of that not so distant day came back at me with a vengeance I had gotten used to over the years. The pain from that day, the tears I shed, the consuming sorrow, all of the self-hatred came back to me anew.

Alice's worried voice somehow penetrated the thick fog that had become my prison. Her face was full of concern and I felt myself actually shake my head to clear my head of the haunting images in my mind. It was almost heartbreaking seeing that kind of emotion on her face. I wanted to do everything in my power to cheer her up if only to comfort her or at least distract her from whatever was causing her concern.

"Bella, are you all right? This isn't the first time this has happened nor will it be the last, I suspect. I … I don't want to sound accusatory in anyway but … is there … something you are hiding from me, some kind of secret that you don't want anyone to know? If there is something that is … bugging you in particular I don't want to pressure you into talking about it but … if you want to talk to me just know that nothing you say will change my view of you as a person. You are someone who is very important to me, a dear … friend to me and I don't like to see that haunted look in your eyes and not knowing what to do! If there's anything I can do to help … please tell me Bella."

There was this pleading look in her eyes that made me feel all of my inner walls crumble, my defenses broke and I was vulnerable, I was naked, my emotions were now plain to see. Being this unguarded was unnerving because I always had all of my guards up so I wouldn't have to see a repeat of those images that haunted me so. Never had I been so unguarded since the day my life changed so drastically. I felt so completely drained now that I didn't have all of that weighing me down. It felt good to let myself relax completely even as those images replayed over and over again in my mind. Before I could get another word out I felt myself fall back against my bed. I heard Alice calling my name in a panic but I couldn't hear much else. The world around me turned black before I knew it, could realize it.

I woke up feeling strangely serene. That was the first thing I noticed upon waking other than the fact that I felt very safe and protected, enveloped in a protective glow of warmth. The second thing I noticed was arms encompassing me in a gentle and caring manner and I loved it. I knew who it was even before I opened my eyes; Alice. I could instinctively smell her wonderful scent; Jasmine. I felt so intoxicated by her scent, it filled me with the pleasant feeling of peace, and it made me feel so serene to be enveloped by such a wonderful scent. Her head was just under my chin and so I could smell her easily.

I was brought out of my reverie by movement from her warm body nearly lying on top of me. Her head was on my chest, just under my shoulder and I could feel the short edges of her raven hair tickling me, while her arms were wrapped tightly around my waist. What surprised me most was the fact that her legs had somehow become intertwined with mine during our nap. Alice seemed to be stirring from her sleep because she was moving around and her arms, still wrapped around me firmly, started fidgeting very slightly.

"Mm … peppermint … smells good." I felt myself blush wondering if she was possibly talking about me smelling like good old … peppermint. Then again I did use a unique peppermint scent to wash my body so maybe that's what she's talking about? "Love the way … you … smell … Bella." Now that I was certain that Alice indeed was talking about my scent I felt my entire body burning with embarrassment. Alice's movement once again set my skin aflame in a different way than my previous embarrassment and I could do nothing more than hope she didn't wake up anytime soon.

I felt how ragged my breath was coming out and I could do nothing but try to steady my rapid heartbeat and uneven breaths. I knew I was failing miserably when I felt Alice stirring and actually moving around as if she had finally woken up, albeit reluctantly. She stretched as discreetly as she could, probably figuring that I wouldn't be up yet, and I felt my body burning up. Admittedly Alice was making me feel excitement but that did not mean I was attracted to her at all. Not at all. I … like guys … right? I just wasn't used to feeling someone else's body so close to mine. That's all it is. Yup … nothing else, just that … who am I kidding? I'm falling in love with this girl!

As much as I wanted to deny it, it was _undeniable_. I am falling in love with this girl and I cannot for the life of me deny it any longer, lie to myself another moment. I am so attracted to her personality and she is so absolutely gorgeous and just the most adorable person I have ever met in my life. Both her personality and how she looks reflects so much about who she is and I can't refute my attraction to both aspects of her anymore because she is just so … perfect for me. She is my ideal partner down to the T, my exact match almost impossibly. Everything about her draws me in and I'm falling for her more and more each day, every moment I'm with her I feel myself falling harder and harder.

"Hey Bella are you awake?" Alice's voice sounded slightly gruffer than usual, probably from just waking up, but she still sounded adorable to me. I actually kind of liked the slightly gruff sound mixed in with her angelic voice.

"Uh, yeah I am. So, uh, what time is it Alice? Are you, uh, hungry?" I just wanted to distract her from the fast beating of my heart if she could feel it. If she could feel it, however, she never made a show of it so maybe I should be relieved. Alice seemed to think about it for a moment before she shook her head softly, burying her head even more deeply into my chest, and I felt my breath hitch.

"Just let me stay here for a little while longer. I might not be hungry but are you Bella? If you are I will get up to get you something to eat at the cafeteria." She asked me in a voice with slight reluctance but reluctance from what exactly I couldn't tell. It could be that she really didn't want to get up or the fact that she didn't want to leave my side because I would be left vulnerable. The latter seemed to most plausible because she was a worrywart maybe due to the fact that her father is a doctor and she most likely she learned the basics from him just in case.

"Well I'm pretty sure you would worry and fret about whether I might've hurt myself or that I might need something so you don't want to leave right?" I paused feeling her nod her head very slightly before I continued. "So what I think you should do then is text Angela since it is already just after 11 and she has an hour break from her classes before she has to go back. I figure it wouldn't take you much longer than eight minutes to find me something to eat and she can help me brush my teeth so … yeah that sound good?" I realized at the end that I might've said a little too much, rambled a little too long, so I just shut myself up. The end of the last sentence sounded awkward anyways. I felt myself blushing very lightly and wondered briefly if she could tell.

"Yeah that sounds good. So uh, what is Angela's phone number? You know what, actually no don't give it to me," she said seeing that I was about to answer, "just let me use your cell. I don't want you to give me her number in case she doesn't want me to have it for whatever reason. You and Angela may be close friends but I am still barely in the 'friends' threshold with her. You understand what I mean right? I mean sometimes it freaks people out when they see a number they don't know text or call them and then they get mad when they find out it was a friend giving a friend their number you know? It might not be the case with Angela but I just want to do that to be sure." She was always so considerate of other people's feelings and I still felt so much surprise despite how often she had showed that part of her nature. I felt guilty just thinking that I knew these things about her and yet I still felt surprised when she showed me once again her kind disposition.

"I uh, don't really mind but um, you see … that is uh, I kind of … don't know where my phone is." I rushed the last part out so quickly that even I could hardly understand what I just spit out of my mouth. That in itself was quite a feat because I normally talked in a rather relaxed kind of way.

Alice sat up and gave me a furrowed look, I on the other hand felt myself suck in a barely audible breath from the slight pain that caused. Alice seemed to notice despite that and gave me a worried look before I pushed past the pain to mumble that I was fine. She still looked unconvinced and gave me an apologetic look realizing that she sat up too fast. "Oh, well, then why don't you just give me your number so I can call you on my phone so we can find it?" Her voice held an amused tone to it and I also couldn't help but find this situation funny myself.

"Yeah sure, give me your phone please?" I asked politely and she looked at me for a moment before giving it to me and left me wondering about why she had given me such a look. "Ok so I'm calling my phone now." I heard a vibration before the song 우리 헤어지자 (Let's Break Up by Lee Seung Gi if you've ever heard of him) started playing at the refrain and I heard Alice gasp and exclaim softly "aha!" when she found it hidden under a tissue box, for whatever reason.

"You sure do seem to like your Asian music there Bella! Is it … well I know it doesn't sound anything like that Japanese song Everlasting … so is it … Korean?" I nodded my affirmation as she handed me the phone. "Is there any reason why you like so many Asian artists? I know I like your taste in music because most of the songs we have available is really crappy these days but there are some good songs every now and then." She looked thoughtful as she stood there and I couldn't help the slight flush blossoming on my cheeks at how absolutely adorable she looked with her two fingers placed under her chin in contemplation.

"Well you see, that is uh, I had a friend I met during my high school years who transferred from Asia to see what schooling here is like. She had the cutest Asian accent and she is actually from Vietnam to be exact. There were a lot of things she introduced to me that year she was at school in America with me and she really did broaden my horizons. She taught me a lot of things about the world outside of my world. One of the lasting impressions she left of me was not just music but a better outlook of the Asian culture, something I hadn't really given much consideration to before. I learned that respect for others before ones self is the foundation of the Asian culture and something that is instilled upon the people of her country from a young age. Old or young, rich or poor, this is something everyone is taught along with honesty and that gave me a deep and profound respect for her as a person and friend. She gave me a lot to muse over when she left to go back to her home city in Vietnam but I will never forget everything she taught me while she was here in my life." I smiled sadly at the end, missing her again.

Alice looked thoughtful for a moment before she seemed to snap out of her pondering and gave me a hesitant smile. "She sounds like a very good person. It sounds like you two were very close friends when she was living here. This indeed is very interesting and I would like to hear more maybe later though we have to get someone fed remember? Oh yeah you should go ahead and call Angela while I go and grab something for you in the cafeteria. What would you like to eat today? Something that I can carry easily please that isn't too messy." She winked cutely at me, albeit it seemed a bit stiffly, causing my innards to twist seeing how uncomfortable she seemed, for whatever reason.

"Alice are you, are you all right? You look … a little bit uh, paler than usual." She contemplated for a moment, it seemed, before she shook her head softly and smiled at me in a somewhat reassuring way. "Well if you want to talk about it later I'm all ears but … I … well since we're friends and all I just want to say one thing to you. We haven't known each other for long but … you are a cherished, precious, invaluable friend who I have come to care about so much. I love you Alice, really I do, even if it's only been about a month and a half since we really first met I love you. I want you to know this one thing, just this one thing; no matter what you say, what you feel, who you are, no matter who you _were_ I will always love and cherish you. You could have your foresight and have all of these other supernatural powers and I wouldn't care because I truly do care for you and nothing will ever change that. I know it might be a little uh, weird that I have such strong feelings for you because we haven't known each other that long but uh, well what can I say? The day we met you and I melded together so naturally (line from どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう?, Why Did I End Up Falling in Love With You?)." I almost couldn't believe I even had the courage to say half of that to her but what shocked me the most is that I even managed to tell her some of the things I had been feeling since we first met. The 'L' words usually didn't leave my father's mouth easily and I most definitely inherited that trait from him, being his daughter.

The touched look on Alice's face, the heart melting smile, and tears of happiness leaking out from her eyes were all more than worth my embarrassing words. She shook her head slightly at the last part when I said it might sound strange how I felt when we first met. I felt my heart throb with bliss seeing such a happy, genuine smile on her face, I could even feel myself actually melting seeing such a magnificent angel smiling at _my words_ of all things. Heat pooled in my face at the sight of the beautiful and joyful angel smiling at me so warmly. I attempted to reach towards her with my right hand and felt the painful spasm I expected with all of my movement but I could care less in comforting my angelic Alice.

"Bella. Oh Bella, that has to be … the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me and … just … thank you so much Bella!" She had to pause a few times because of the overflowing tears and overwhelming feelings that I could see in her eyes. "We-well then I'll just um, go ahead and um, call Angela now okay?" She seemed so flustered for a moment that I wondered why she would look that way. I watched as she scrolled through my address book slowly, probably because she wasn't used to my touch screen phone, and finally I saw her hesitantly put her finger over the call button when there was a loud knock at the door.

Angela's voice timidly came through the sturdy wooden door a moment after the knock and Alice went forward to open the door. She had a slight smirk that made me think that she was thinking something along the lines of "oh how ironic" probably due to the fact that Angela's timing, this time, was good. Just as soon as Alice opened the door Angela's slightly flushed face came into view, I would imagine from running here as soon as she was finished with class. "You have very good timing Angela! I was just about to call you using Bella's phone to ask you to come over to help Bella brush her teeth while I go buy some food for us. Would you like me to get you something as well while I'm there? Oh yeah what did you want to eat again Bella? I forgot that you never got to answer me! Silly me!" Alice spoke so quickly in her excitement that I could tell that I was not the only one having trouble keeping up with what Alice was saying. While Alice had been speaking she had moved over to the side to allow Angela in and she was now standing next to me.

"Oh um … well you have my number so could you please tell me what kind of sandwiches they are serving today please? I would like to eat something light because I don't think I can stomach too much right now. Oh your dad Dr. Cullen did say something like that too I think." I had to think about it but I did distinctly remembering him saying that. "What about you Angela? Did you want something to eat too? I hope you do eat even if you are worried about me." I gave her a stern look when she smiled back sheepishly.

"Uh … yeah I will. Um … how about some soup? Yeah I think I'll have some kind of soup if you don't mind Alice?" Angela said from beside me. Alice nodded once to show she had heard her but then she looked uncertain about something. Angela seemed to pick up on that almost immediately and voiced just as much. "Is something wrong Alice?"

"Oh no it's just, that is I don't have your number, although I'm sure it wouldn't be much of a problem to just talk to you through Bella's phone." Alice seemed a bit reluctant to ask for Angela's number for some reason but Angela just gave her a smile before reciting her number slowly for Alice who, for her part, seemed startled. "Well then I'll be off and in the meantime I want to see some pearly whites when I get back Bella!" She smiled at me teasingly as I pouted and puffed out my cheeks in mock anger and annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm not a barbarian so I most certainly won't have anything other than pearly whites to show you!" In a mature move I stuck my tongue out at her playfully and she just laughed at me in response and waved bye to both Angela and me. "See you later Alice you beast you!" At this even Angela laughed at my antics and I had to laugh too. Things felt so right and good that it was a little hard to believe and it was a nice change in pace to say the least.

So here you have my fifth chapter! Leave your thoughts in a review please and also if there are any mistakes I didn't catch please also note those to me as well! I really hope my writing gets better and better as well as the storyline for this fanfic as I continue writing! ^^

姫宮光る


	6. Memories

Memories

Chapter 6

It didn't seem like a week had really passed as quickly as it had but it had been a week since I realized an undeniable truth. I was laying alone deep in thought after waking up from sleep not too long ago, something not unusual to me. Moonlight spilled through the window, giving me very little light but enough for me to see some of the room though mostly darkness surrounded me. In the dark I could be honest to myself because no one could see my face in this dark. I knew for a fact that we would have to venture a shower together eventually but having to see a completely naked Alice made me lose all control over my hormones and it took absolutely _everything_ I had, all of my self-control not to take her and pleasure her until she was writhing beneath me. I wanted her so badly, to see her quivering with want and desire; I wanted to hear her screaming my name with ecstasy as she finally fell over the edge and peaked in absolute bliss.

Those thoughts returned every time I had to witness her naked glory within my hand's grasp but not being able to do anything about it and how it hurt. It hurt so much to feel my throbbing need magnify just from seeing the blush of embarrassment on her cheeks at my own naked state. Oh how it was absolute torture when she touched me so innocently to help me bathe, only pure intents in mind. I sometimes considered asking Angela to help me with showering instead but then in that situation, though I would not have to feel torturous desire, I would not be able to witness her beauty in its entire splendor and so I refused to allow myself to ask Angela. I would not lose my only chance to see Alice in this most vulnerable state to my weakness. I felt so guilty about my perverse wish to see her naked but I couldn't help myself, I was in too deep, too drowned in her to let myself be selfless.

To distract myself from my thoughts as they spiraled out of control I tried to think about something else. I had to think about something purer, much more innocent or else I would find myself in a spot of extremely tense arousal that I would have to deal with one way or another. Quite honestly I did not want to do something like that with another soul in the same room with me, asleep or not.

I thought back to something I had refused to acknowledge for all this time even though it was something that I could only label as the irrefutable reality; I am attracted to Alice and falling in love with said girl. Not just attracted to her beautiful face but also her amazing personality. She was everything I had ever dreamed of and more. I mean I had been in _one_ relationship before with this guy and he was … well what I would define as 'my type' but my heart never beat hard around him … I never got the butterflies … nor did I ever feel nervous or tongue tied around him. Angela and a few other friends I had known in high school were always so jealous because he was in fact the 'perfect' gentlemen every girl dreams of dating and he was handsome to boot. He just wasn't what I wanted no matter how hard I tried to like him more than a friend it turned out to be futile efforts on my part and I ended up hurting him when I told him that. I remember his face contorting in unmasked, raw pain when I said the words "Let's break up … let's not see each other anymore." (from우리 헤어지자, Let's Break Up MV)

I remember that day so vividly and the pain on his face was more than I could bear so I ended up avoiding him for the rest of our junior year. I remember how he looked so absolutely broken the moment that sentence, those words, left my lips. The last thing I ever said to him was "I'm sorry but I … I can't anymore. I can't go on like this knowing how much you care but … I … can't and don't return your feelings. Please understand that. I know that you probably won't like me, maybe even hate me, for a long time but I needed to tell you this before it got too serious. Adrian, I only hope you find someone better than me and forget me if that will make you happy." Those parting words hurt him even more as tears actually slid down from his red eyes. I gave his hand a squeeze before I left feeling sad myself for causing such hurt to another person like him.

It took me a moment to remember what I was doing to think back on that thought … _oh yeah__,__ that's right … I was thinking about her; Alice._ Even in my thoughts I could hear the slight caress whenever I thought about her or her name. I looked out of my window to see that it was still very dark with only a sliver of the moon available as my light source. I allowed my eyes to adjust to the dark before I looked for my phone on my nightstand. Just as I was about to reach for it I felt a warm hand stop me from doing anything. Alice was sitting right next to me, her back facing the wall, so I wouldn't have noticed her at first. She made a disapproving noise at me before smiling, the moonlight making her face glow beautifully, making me lose my breath, to take back any bite that action may have had.

"Just what do you think you are doing? You may be better but you are still in no condition to move on your own Isabella Marie Swan." Her use of my full name startled me because she had never used it on me before and I absolutely detested that my full name was 'Isabella' of all names. I could never loathe my name fully though because it was the one my mother chose for me so in that aspect I couldn't really hate it.

I sighed softly, almost inaudibly, but as usual Alice seemed to notice anyways. "I just wanted to see what time it was Alice. If it makes you feel better may I ask you to get my phone for me?" Looking to my left I smiled at her to try and cover up how I was truly feeling, to hide the frustration I felt for not being able to do much for myself. She seemed to sense even that feeling despite how I tried and so I felt even more frustrated that I was outwardly showing my emotions like this. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as Alice nodded in consent before reaching over me to grab my phone. I felt my heart go in overdrive because as she leaned over me she was not just retrieving a phone but also basically shoving her chest in my face. She didn't have an enormous chest by any means but she had rather sizable breasts for her tiny body and I couldn't help feeling heat pool not only in my face but also in my center.

I mean I might have strong feelings for Alice, maybe more than strong, but _come on_! Did she have to shove those wonderfully shaped orbs in my face even if it's only for the few seconds it takes her to get my phone? My face and center were starting to really burn up and I had to try and calm down my racing heart as she moved to sit back down. How could just seeing her chest really make me feel that hot? I had never experienced anything like this in my life. I had never felt so drawn, so very attracted to someone before in my life so I really had no idea what I was feeling or the extent of it rather.

It was all so confusing to react to her the way I did because I had never felt an attraction like this in my life let alone for another girl. Even as I thought about it now I usually only befriended females around me and there were some guy friends scattered about in the mix. I just couldn't understand why it was only happening now all of a sudden, or maybe it was there all along waiting in some corner of my mind and I just never realized it was there. Then again it might just be that up until this point I had never met someone that I truly felt any sort of attraction to like this and we spent a good amount of time together each day as well, probably helping my attraction to her. My attraction to her was not just a physical one but also an intellectual one as well as one of her personality. Her kind disposition was one of the first few things that really I noticed and liked about her from the very beginning.

I seemed to have zoned out for too long because Alice was lightly slapping my cheek to try and get my attention. "Bella are you okay? You zoned out for at least three minutes and you are starting to really worry me. I mean your eyes were still open other than blinking a few times and it was really starting to unnerve me when you didn't respond to me." And she truly did sound concerned and it showed through with the tone she used to speak to me and how she gently put a head on my forehead to check my temperature. "You seem to be a bit warmer than your normal temperature. Are you feeling ill? Flustered maybe?" I could feel myself flushing even more from remembering what it was, maybe who would be a better word, that got my skin as heated as it is right now.

"Alice … don't worry about me. I'm fine. I just … uh, that is I was thinking about something and when I think about something too hard I tend to just zone out like that. I think you must have noticed considering that this isn't exactly the first time it's happened right?" I paused and saw, with some difficulty, her nod slightly but the concerned look on her face only decreased faintly. "Alice, please, don't think too hard on it because this is my problem and it really isn't that big of a deal. It's just that when you said my name, Isabella, it reminded me of … my mother. Maybe this would be a good time to tell you … the reason behind my weakness, the reason why I sometimes might have a haunted look in my eyes and need comfort from Angela. This isn't something I like thinking about let alone _talk__ing_ about … that is just out of the question."

I was so hesitant to talk about this subject and the only person other than Charlie who knew the whole story was Angela and I told her in a moment of weakness and her being my best friend I felt the need to let it go. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly since it still hurt to breathe as it was. Alice seemed to notice my unease and so she lay down next to me and intertwined my hand with her own to try and alleviate my nerves. I didn't care that her hands were very much cooler than mine, but by no means freezing cold. It helped a great deal just knowing that she was here beside me but to have her touch me and hold my hand multiplied this feeling about tenfold. I turned my head so I could see her face and I saw that she looked uncharacteristically timid and adorable at the same time. I gave her a smile of appreciation knowing that she was trying her best to comfort me even if it made her feel so shy. I whispered softly next to her ear, "thank you Alice" I breathed. She shivered slightly for some reason.

"Well you are someone I truly care about too Bella so I want to support you in your time of need and if you feel like you want to tell me what happened then I will listen to you. My ears are all open to hear you and all that you have to say Bella, just like you did for me not so long ago. You are so precious to me Bella and so no matter what you have to say to me I will not look down on you for your past or anything you feel such deep shame about. The past is the past and the present is the present. Who you are today is dictated by your past and if it involves learning a harsh lesson then I am sorry for that because you are someone I care about so much." The sincerity in her voice made my heart skip a beat and then speed up. It wasn't much of a surprise anymore but really it caught me off guard how much I was discovering the extent of my affections for her truly were.

"I … thank you Alice for that. It really is very sweet of you to say and I am glad that you feel that way. I'm really, really happy right now. You saying that really _does_ help to ease me and it is making it a little bit easier to tell you what I've been meaning to say to you, what I need to tell you about myself and the one true weakness I have. I can't say that I will be able to say this, to tell my story so effortlessly or that there won't be moments when I'll stop abruptly because my story is one of ultimate shame. I did something that I will regret for the rest of my life and the guilt I feel for what happened that day will never leave my forsaken soul. I committed a great sin." I stopped unable to utter anymore than that at the moment.

"Bella it's okay. I'm here with you okay. Just take a deep breath and relax. Try to relax before you start because once you start you will become tense and that's not good for your healing process at all." Alice stunned me when she brought our intertwined hands up to her lips and gave me a quick peck on the back of my hand. This not only brought heat to my cheeks but I also felt that prickling, tingling sensation run from that spot to the rest of my body, including my center. My breath came in a short, inaudible gasp from the pleasant surprise and all I could think was _her lips are so soft and warm … if only I could kiss those kissable lips just once._

"Thank you Alice," I sounded breathless when I said that so I was unsure of what she would make of that, "I think I'm ready now." She gave me a slight nod in encouragement and squeezed my hand gently. I took one last deep breath before I started revealing my scarring and deeply shameful tale of what happened the night that changed my entire life.

"I remember the day so clearly … my mother and I had been walking around after a movie late at night on a Friday when it happened. I was 12 that summer, just a few days short of turning 13, after graduating from 6th grade. We got into an argument on the way to the car. I was mad so I crossed the street without looking and a car was coming my way at, at least about 55 miles per hour on a 30 speed limit road. Everything happened so quickly but this is the one thing I could remember instinctively, the last thing I remembered that night was the feeling of someone pushing me out of the way … I hit my head against the asphalt road so hard and quickly that it caused me to lose consciousness and I ended up having a concussion as well. I woke up the next day in a hospital room with bandages wrapped around my head and arms … I woke up not remembering what happened at first but when I realized where I was I knew that my mother was more than likely not going to make it. A nurse came in about 15 minutes after I first woke up I think and she had this sad pitying look in her eyes when she saw me. That's when I truly realized that I might never see my mother breathing again and … so I started crying silent tears before I sobbed and choked on my tears at the guilt that rose in me knowing that I had caused that to happen. I couldn't feel anything other then the … the warm tears streaking down my face and all I could feel was an overwhelming pain in me. Nothing but agonizing pain penetrated my brain for the next year and a half after that. Even though Angela helped me through a lot of pain she couldn't make me forget my guilty feelings nor the emptiness left in my heart. Not since that day have I truly been able to breathe without the weight of what happened that day ... I can't forget the things I inadvertently caused to happen because I … _killed my own mother!_" I couldn't go on anymore as the overflowing tears of guilt continued to fall down my face … the pain coming back … the screeching of car brakes … the shattered glass cutting my skin … the overwhelming smell of blood. It all came back in a rush of emotional guilt that I had tried so hard to abandon.

Alice gave my hand a squeeze as I started to choke on sobs I tried to force down with all of my might. She wrapped her free hand around me and held me gently, soothingly. It was more than I deserved for what I had done to my beloved mother. Alice seemed to sense that my thoughts weren't positive because she hugged me even tighter, still managing to somehow be gentle at the same time. She brought our intertwined hands up to her lips again and gave me another soft kiss causing my cries to lessen somehow.

"Bella please don't cry. I mean it's good that you are letting your emotions out but … I … I don't like seeing you so sad like this. It's hard to see you struggling so much. I know it's probably really, very hard for you to believe but you are a wonderful person and it wasn't your fault. It was an accident Bella and you have to let all of your guilt go. I know it's hard to accept this as the truth but in all honesty you didn't push your mother in front of the car nor did you actually _try_ to kill your mother so you can't hold yourself responsible for a mistake, for an accident. I understand how you feel because … for the longest time I thought it was my fault that my parents didn't love me … that _I_ had done something so terrible for them to hate me so much that they would … abandon someone like me. I didn't believe in my self worth at all nor did I retain any self confidence about myself. It took a truly long time but I was able to overcome that and be happy just being myself rather than always over analyzing everything to see what I had done wrong and never moving on. Honestly Bella letting it go and moving on is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. The days I spent wallowing in self pity did nothing but hurt me and hinder my life. Not to say that I never thought about it again I just acknowledged the fact that no matter what I do I can't take back what happened because I was not in the position to do that. I didn't have that kind of power then, I was too young. You must realize that you were also too young too. Bella, you, too, must let go of your guilt and move on from that." She paused feeling me nod my head very gently in response to what she had just said. I knew that it probably was the truth but I just couldn't do something like that all in one fell swoop. Alice continued with the same gentle tone she had been using to talk to me, somewhat loving as well. "Bella I know it will be a long and hard journey for you but keep in mind that you have me and Angela by your side to help you out whenever you need us. I know you can tell that we both really care about you because we're both still here. We'll be with you when you're weak, when you're strong, when you feel empty, when you feel sad, when you feel guilty, we'll be here with you no matter what. Don't forget that Bella."

Alice was so sincere I couldn't help the grateful feelings welling up in my heart as well as my attraction to her growing stronger. Everyday … everyday it seemed like my attraction to her only grew stronger the more time I spent with her. It feels as if everything she has done only increases my budding attraction for her … so much that I might actually be … no it hasn't gotten to that point yet … it can't have. I just … I'm just really fond of her … right? My heart was racing slightly as she continued to hold me in her arm and she held tightly onto the hand she was gently running her fingers over. It felt like she was whispering to me through her touch … whisper touches almost like … my mother had done for me when I was younger. It was strange that I thought of that at this moment but that was truly what it reminded me of.

"Bella have you calmed down yet? I really didn't want this to happen … I saw it earlier … I saw you cry late at night but in my vision I had been asleep so you cried alone … so I made this decision … to stay up and wait for you. I didn't want you to cry alone so I stayed up and waited for this moment instead so you could have some comfort instead of crying with silent tears of pain. That is something no one should ever have to go through least of all someone who has gone through as much pain as you. You made a terrible mistake in your past causing that accident and that alone is something traumatic enough as it is … I don't want to allow you to feel anymore of that guilt and pain alone. Bella I … I will always be here for you no matter what it is that is troubling you, I want you to know that. Even if you have something you think is irrelevant if it is bothering you I would want to hear about it if it would make you feel better. I mean … you and I are friends and roommates. I wouldn't want you to feel as if there is something you can't tell me because I wouldn't ever tell your secrets to anyone nor would I ever want you to feel such a deep shame that you can't tell me anything Bella." She paused and seemed about to say something else but she closed her mouth slowly before shaking her head altogether.

"What? What is it Alice?" She shook her head again softly, slowly, unsurely and I felt myself hesitate before deciding that it would be best to let her tell me when she was ready to. "If you don't want to tell me then I'll wait for you to be ready to tell me Alice." She seemed a little startled at my words as she turned her head to look at me tenderly. Her smiling face took my breath away; she was just so breathtakingly beautiful especially with the moonlight shining down upon her, making her pale skin glow magnificently. The natural light mixing with her fair complexion made my heart thud hard and quickly in my chest.

"I just … I want to be sure of something first before I tell you … what I almost said earlier. Just know this Bella … I really like you, I care about you a lot and this fact will never change no matter what happens. I don't want it to seem like I'm keeping a secret from you because that is truly not my intent at all. I just want to be sure of something before I tell you what it was that I just hesitated over telling you. For now let us just sleep because I have a feeling tomorrow will be a long day." She seemed to want to say something else because I heard a slight exhale of defeat before I heard her voice again. "Do you think you will be able to sleep?" I knew why she asked that but I had the distinct feeling that she hadn't really asked me what she originally intended to.

"I think … I'll be okay but … I'm not sure how long that will last because … usually I end up waking up screaming or in a cold sweat because of that memory's resilience in my mind. I think you can tell by now that it isn't exactly something I'm going to forget anytime soon because it's something I've relived almost everyday for the past 6 years. I think that the nights I don't dream of it is when I have someone else nearby … it sure was the case when Angela slept over and held me when I would cry. I think maybe that's why I cuddle things when I sleep … so um … you know, uh, sorry about that if you don't like it … or if you're not used to being cuddled." I started rambling a bit at the end but at least I ended it a bit more smoothly than I usually did.

There was a slight silence before I heard Alice giggle before she spoke. "Bella … you are the most adorable person _ever_!" She paused for a moment before resuming with surprising seriousness in her voice. "No I don't really mind it actually … feels kind of nice holding someone else in my arms … especially after all of those years I felt alone and unloved because of my family. The only time I felt touched by any amount of love was around my little sister, pure, innocent, unconditional love only a child can have. I actually … really like cuddling with you … it feels really nice … like I'm … loved." Alice sounded so uncertain at the end that it made me wonder why she was acting so hesitant … almost as if she wasn't sure how I would receive it.

I tried to shift my position a bit and felt that slight tinge in my side warning me of how precarious the healing process truly is. I felt myself being gently lifted slightly so I could adjust my position as I desired. I smiled at the fact that Alice always seemed to know what I wanted without me having to voice anything. I then felt my mind wander to what she had said about enjoying cuddling with me … and feeling loved … was she trying to drop me a subtle hint? Maybe I'm just over analyzing things; I am famous for doing that.

"Alice … you may not have been loved by your parents the way you were supposed to but … I do love you and will love you the right way. I will never judge you Alice because you are too important to me. I won't ever, _ever_ push you away the way your parents did and quite frankly I … don't think your parents deserve you. You didn't deserve their prejudices either. They didn't know or understand how wonderful you are so they lost probably one of the best things in their life so it's their loss. Besides if not for the selfish actions they committed then I don't think we would have met so … in a way I'm kind of glad for them. I mean also you wouldn't have been born if it weren't for them, no matter how horrible they are as parents, and I would be lonely." I stopped when I felt a soft, feather light finger touch on my lips so barely I almost moaned at the feeling and knowing whose finger it was.

She took a deep, shuddering breath before letting it out and I could hear her voice shake with emotion as she spoke. "Bella … that is truly one of the kindest things I have ever heard in my life and … thank you. For now though … we have to rest because it's late now and we have a long day ahead of us, so for now let's rest." I could hear an emotion I was what I thought it was but … it couldn't be … or maybe it was but just in a friendly way? I'm sure the love I could detect in her voice was purely platonic love and not … romantic love.

I nodded softly against her and I could feel that emotion radiating off of her again … but I'm sure I was over analyzing the situation and it was merely platonic and nothing else. There was no way she could be feeling the same emotions I was feeling for her so I'm sure I _was_ simply making a big deal out of nothing.

I was broken out of my thoughts when I felt her shifting slightly on my left side to press her face closer to me, nuzzling my neck deeply. Her arms, still wrapped around me, seemed to pull me closer to encompass me even more fully to hold me a little bit harder but still managing to be gentle somehow. I felt my heart beating in overdrive at the feelings this little action caused me and I felt my face heat up tremendously, a telltale sign that a blush was blooming on my cheeks. I heard her murmur something that sounded vaguely like "don't leave me," but I wasn't sure if I heard correctly.

I lay awake for a long while after hearing those softly whispered words before sleep finally took over my tired and hazy mind. The stunning sun rising during the dawn was the last thing I remember seeing before I was finally, peacefully taken by sleep's beck and call, too tired to do anything but allow it to happen. I dreamt of pleasant things surprisingly and I smiled as I slept, I think.

I woke up to a very pleasant feeling, the feeling of someone running their fingers through my hair and the sensation of another set of fingers running up and down my arm. It felt so nice that I wanted to pretend I was still sleeping for a few moments but as usual I gave myself away. I made a groan of approval, no matter how soft, in the back of my throat and I heard soft laughter and felt the gentle vibrations resonate against me, making the pleasurable experience even better. I smiled at how playful we were being and also at the fact that my sleep had been enjoyable for once and not one nightmare plagued it. I woke up peacefully for once, happily, and it was a good change to say the least.

"Sleep well Bella?" Her voice was so fucking _sexy_ in the morning with that soft, gravelly quality. I felt myself growing hot everywhere hearing that voice against my neck but I fought to regain some semblance of control over myself. I nodded once slowly because I didn't trust myself to speak right now. "What are you still half asleep Bella?" I could hear the amusement in her voice and I felt myself smile at that. I nodded again and I could practically feel her need to laugh but I was fine with it. "Well then shall we get up and brush our teeth together?" I heard the smile in her voice and her effervescent mood was infectious as I felt myself smiling with fervor in response.

"Yeah … I'm sure my breath smells vile right now." I laughed at that, my voice sounding gruff even to my own ears. Alice laughed too which caused me to smile at how adorable her laugh was. I spoke as I serious as I could as I said "Mary Alice Brandon, bad breath is not a laughing matter! I even remember you telling me that you like pearly whites so this is a matter not to be laughed over!" I could no longer withhold my need to laugh and so Alice and I broke into fits of giggles at how silly we were being. I couldn't deny that I enjoyed these moments of playful bliss with her. I only noticed then that the pain in my body had lessened significantly, so much that I almost couldn't tell I was as severely injured as I was just barely a week ago. Sure it was still there but it wasn't nearly as unbearable.

"Of course madam, right this way! We must take care of this problem at once, so shall I lead you to the illustrious bathroom? It is famous for its luxurious build and many magnificent tiles!" I blushed slightly at the thoughts that I was reminded of from when I woke up the first time and I felt heat pool even harder with need in my center. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, almost imperceptibly.

I smiled at how adorable her enthusiasm was and nodded slightly before making a move to sit up when her hand, having ceased their upward motion at that moment, pushed at my shoulder to stop me. "Oh no you don't, don't you dare! You know you're not supposed to move on your own until at least another month has passed or the broken bones have all healed as well as that nasty cut!" I felt bad for always making her worry about me and my wounds but I couldn't help that I still refused in some ways to acknowledge my injuries, not that I did this consciously. "I understand that you hate being weak and feeling helpless but … you just have to deal with it right now and allow yourself to heal properly so you don't have to feel this way."

I bit my lip slowly, taking in the fact that I really hurt her by doing these kinds of things but I just couldn't help it. I sighed softly, guiltily, "I'm sorry about that Alice, I really am. I don't mean to do those things but I just … for some reason I just can't help but hate feeling so helpless … maybe because it's like the way I felt after my mother died." I felt like crying at the admission but I held it in and tried to calm myself by taking a deep breath but it didn't help nearly as much as Alice's gentle hands did. She ran her hand through my hair to calm me and it was working.

"It's okay to feel weakness and helplessness sometimes Bella, especially when you have people who care supporting you, helping you get back up when you fall. I'm here and Angela is here too. We're both here to help you when you feel weak, when you feel hurt, when feel sorrow. We'll both be here for you when you need us. Don't forget that we both love you very much and we care about you so much so don't count us out and don't forget that we'll be there for you, rain or shine." Alice made my heart thud painfully quickly in my chest with one word spoken with so much emotion. I knew it couldn't possibly be what I was thinking, imagining in my mind, but I still felt touched me and got my heart thudding in overdrive at such a sentiment leaving her lips.

"Thank you Alice … I can't express how happy hearing you say that made me. Can we uh, you know, go brush our teeth now? My mouth feels so filthy right now, ugh. Sorry. I don't mean to sound demanding or anything." I could barely get the words out because I always felt so nervous around her when I was actually thinking about things. If I let my instincts run loose then I wasn't as much of a bumbling mess around her but if I allowed my instincts to rule me alone then I ran risk of her finding out about my true feelings.

She laughed softly, waving it off wordlessly, before gently easing herself off of me and helping me up to a sitting position and getting off the bed herself. She held her hand out to me with the air of a gentleman helping a lady out of her carriage and it caused me to blush as I took her outstretched hand in mine loosely. I felt my cheeks burn brighter once I came into more contact with her, leaning on her for some support.

I always feel the most refreshed after brushing my teeth, my mouth felt so clean and fresh! I love how invigorating it feels right after a shower or brushing my teeth! Okay so maybe I'm a bit of a dork in that respect but … well I guess it's just a good feeling to be clean. Alice seemed to be amused by my expression and then I realized during my inner monologue that she must have seen a bunch of different emotions flashing through my face without me realizing it. I felt like slapping my forehead with my palm but then I realized that might not be the best idea for someone as injured as me and especially not when I was in the process of healing. I felt myself blush a rather light shade of pink, as it always starts off, but then hearing Alice's giggling increased the warmth in cheeks about tenfold and I glared at her. It seemed that it had the opposite effect from what I desired because she laughed even harder as her amusement increased. I crossed my arms for added affect and pouted before turning away from her, we were sitting down on the bed, only to feel myself cringe in pain at the stupid move causing my stomach to stretch.

Immediately her laughter was cut off, almost as if even during a carefree moment like this she was still mindful of me, "Bella? Are you all right? You shouldn't be moving your torso so much yet." Her concern was justified seeing as I was feeling intense pain at this moment but I muffled any noises willing to escape from my throat and I swallowed them down. I nodded once before slowly turning back to my original position and how my body ached as I did so. Alice as per usual sensed this and so she pulled me to her gently so that I could lean most of my weight on her.

"I'm okay Alice, I just wasn't thinking. I'm still not used to this and it's been a little over a week since I first got hurt too. I should be but I guess I'm just not good at adapting." I was rambling but Alice, yet again, stopped me with a single finger placed gently on my lips, causing a flurry of emotions to overwhelm me.

"Sh … Bella it's okay. I understand, really I do. You just need time to adjust and I get that, I know it's hard. Things take time and I am aware of that, really I am and I'm not upset with you Bella, I know you didn't mean to do that to yourself. I'm not okay however," she paused and I could hear the amusement creeping into her voice, "when you hurt yourself like you did that one time about a month ago. Now _that_ is most definitely not acceptable in my book under any circumstances okay?" I felt myself flinch at that thought because it brought guilty thoughts to my head. Alice seemed to notice, as always, and gave me a questioning glance at that.

I sighed softly before shaking my head and moving it back to her shoulder only to find myself being impeded. "It's nothing Alice," was my response to that action but she wasn't having any of that and she firmly kept her hand in place, at a slight distance from her shoulders. I sighed again but refused to speak. I was too ashamed to admit anymore than I already had.

"Please?" There was a slight pleading tone in that softly uttered question and almost simultaneously I felt myself melting at the caring in her voice. I struggled to keep my weight up and I felt her strong arms help me to a sitting position and that concerned, worried face was the end of it. That face, the raw concern, and my feelings for her were all a part my undoing as I looked into her eyes. I felt so frustrated but I couldn't really blame her because she probably didn't even know what she was doing, or even how she was affecting me really.

"Okay but … you have to promise me that you won't … be mad at me when I tell you okay?" She hesitated for only a moment before she nodded, I could see how she was steeled her eyes, preparing for the worst. "I … I'm sorry but … I actually cut myself for a while … the last time I cut was a few weeks ago, just before I moved here, before we met. I always made sure they were in places that aren't really very visible, just out of sight of other people. I would have been surprised if you actually knew about this to be honest so … are you mad?" I was also preparing for the worst, for the inevitable reaction I would get. I had never even told Angela about this so I wouldn't be surprised if Alice had even noticed. I'm sure that Angela, for her credit, probably suspected maybe that I did this but she never asked me about it, nor did I ever confirm it in any way. I was so ashamed for doing this to myself but I wasn't quite willing to give up my self mutilation, my eternal punishment for myself and so it continued for a long time.

I could see the obvious disappointment in her eyes, they expressed more hurt than her face did, and it hurt seeing that emotion plainly showing in her eyes. My shame and guilt automatically doubled, sky rocketing to new heights. I had always known what I was doing was wrong but since the first cut I couldn't help but enjoy the painful release from my torment. I didn't have to think when I felt the pain the cuts would leave, I wouldn't have to relive my worst memory over and over again because the pain would take care of that. I would feel the pain and forget everything else.

"Bella, oh Bella!" She was so overcome with her emotions that she momentarily choked up and could not force another word out for a moment. "I'm not mad, I'm not angry with you just … tell me why? Why? Just tell me why? I can't say that I'm … surprised seeing as I witnessed for myself first hand that you do hurt yourself in frustration but … why cutting? Why would you do that to yourself and hide it?" The blatant concern and hurt in her voice caused me to feel even worse about revealing this to her but I couldn't bring myself to voice my reasons.

I cried. My tears slid down from my eyes freely and crashed with a deafening splatter against the skin of my arm, dying a sure death with the fall. She shook her head slowly at me, wiped my tears away, before pulling me to her slowly, gently, allowing me to cry freely. I felt so comforted by her warmth, the strong shoulders letting my bottled anguish out without any reserve. For that I was grateful, she allowed me to cry, to let it out. She comforted me at the same time, enveloping me in a scent and with a familiar body, person, I was slowly but surely falling for.

There was no denying it anymore, no way I could possibly refute this fact; in less than the time span of two months I was falling in love with my roommate. Slowly but surely, with each passing day, my affections for her were increasing, becoming stronger with our bond. I can only hope that she is feeling the same things I am because if not … I'm not sure how I would be able to handle her rejection. I can only hope that I don't ruin things either by blurting my feelings out to her.

With that last thought I drifted off, the scent of Jasmine and her warmth enveloping me in the soft embrace I had become so familiar with.

First I would like to apologize for the long lapse in my frequent updates but it was due to an arm injury that had me in a sling for the past two weeks almost.

So anyways this was chapter 6 for those following my story. A very long chapter this one but as I mentioned earlier on the chapters are slowly but steadily increasing in length but I don't know if I'll keep up with that if in the end I'll have to type up something like a monster chapter that is 15,000 words long. Well I hope it was an enjoyable read while it lasted! ^^ Oh and as usual review if you liked it or had something to say!

姫宮光る


	7. Waiting

Chapter 7

Waiting

Waiting. The one word I hated most was waiting. I despised waiting for things for many reasons but that was exactly what I found myself doing today. I was sitting in a waiting room with Alice beside me, Angela would be stopping by later, on a Wednesday morning. We were waiting to see Alice's father since it had been two weeks now since I was attacked and my body severely injured. And so I was requested to come in to the hospital and see how well my body was healing, given two weeks' time to do so. A hospital meant nothing short of trouble in my eyes and now was no exception to my annoyance with them. I sighed for what seemed like the 100th time that day and I could hear Alice giggle a little, most likely because she found my impatience in a waiting room funny. I felt a little bit annoyed at that notion but said nothing.

I sighed yet again and Alice laughed in response to that and I lost my cool very slightly. "Alice … and what, pray tell, might you find so much amusement in right now? Be careful and prudent in your answer for it may affect the rest of our roommating time in a negative way." Of course I was joking but I said it in such a deadpan voice that Alice seemed to be unsure whether I was offended by her behavior or not. Alice watched my face for a long time, her mouth opening and closing multiple times, at a loss for words. I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore at the situation and I burst out laughing, giving her a slight taste of her own medicine, and she, very comically, had a slack jaw expression on her face. Further to my amusement she 'hmphed', crossed her arms, puffed out her cheeks, and pouted as she turned away from me slightly.

"Well Miss Bella Swan …" she paused for dramatic effect, "I suppose it might be due to the fact that I have been presented with an ultimatum, in so many words, that I don't believe at all." The smile on her face, that grin, made my heart skip a beat and I could feel it speed up, pick an impossible pace, just seconds after. "I think that you would be quite harsh on yourself instead for being anything but kind to someone else, let alone someone you _care_ about." I could feel myself deflate slightly at how true Alice's words were, how completely honest and right she was about me.

Just as I was about to respond I heard my name being called out by a nurse. "Miss Isabella Swan? Follow me please?" She paused, looking up from the clipboard in her hand and smiled slightly at Alice, in a subdued manner almost. She was young, maybe about 21 or 23 years old, and very beautiful. She was tall, blonde, with striking blue eyes, and had an air of confidence that I immediately felt it envelop me as well. She had a beautiful face with high cheek bones, pale skin, a perfectly sculpted nose, full lips, and her eyes were such a beautiful and bright blue. Their color was so magnificently blue and bright, electric almost, that I felt myself shudder faintly at how brilliant they were.

I was frozen momentarily before I nodded slightly in response and I felt Alice's arms around me simultaneously, seemingly anticipating when I would give my consent. I glanced over to Alice who gave the blonde a small smile in return before turning back to me and helping me forward. I couldn't help but feel goose bumps form all over my skin where I felt her hands come in contact with me.

It seemed like too short a time before we were standing in front of the examination room with the blonde standing off to the side while holding her hand out to indicate this room as our designated place. "It's good to see you again Alice. It was a pleasure meeting you Miss Swan." Alice and I walked further into the room until I reached the examination bed and Alice helped me sit down gently. She remained by my side, her arm still around me, holding me loosely and I felt myself smile a little at the thought that she kept her arm wrapped around my waist, just in case most likely. She had a complacent expression on her face and she seemed to know Alice rather personally since she called her by her name and referred to me with a formal title. Perhaps she has been working here for sometime and that is how she knows Alice?

"It's good to see you, too Rose. Oh and uh, this is my roommate Bella Swan. Bella this is my friend Rosalie Hale. She is an intern here at the hospital so she's basically like the well to do nurse here." I could see the professionalism mask she had on falter greatly from the comment meant as a friendly jab at her. I saw her right eye twitch slightly and her smile fell into a frown, almost a pout.

"Alice you had better be glad that we're in the hospital right now or else you would be on the ground begging for mercy from me." The air of confidence became something that I wasn't quite sure there was a word for … attitude didn't describe it right … and arrogance wasn't the only thing I felt.

Alice seemed unfazed and waved it off. "Well, I know for a fact that despite how tough you always act you love me and you would never let anyone off the hook for hurting me." Alice had a smug smirk on her lips that I found incredibly sexy and it made my heart speed up very slightly. "Be it Leah or not." Rose seemed to pause slightly before smirking back, not backing down at all. Her haughty aura did not fade at all and only seemed to increase even more as she locked eyes with Alice.

"That may be true, I won't deny it, but don't forget I still have the advantage of age and something else … you know?" Only after her slight pause did Alice seem to rethink what she had said and she gasped after a moment, perhaps realizing what Rose meant by those carefully calculated words.

Alice backed down momentarily before standing her ground. "Rose don't you dare!" Rose's smirk only widened as she continued to flaunt something Alice obviously didn't want to hear out loud. "Rosalie Hale! I mean it! I could tell Leah about this and you know it won't make her happy! If anything it'll upset her and you won't be getting any for a while!" I stood oblivious to their conversation at hand about this Leah person. Leah … Leah sounded so familiar … Leah. Didn't my parents have a child before me? Leah … Leah … wasn't Leah their oldest? She had to have been entering college by the time I first I moved to Phoenix … after mom … died. _Maybe the Leah they are talking about is my eldest sister? Charlie certainly never mentioned her … he left her room the way it was when she left for college but he never talked about her … the only time he said anything was when I asked whose room it was. The only other thing I knew about her was that she left for a college in Washington and that she never came back._

Alice seemed to notice my silence and gently tightened her grip on my arm to get my attention. "Bella," I turned to her, "are you okay? Do you need to sit down?" I thought about it for a moment and shook my head in response … I just needed to calm down and bring it up to her later. Alice nodded hesitantly, "if you're sure Bella … I won't push it but … if it is something you feel you need to talk about then you know I'm here for you … always." The emotion in her voice coupled with the fond smile she gave me at the end was my undoing, I found myself coming undone at the seams once again in her presence. This feeling continued to spread as I fell in love with her more and more.

Sometimes the emotion in her voice and the tender words she spoke to me made me feel like crying … made me feel like I truly deserve to live in this moment with someone like her. She made me feel like my life truly was worth it … even if cost a life so important to me, more important than mine is in my eyes. The way she spoke to me so tenderly made my heart flutter and I continued to fall just that much more in love with her, harder and harder with every moment we spent together. I could feel tears of gratitude gathering in my eyes but I stopped them from flowing because she would immediately take note of them, as was the case with everything about me. "Thank you Alice. I know that, it's just … well right now is not the time to bring it up, that's all … I hope you understand that. I, uh … well I can be quite ineloquent with my words when put on the spot as is the case right now. I'm sure you've noticed how I am when I'm like that. It's rather hard for me as it is right now to think coherently because so many thoughts are becoming jumbled together as it is." I paused … trying to gauge her facial expression but I couldn't get a read of anything other than her acceptance of my words.

"Well, Alice, just so you know I wasn't really serious about saying anything about that to her … I was just teasing." Rosalie, who didn't outright apologize, sounded contrite and genuine. "You need to figure out how to do that on your own but I do promise that as soon as Leah gets a slight break we will be knocking on your door and sleeping over! We haven't seen each other in so long, much too long, and we need to catch up on so much … _especially_ because of the new r-m-antic development in your life recently." Rosalie's face reflected her smug attitude, which was basically rolling off of her, and the cryptic message only made me feel even more suspicious about her words.

Alice however seemed to understand the underlying meaning behind Rosalie's words perfectly and blushed, giving me a slight indication as to what she meant but still vague enough that there was a high possibility my guess is wrong. "R-m-antic … what is that? Am I missing something here?" Alice, if possible, seemed to turn even redder at hearing me question what the double meaning Rosalie intentionally put in her words were. I thought it was impossibly adorable and I felt a smile try to break though but I held back and opted to just bask in her cuteness instead.

"D-don't mind Rose, Bella, she's just being her usual self and making a spectacle of everything and … exaggerating things like the drama queen she is!" Alice seemed nervous speaking the words and I couldn't help but feel myself drowning in Alice's endearing personality. I couldn't believe it but I felt my heart lurch as I felt myself fall just a little bit more in love with her. How is it possible to fall more in love with someone you are already in love with? Answer? Just discover more things to fall in love with, a.k.a. pay attention to her every move and how she sees and reacts to things. As simple as that and it is exactly the perfect description for my current situation. I realized right after this thought that I had become an extremely corny, cliché, mush ball since meeting and falling in love with Alice.

"Don't believe her! I'm not _always_ as bad as she makes me out to be … she can be as much of a drama queen as she claims I am!" Rosalie seemed to take to me almost immediately. Or at least she was comfortable enough around me, or maybe it was just her personality not feel embarrassed, that she was joking around with Alice so openly and seemed to be quite at home teasing her. "Leah can attest to her theatrics as well as her own family!" She had the looks of someone who just proclaimed the words 'checkmate' to their opponent, the proud smile and smirking eyes.

Just as Alice opened her mouth, about to retort, her father came in with calm, measured strides, his usual unflustered pace, with an amused smile on his face. "Well, well, well it seems you have met our Rosalie Hale … and survived Bella." The teasing tone in his voice combined with Rosalie's indignant grunt in response to his statement brought me to laugh so hard that tears trickled out of the corner of my eyes and Alice's reaction wasn't much better. She was doubled over in amusement and she had to lean her head against my shoulder as she continued to laugh uncontrollably.

"Rose … you should see your face! Oh my god this is hilarious!" Alice's response only made Rosalie even more indignant and a slight blush seemed to actually tint her cheeks. "Oh my GOD! Hell has either frozen over or the world is about to end because Rosalie Hale just blushed! The impossible has been made possible!"

"Alice! Shut up! I am going to kill you!" Rosalie seemed to be taking all of the teasing over oh so well.

"Oh my goodness! Rose! I don't think I have ever met such a volatile nurse, an ironic combination to say the least, in my life! Dad … why did you hire her again? She's a dangerous contradiction! Maybe you should choose a different profession to go into. You just might cause more damage than good with your violent nature!" Alice's kidding continued to make me laugh and I could not stop despite the fact that the slight tingles of pain were starting to become unbearable due to how much I was laughing. My discomfort didn't stop me from laughing but the continuing sting caused me to cry a little bit, tears that could easily be mistaken from laughter.

After I finally stopped laughing I wiped my tears from my eyes but they were still watering from the pain. I controlled my breathing by taking slow breaths in and out to minimize the amount of work my stomach had to do and in turn minimizing the pain slightly. Alice had a questioning look in her eyes and Dr. Cullen also seemed curious about my behavior. I smiled to both of them and shook my head slightly. My eyes fell on Rosalie and she seemed to also sense something about my demeanor, as if she noticed the change in me simultaneously with the two Cullen's in the room.

"What's with the faces? I'm fine really … I just laughed a bit too much." Both Cullens winced slightly while Rosalie looked guilty and apologetic by my statement. "No, no … really I'm fine. No harm, no foul right? We were all just having a good time and joking around so there's nothing for you guys to be sorry for okay?" And again, no surprise, Alice realized exactly what it was that was bothering me so.

"Oh my god I am so sorry Bella!" Alice tightened her grip around my waist slightly while looking in my direction with her genuinely sorrowful eyes. I shook my head and opened my mouth to try and say something but Alice cut me off and brought her free hand up to gently put a finger on my lips to silence me. "No Bella it is entirely my fault for not realizing in sooner and you know it!" Her voice sounded a little mad, maybe at herself more so than anyone else in the room. The look on her face told me that she was internally chastising herself and I could not help the small smile that brought to my face. She was much too adorable for her own good. It was a comical sight to see, truly. I looked up to see similar looks of amusement on both Rosalie's and Dr. Cullen's faces as they both also watched the internal monologue that was obviously going on in Alice's mind.

"Well enough horsing around for today I still have a job to do and it seems that I will be a bit behind schedule … unless we get started soon." Even though he had enough discipline to seem serious, he had a poker face right now, a small twinkle in his eyes suggested that he was still very much amused by his daughter. Alice seemed to snap out of it and nodded her head enthusiastically and I could just tell that the next thing she said would just make me laugh again and I was proven right.

"Right that means you need to leave and stop distracting his with your shenanigans Rose. Away with you nurse! We don't need you anymore!" I tried my best to hold back my laughter but it was almost an impossible task seeing as Rosalie gave an indignant grunt of disapproval. She crossed her arms and walked off with a mixture of a diva and model strut, dignity and poise pouring from her as she did so, and I could not hold back any longer as I gave in to my desire to laugh at her comical response.

"You guys are just … killing me right now … seriously! I'm going to die … of happiness … or laughter at least! You three are … as good as the joker … only … you are … a trio … of jokesters!" I choked this out between breaths as I continued in a laughing fit and it hurt so much but I could not contain myself when I was around the Cullens in this room alone, add a Rosalie Hale and I'm done for! I could feel the pain welling from the wound that still was not where anywhere near to being fully healed after two weeks. Sure the wound had gotten much better since it was first inflicted upon me but the pain was still apparent when I strained myself too much.

Finally after much laughter Alice broke the silence left in the room after all of our laughter died down. "So I think we should get a move on now because Bella seriously needs a check up and you need to get back to working your magic Rose and Dad … you may be loved by your patients but we need to get this moving along." She didn't say it in a mean way but I could hear the underlying tone in her voice … one I wasn't sure how to interpret … business-like maybe? It was much more serious than I was used to seeing with Alice, or rather hearing from Alice, since she was usually such a chipper person. Perhaps in situations where someone needed to be looked after she buckled down like a strict mother doing her … well, mothering. As redundant as that sounded even to my own mind there was no other way of describing it really … at least I couldn't think of another way of putting it into words. Alice is not someone who can be defined so easily. She was complex and I loved figuring her out, almost like discovering a world wonder … or figuring out a puzzle little by little, piece by piece.

I sighed, as I was helped out of the hospital, at the results … it looked to be another two to three weeks as Dr. Cullen had predicted two weeks earlier. He said that I was on track and should not feel disappointed that it would take as long as he had said it would. There was no shame in healing at the rate I was, and I was in fact healing at a rather phenomenal rate as it was. My ribs were coming along nicely as well as the gash on my side. It had closed up mostly and scabbed properly but I was warned not to touch it, as in no scratching at the itch, which I was none too pleased about because the darn thing was killing me. Alice, being Alice, had already 'slapped' my hand plenty of times since she was with me nearly 24/7 as it was and knew very well this rule. To have Dr. Cullen actually say though was enough of a deterrent for me. I actually liked it when she 'slapped' my hand away because it was more like she tapped the back of my hand with her fingers with the barest minimal contact and it was akin to the feeling of having her hands running up and down my arms, which always felt nice.

"Bella it's okay. I know you're disappointed that you still have another few weeks before you can move around by yourself but look on the bright side … you already went through close to half of your healing time and now you're halfway to moving around on your own!" My lips twitched slightly in a small, weak smile. Alice was obviously unsatisfied by my reaction and her face softened with tender emotions and I felt my heart skip a beat seeing the raw feelings in her eyes. I could see the affection in the way she looked at me and her actions and words; they all spoke of affection, love even. I smiled genuinely this time and just a bit wider than my previous attempt and she smiled with me. Her hands held my own, her eyes bore into mine with warmth and care, and her voice was gentle as she spoke, placating as much as she could. "Bella … I know you're having a rough time but you can get through this … and I'll be here to help support you every step of the way."

I felt guilt well up in my heart at seeing her trying this … hard _just_ to _assuage_ me and the pain I felt for not being able to depend on myself. My chest lurched with the burden of shame and feelings I could not express for the life of me to someone else. My own inability to speak, my inarticulate tongue and faltering mind wouldn't allow me, has never allowed me, to express myself easily … it was something I had to force myself to do. As a result of my own weakness I, at one point, almost lost Angela as a friend for not being able to explain myself, to express myself properly.

"It … it's all right Alice … it's just my insecurities getting to me and I … I'm sorry. I'm just so horrible at things that involve me … speaking what's on my mind, what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling … those kinds of things … all things of that nature are difficult for me. I didn't mean to make you feel as if you had to try and alleviate me for feeling so absolutely useless these past two weeks. My weakness is my own fault and you shouldn't have to feel the need or the responsibility to be so kind to me. I know that you are the kind of person who is much too nice, too hospitable to a fault almost, and … I never meant to make you feel like this was something you had to do as a friend. I – " Alice cut me off with a single finger.

"Sh. Hush Bella. I did not say anything just now out of feelings of responsibility or kindness. I meant everything I said and I said those things not out of duty but out of concern and because I _care_ about you as your friend and roommate. I might not be Angela but I am _here_ for you and I will _always_ be here for you no matter where you are or what is bothering you. You are precious to me and all you have to do is ask and I'll be right there for you no matter what distance might separate us. There is only one reason I would ever do something like this, only one reason I would ever go so far for someone; love. I love you Bella, more than I could ever say. I love you because you truly are a wonderful person and there is so much good about you, much more than you give yourself credit for. I would go this far only for my family, very good friends, people I care about. You are definitely someone I care for, someone who is very precious to me. Even though we've only known each other for a little over two months you are someone who is so dear to me."

I felt overwhelmed by the unadulterated, pure emotions I heard in her voice as she spoke, the feeling and emotion that showed in her eyes and her words. I felt tears prick in my eyes as we continued on to her car but I held them at bay, as I did whenever I felt like crying. Alice must have known, somehow sensed, that I was feeling that way, feeling like crying, because she rubbed my back comfortingly, with slow strokes and held me within the warm confines of her arms. Just the feeling of her arms around me made me shudder at the feelings assaulting my senses and I felt goose bumps running up my arms at the how warm her hands felt against my suddenly cold skin.

I turned my head towards Alice, leaning in to the crook of her neck, to whisper brokenly, "Thank you Alice. Just … thank you." My voice broke as I spoke. She just tightened her grip on me just enough so that I could feel it but not enough to crush my still fragile body. I felt the strength she was trying to give me and I could no longer hold back the tears that were gathering in my eyes. Just a single tear fell convienently onto her skin and she squeezed gently yet again and I felt myself melt and fall just a bit more in love with her. She definitely had me addicted to her kindness and personality, and more in love with her than I had ever thought possible. Everything about her just made my heart soar and beat heavily in my chest, as if I had just been running for miles just to find her, just to fall in love with her.

"Let's get home Bella. We'll talk more when we get back to our dormroom okay?" I only nodded softly and we continued our way to her car. She seemed reluctant to let me go as she looked at the passenger side she had just opened and even seemed to hesitate in taking that little step forward. She looked at me with gentle, loving eyes that seemed to just pierce through me and nudged me lightly before tenderly placing me into the seat and buckling me with a softness I had never seen in her before. _I wonder if that means anything or if it's just me … wishing for that, hoping, dreaming, yearning for something to be there? I wish it was as easy as just asking her "Hey Alice, why is it you look at me like that? Do you like me?" But nothing in life is ever that easy … if anything life is just a game that I have lost at so many times._

I sighed and before I even realized it we were already in the parking lot, I hadn't even noticed that the car had stopped moving being so lost in my thoughts. I turned to look at Alice who had a worried look on her face, one I had become very familiar with in the past two months we had been together. Her concern and tender affection for me always surprised me even though we had grown so used to each other … I couldn't deny these feelings I more than returned … I love her so much. I feel so much adoration and love swelling in my heart and the eyes I had become so accustomed to, looked back at me with similar feelings … perhaps it wasn't just my imagination.

I wanted to test these feelings out … my hunch mostly. I made to learn over but she immediately caught on to what I was attempting to do and stopped me. "Wait just a moment Bella. Let me come to you." She got out of the car and moved over to my side and opened the door before leaning in slightly to talk to me, "I want to get inside first and settle down in our room so you can be comfortable … well more comfortable than in my car." I smiled and nodded and allowed her to help me out of the car. I smiled in adoration, feelings of love washing over me and causing me to smile goofily. I didn't care. I was proud to love Alice because she was someone who was rare in this world, a good person with a big heart.

Soon enough she was setting me down on my bed gently before sitting down herself beside me and lying against my pillow. I reached over her to try and grab my best friend, who had been so since I was four, but I couldn't quite make it and Alice, noticing my struggle, came to my aid and handed him to me. I felt myself smile in gratitude before taking hold of him and hugging his small, tiny little frame to me. I heard her chuckle softly and turned to her, questioning her with my gaze. "What?" She smiled at me and shrugged, looking away from me. "Alice? What?" She gave me a look before chuckling again but she opted to answer instead of looking away again.

"You're just really cute." She looked so genuine in answering but I felt my throat constrict hearing those words leave her mouth but again doubt gnawed at me. "I mean … sure no one really says that to you but you are just so adorable and well … I think it's really cute that you still have this little guy here and take comfort in him even though he looks like he's been a bit roughed up over the years. I think it's cute that you still hold him like this, as if you were still a child … you're just really cute." Alice seemed to find amusement in my disbelief of her thoughts; of her thinking _I_ was cute when I thought that _she_ was cute.

"There's just no way … I can't really see that … I mean … what could possibly be _cute_ about _me?_ I just cannot fathom why you can anything _cute_ about me because … well … it just doesn't seem plausible. I just … how is _anything_ about me, personality wise, cute in any way? I just don't see myself as someone who is cute of all things … I mean … I sort of, kind of, hate myself for what I've done, how I was, who I was, the sins I've committed … the blood that is on my hands. The wrong I've done just doesn't allow me to see myself in a good light anymore, even the tiniest bit of good is not something I can see in myself." I stopped, feeling overwhelmed yet again due to the emotions that continued to rage through me even after all of these years. I had let my guard down one too many times and this maelstrom was the end result of such foolishness.

Just when I felt the tears start to prick my eyes I felt arms envelop me and the almost immediate, and familiar, affect was me calming drastically. I squeezed my best friend in my arms as Alice held me tightly to her, running a hand up and down my arm, her other hand ran gentle fingers through my hair. Her presence alone comforted me but the feeling of her comforting me, the emotions she alone brought out of me, made me experience a peace I never felt before, even before I became the mess that I am now. I never knew such tranquility … such serenity could exist in my life or in the sole form of … Alice, pure Alice. My Alice, my love and my best friend … she is so much to me.

She always knew what to do to comfort me no matter how broken and shattered I felt. It didn't matter if I was on the verge of tears or hysterics; she always made me feel so much better without even doing much of anything other than being there. Her warmth alone made me feel as if I was strong again … like I could actually handle all of these emotions that usually drove me mad with guilt to the point I dreamt of nightmares even in my daydreams, even when I was wide awake. It truly was a wonder though, how one person alone could do this even if it is love that allows it to happen.

Snuggled further into her and sighed, I felt so tired, so very drained of every bit of energy in my body and she seemed to sense this. "It's okay Bella … if you're tired then you can go right ahead and fall asleep on me okay? In fact I think you should rest now … even if you try to hide it from I can tell you are tired all of the time and that you have had a tough time sleeping lately. Your eyes are tired all of the time even if you hide it well with your body language and everything else … your eyes give you away. I love how honest your eyes are Bella … if only you could be as honest with yourself."

Dang this observant girl really … how she notices half of the things she does amazes and continues to astound me. She hit the nail on the head yet again … but the reason I wasn't sleeping nearly as much, becoming an insomniac almost was for two reasons. Three guesses as to what my number one reason for not sleeping well is! Of course I spent so many hours just … analyzing everything, every aspect of my days with Alice and just thinking about Alice in general. And then there's the fact that sometimes I'm just in too much pain to sleep, too sore and too broken, bruised, too shattered to sleep. Sometimes it was all I could do not to scream and thrash around the bed because of the pain and fear of waking Alice up in the middle of the night and then she would try and comfort me and lose sleep as well. I could not do that to her nor allow that to happen if I could help it.

I might possibly be borderline obsessed with Alice with the sheer amount of time I was so absolutely consumed by thoughts of her, thinking about her and how much I wish she was mine to love freely. But that would probably never happen. Nothing is easy like that in life. No one grants a wish like that … nothing is that easy. 'If only, if only … the bird sings to the lifeless, lonely night sky. No matter how much or how hard I wish upon a star. You seem to be the only one capable of healing these scars.' That was so true in this case, it related to Alice and who she is to me so much, so perfectly. I was so in love with her … maybe too in love with her … maybe … no why would I ever think that would be okay? I'm sure she would … politely decline and be … well Alice about it.

"Bella? Are you okay? You've been very quiet and … well introverted for lack of a better word for your staring, unfocused eyes. Won't you please let me in? I feel … like there's something that you want to tell me but … you're hesitating because you're scared to tell me because you don't know how I'll react to it. Your eyes are so … sad right now. Please don't be afraid. I would never turn my back on you, I would never abandon you. I will listen to everything you have to say without getting mad, without judging you for whatever you need to tell me, nor would I just ignore you. I don't know what it is you want to say because you have no plans to tell me … it's best for you to impulsively tell me whatever it is you want to say so I don't have a vision beforehand." Alice's face was so earnest, her words so innocent and honest, emotions raw.

Once again Alice left me speechless with how well she seemed to be able to read my emotions even when my face was expressionless. I sighed and thought how best to go about this … whether I wanted to or not. My confession was something I was still unsure of … perhaps it would be best to wait until after I'm fully healed? Only another two weeks would be in between … that would give me plenty of time to think it over, plan what exactly it is I want to say … how I want to confess, if at all. In two weeks' time I can decide whether I would want to confess to Alice at all or just … wait it out … see if these feelings were just a passing thing or if I'm truly falling into the depths of this unknown. Maybe I've finished falling into this chasm of love.

"I … understand. Thank you Alice but … I don't … I'm not … I can't … I … I-I um …" I couldn't form the words I wanted to say to her at all. I was tongue tied and I for some reason it felt like the words were stuck in my throat even though they wanted to escape at the same time. It was as if my mind and my heart were at war with each other causing my indecision and inarticulate tongue. My mind felt it in its best interest to keep these things inside while my heart was screaming at me to let it all out instead of keeping these feelings locked deep inside. I was going crazy; I had to be, in order for these things to happen to me. "I'm going crazy, I'm going out of my mind because I … I'm …" I almost let it out but I stopped mid sentence realizing what I was about to reveal impulsively.

Alice looked befuddled and unsure of what it was I was about to say and I wanted to keep it that way. "Wait … what? What were you going to say Bella? You look so conflicted with yourself … is there something you want to tell me? I … I don't understand." She was so innocent and sincere … I couldn't possibly … taint her with my feelings … someone as impure as me shouldn't taint her with my love.

"It … I … n-nothing. It was nothing. I was just … nothing n-never mind j-just forget about it, it's nothing important. I'm just … I don't know how to say what I want to say right now so um … I want to think about how to … best word what it is I want to tell you. I'm not sure where to start honestly because it's … something I never expected to happen to me … I mean, sure, it's not something uncommon but … I just never thought something like this would ever happen to me. I've never really thought about something like this in my life. It actually is so surreal; these things that I feel were so unexpected."

Alice seemed even more lost and confused about what I was trying to convey to her with words half thought out and even more muddled than my brain normally allowed. I knew that I was being very vague but I couldn't help it, I didn't want her to realize I was talking about _her_ and more specifically my _feelings for her._ That would just make my day even worse than it already was, which I was sure couldn't get any worse. Some days were so bad with me nearly blurting things like this, feelings like this, out because of my carelessness. It was so exasperating but it couldn't be helped. I couldn't possibly control my feelings; the emotions she brought out of me, the way she made me feel so completely wonderful but so terribly agonized at the same time.

The sound of her voice broke me out of my reverie, "I … I still don't really understand what it is you're trying to tell me. Is it that you … want to tell me about a life changing event that happened to you or is happening to you now or something like that? I mean I understand that you are saying that you want some time to gather your thoughts to figure out how best to explain to me what you want to tell me because you don't how to say it right now and all. But … does Angela know about this? Do you think maybe you should tell her instead? I'm not saying that I don't want to hear you out or anything like that, no, just that maybe you should tell her first because you've known her much longer than you've known me. You're probably a lot more comfortable with her and it might be easier for you to talk to her about this and then after you've told her maybe it will help ease you so you know what to say to me."

Alice was once again being so considerate of me and I felt guilt flash through me for not being straight out honest with her but … I couldn't … yet. I wanted to tell her but I couldn't bring myself to because not even I could explain how this had happened in so little time and that it happened at all was still a surprise. This was something I hadn't ever really thought about happening to me … my one relationship was rather painful because … I couldn't even like him back. He was only ever a friend in my eyes and nothing more and it hurt him so much to know that, that was all I would ever feel for him. How could I possibly like someone now? Well it's not so much a surprise that I like Alice, love Alice, so much because she's so … perfect for me … sure we've had a few problems, my dislike of shopping and me teasing her so much even if she takes it so well. But that didn't make me love her any less. I was still very much in love with her despite the fact that it irritated me how much she loved shopping and clothes in general.

"It's not so much that I'm uncomfortable with you Alice … this is just a situation I've never had to … deal with. I don't really know how to start nor do I know how to explain it just yet really … I do agree with you, I do need to talk to Angela, but it is purely to help organize my thoughts more than anything else. It has absolutely nothing to do with you … well actually it has everything to do with you but um … just let me talk to Angela first and then I'll tell you what it is that is … so unexplainable to me right now. There's nothing I could possibly do now even if I wanted to because it is not something I should just blurt out of no where, I need to think this through first. You know what I mean Alice?" It hurt … how understanding but distressed she looked … she might have even been worried about it more so because I said it had everything to do with her.

Just as I was about to tell her it wasn't something she had to worry about, that I wasn't going to try and tell her I hated her or anything she might have thought she spoke. "I … I understand Bella … really I do. It just … I just … you don't … I … never mind, it's nothing to worry about really is it?" Alice was at her most inarticulate at this moment more so than I had ever seen her, or rather never seen her. She was always so composed and relaxed. The only time I had ever really seen her flustered was when she was with Rose earlier due to her teasing but even then she still had a steady wit about her.

"NO! No, no, no! Let me clarify. It is not anything bad at all! I really don't know what you're thinking but it is most likely not what it is you think this is about … it might not necessarily be good … per se but it isn't anything bad … at least I hope it isn't. It's just … the way I'm feeling right now is rather … hard to explain and though it pertains to you specifically it's not that I hate you or dislike you or anything negative like that at all … it's rather … confusing for me at times to put a name to what it is I want to say without giving away what it is I can't quite explain yet. Just do not worry about it because I promise you I'm not going to suddenly say I hate you or anything along those lines." _It's quite the opposite really._ I was relieved to see that she no longer looked hurt. I think I even let out a sigh of relief and from the giggle I got from her she must also be relieved.

"Even though I still don't know what it is you want to say I can say that I'm glad that, that is not the case … I will admit that I was I unsure what it was you meant but it startled me, scared me really, that it has everything to do with me as you said. I wasn't sure what to make of it but now I'm relieved that it isn't anything that I was thinking at all. But do promise me not to wait too long to have this talk with Angela? The longer you make me wait the more anxious and insecure I will become." I smiled at her in reassurance.

"Of course Alice, I will. I wouldn't dream of making you wait too long. After all I do hate waiting for things myself so I won't torture you with such a tedious thing." I felt so much lighter after this, seeing her smile at me made my heart flutter and my cheeks felt warm. If this feeling isn't love then I don't know what is, as cheesy and clichéd as it might sound.

And here's chapter 7, waiting, as promised!^^ This chapter is just over 8,000 words in length and I hope there's enough to keep you guys reading and reviewing if you so desire!^^ I am just dreading the next chapter due to the sheer length of this chapter alone! I think I'll go back to about 6,000 word chapters just because I don't think I can keep up with typing out too many words and possibly running out of ideas and such.

姫宮光る


	8. Difficult

Chapter 8

Difficult

As annoying as Angela could be she was a good friend, a loyal friend, my best friend. There was no one I trusted more than her and she felt the same way about me and no one could break our special bond. There was so much I needed to tell her, so much I needed to say, to articulate. I was only just allowed to take care of myself now, no need for others' help anymore but it was allowed with extreme caution. My gash was still present but slight after being allowed six weeks' time to heal and my broken and cracked ribs were mostly mended. My bruises were all healed by now and I was feeling better than ever but things were still … difficult. There was a slight strain in my interactions with others … I couldn't seem to get my mind off of what I wanted to tell Angela.

I had made plans to meet up with Angela in just another ten minutes at the café on campus and it was driving me crazy to think that I was about to confess my feelings for my roommate to my best friend. I had to be completely out of my mind to do such a thing … I mean seriously who else would confess to their _best friend_ before their _love interest_? Only me that's who! I felt sick to my stomach at the thought, nervous beyond reason and just simply out of my mind with worry.

I realized that I had been staring at nothing and that Angela had arrived about five minutes earlier than I had planned. It startled me the way she had just been staring at me, waiting for me to realized that she was here already. She had a slightly creepy look on her face, a slight smirk that made me nervous, and the way her eyes were shining with a mischievous glint, an almost dangerous glint. I flinched when I heard her voice, unreasonably so. She may be my best friend but she was also the strangest person I had ever met … perhaps strange wasn't quite the best word … eccentric … or even unique would be better fit to describe her person. She saw things in such unique ways and she could be many different contradictions all rolled into one that it caused confusion to those who didn't know her nearly as well as me.

"Angela?" I interrupted her mid sentence, "you do realize that your staring is _extremely_ creepy right? I mean I am your best friend and _I_ find it creepy when you do that kind of thing. It _really_ creeps me out when you look at me like that instead of garnering my attention some other way such as tapping my shoulder … calling me by name or ..."

This time _she_ did the interrupting. "Bella … I called your name at least six times before I sat down and started staring at your exterior in a 'creepy' way, as you put it." She air quoted it and everything and I felt myself grow slightly pink at the embarrassment I felt knowing that she _had_ tried to gain my attention in the way she knew I preferred but I didn't respond like I was supposed to.

"Oh … er sorry about that Angela ..." my face had to be beet red at this point. There was nothing more embarrassing than being so spaced out you didn't respond to someone talking to you even when they called you several times in a row to try and catch your attention. It really made me feel so stupid and ashamed but I knew Angela would brush it off as nothing, like she did most things she was used to. "Well you know me … the more deep in thought I am the more out of it I become … I could ignore the entire world for my thoughts or if I'm deeply concentrated on something you know? Well I'm sorry about that regardless Angela … wait you didn't start a scene or anything right? You just said my name normally?" I felt myself hold my breath in anticipation.

Angela was purposefully making me nervous the way she opened and closed her mouth the way she did. She repeated the action a few times before she seriously answered me though her voice was laced with amusement "I don't think I did anything out of the ordinary … then again you were too spaced out to notice so who knows … maybe I was being obnoxiously loud to try and get your attention?" She had a sly smirk on her face as she stared back at me with a glint in her eyes that were uniquely hers, serious yet playful.

I groaned in frustration but thought better of letting any other signs of my annoyance come forth, which would just be _asking_ for trouble with Angela. "Right well … er well then did you want to get anything to eat or drink? I know you love having the iced coffee and muffins for breakfast here." I was trying to buy time, draw things out so I could think, and Angela gave me _that_ look, the one with an arched eyebrow and a look that clearly said 'get on with it Swan'. My face flushed at my predictability and stalling and just then things got even more … difficult. Alice walked in and spotted me and waved before walking over toward the table Angela and I were currently occupying. I cursed inwardly at seeing her, _just why? Why did I have to pick this café knowing it's one of Alice's favorite places to eat breakfast during the weekends? I must be sabotaging myself really!_

"Bella, Angela! Fancy meeting you two here! Waaaaaaait … did you guys come here without me? I am _so_ hurt!" I could tell she was teasing but I still felt guilty. I wanted to respond but Angela beat me to the punch and oh how I wanted to hit her then … or at least face palm.

"Oh Alice it just so happens that Bella called me out to spill her guts about her crushing ways on someone!" I felt myself grow red at Angela's answer! There was a smirk on her face at seeing me flush and I knew she knew that she was right.

"What? I never said that! Angela … argh you just … you … I can't believe you said that! It is … I didn't say that and yet here you are being … well you! You are completely frustrating Angela Webber! I still don't know how we've been best friends after all these years!" I could hardly complete even a thought with my flustered state. It was infuriating when Angela said these things due to their accuracy and also without me having said anything.

Angela only continued to smirk, it actually looked like it widened at my reaction. "But of course it's because you love me Bella and you're only being defensive because I'm right!" Her grin could compete with the Cheshire cat and maybe even beat it out with how wide it was. I let out a frustrated huff and crossed my arms and pouted and twisted myself in a different direction. "Awe lookie Alice! Bella's pouting now! She looks so adorable when she pouts doesn't she? Like a petulant child when they don't get their way!" My face only continued to flush but then pain flashed through my stomach, and I felt the agony of stretching my gash.

I was testing it too much, too much strain from my current position turned away from Angela. I knew I had opened it and that at any moment the blood would seep into my shirt. Alice gasped, knowing what I had done, and ran to my side immediately, pulling me into her. I allowed myself to be repositioned so that I was leaning back against my chair as she lifted my shirt slightly to inspect my wound. She tsk-ed at the sight and ran her finger gently around the bandages to find the knot and that was not a good sign. The bandages were most likely bled through, from what I could tell and from what Alice was doing.

Angela gasped at the sight and looked pained at seeing it. I struggled to keep my pain in check to keep myself from groaning in pain, in absolute agony. Alice was clearly panicked at such an unexpected development, at such a backward step from my progress forward. "Angela, help me! We need to get her back to the dorms so I can help re-bandage her temporarily while we wait for an ambulance. Please call one immediately after we settle her on her bed so we can have some hope of salvaging the situation."

Angela nodded once in understanding before grabbing me by my right side since Alice had been on my left. I hissed at the strain of having to move my body in cooperation with theirs as they helped me as quickly as they could across the campus to my dorm room. It was a terrible but familiar pain, one that I'd had for the past five weeks. I had hoped that after six weeks it would be okay, after six weeks I was hoping to be active again without pain but it was a fruitless wish. Things just liked to stay complicated and difficult and everything had to go wrong in my life.

They settled me on the bed as Alice got to work with bandaging my wound up again as Angela called the ambulance for me. I hated the bandages that constantly constricted my movement but I knew I had to deal with it.

I nearly screamed in pain when Alice tied a knot just a bit too tightly against my stomach and I had to clench my eyes shut and grit my teeth to keep myself from doing just that. Alice gently laid her hand on my shoulder and looked at me with apologetic eyes. I looked into her eyes for a moment and nodded my understanding, keeping my mouth closed lest I let a scream rip from it.

"Bella just hold on, they'll be here soon. Just calm down, listen to my voice and calm down." I heard no more because the excruciating pain and blood loss finally got to me and I found myself in a dark place filled with distorted noises, sounds almost like voices. I lost all of my senses in a numb abyss filled with a darkness I'd never felt before, it was almost peaceful. Almost.

My senses came back to me in pieces. First I felt someone's warmth, warmth that felt very familiar, the warmth of a hand in my own, _her_ hand. The second thing my senses picked up was gentle, nimble fingers running through my hair in such a tender way. The third thing I picked up was the sound of a voice, _her_ voice. The voice I had fallen in love with, the person I was so madly in love with. She was singing a song softly, so softly I could barely hear her.

I heard her sigh though she did not stop her gentle caress she had moved from my hair to my cheeks. That was when I heard her voice clearly, "oh Bella … I wish … I wish you … why did it have to happen? I should have prevented it from happening … it's so unfair for you to be in this constant pain … I should have been there … I should have tried harder. If only … I wish I had protected you from this fate … Bella … I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry that this had to happen to you."

An unexpected voice spoke quietly from somewhere far away from me, from us. "Then why don't you just tell her how you feel when you wake up instead of while she is not present for it … well that and what about telling her about your other feelings too Alice?" I would know that voice anywhere but what shocked me more was that she said 'other feelings'.

"Oh um uh … wait how do you … I never said … anything about my feelings … I seriously ugh never mind. Just … can you just leave me alone for right now? I mean I love you very much, you're practically my family but I … need a moment alone." Alice's voice was so sad, so broken I felt my heart lurch with pain. I felt a pain stab through my chest with each heart wrenching word, with every broken and pained breath she let out.

"Okay Alice but … just keep what I said in mind. Don't just let this go because you know she's special … you've already you know. Leah wants to meet her sometime soon in the future." I could tell she loved Leah, whoever she was, based on how tenderly she said her name. "I understand why you're so hesitant … you don't want to look into her future but you know that you can't help how you feel. Don't wait too long or she might be gone, she might get tired of waiting for some kind of … assertion on your part, not knowing kills any chance you might have, either of you might have so don't wait Alice. I almost lost Leah because I kept waiting, kept hesitating even though it was so obvious how much I felt for her, how I was obviously head over heels in love with her." This kind of thing coming from Rosalie was surprising to say the least. Though Rosalie was a direct person she hedged around her personal feelings a lot.

"I know Rose … just give me time. I promise I won't wait too long but I need to sort my thoughts and desires out … I need to sort me out first before doing anything. I don't want to hurt her because she's so … she's so important to me … I don't want to mess things up. I mean we're the best of friends right now but what if … what if she hates me after I tell her." I wasn't sure if they were talking about me or some other friend of Alice's … I could barely remember half of what they were saying anymore with my senses still waking up oh so very slowly.

I heard nothing else for the next few moments but soon enough I felt those warm hands take up softly running up and down my cheeks again. That was enough for me and I felt content in this space. My bliss was soon enveloped by that peaceful darkness once again.

Slowly I felt my senses wake up to the feeling of a slight weight on my arm, a warm hand in my own. I felt a weight across my lower stomach and warmth that heated my arm every few seconds with every breath she took. I felt at peace even though I knew I should have been in pain. That's when I heard two hushed voices speaking somewhere to my left.

"It's been six hours … she should have woken up a few hours ago. I mean come on! Even if she's been on that ivy drip and whatever else post stitches she should be awake already!" I knew that frustrated voice well even if it rarely ever came out of Angela's mouth, even if she seldom ever felt frustrated about things.

"I know. I understand your worry but it takes time for these things, there is no set time limit for her to stay unconscious under certain medications. I know that you are worried but she should be waking soon and you just must be patient. Give her time. I will be back to check up on her in another half hour and I'm sure she will be awake by then. Patience Angela, I know it's not easy but you must be patient." Dr. Cull- I mean Carlisle's voice was soft and calm and soothing, gentle. He was definitely born to be a doctor with those kinds of attributes.

I heard Angela sigh and she must have nodded because I didn't hear any verbal response. I heard a faint noise almost like a pat and then footsteps and silence … well more like Alice's gentle and slow breathing and some beeping noise but as silent as a hospital room can be.

I opened my eyes to find a blinding light in my eyes and shut them immediately. I let out a groan from the feeling that left me with; nausea. I felt Angela at my side almost immediately from the noise I let out and I felt warmed by Angela's presence, well not nearly as much as having Alice by my side.

"Bella? Did you wake up Bella?" Angela's normally easy going manner was full of worry at this moment and I smiled.

I let one eye peek open and then opened my other, allowing them to slowly adjust to the light. "Yes." My voice sounded gravelly to my ears and I felt a difference in Alice's breathing as she slowly woke up. "I'm sorry about … causing this mess. I didn't mean to … I mean … I should have been more care—" I was cut off by a very sexy looking Alice.

Alice's hair was even in more disarray than usual and her voice was gravelly and low, the perfect mix for sexy. "Bella, this isn't your fault! You couldn't have known that you were still so sensitive from what happened to you because of that … that bastard! It's as much his fault as it is my own!" I had never Alice so emotional or passionate or angry even in the few months that I'd gotten to know her.

"I know but you shouldn't blame yourself either. You honestly tried to keep me inside but I chose leave and here are the consequences. I know you didn't want any of this to happen so don't blame yourself Alice. I think you've blamed yourself enough and that it's time for you to forgive yourself a little bit at a time and understand that _I don't blame you._ I know that it's hard to forgive yourself for a mistake that … you can never rectify but … but if you do it little by little … you can." My voice cracked as thoughts of my mother rushed over me.

I felt two very different pair of hands envelop my own and squeeze comfortingly, reassuringly. Alice's hand, though, was the one I felt most comforted by, the one I could feel most because of my growing feelings for her. I loved them both dearly but I was _in love_ with Alice so though Angela's hand was warm and her love important to me … nothing could compare to the bliss of feeling Alice hold me so tenderly.

Love for her poured over me as I looked into her bright topaz eyes though the sight was marred by the tears that had formed in them, not yet falling down her pale, porcelain cheeks. I looked away to seek Angela's eyes out and I saw that she was confused but also slightly hurt about being out of the loop. The look in her eyes changed to 'you better tell me later' in a matter of moments when we locked eyes. Then they became warm and reassuring again because she knew about how difficult these things were for me.

We were enveloped by a comfortable silence until it was broken by approaching footsteps and in came a blonde head. "Oh you're awake now Bella. I came in to check up on your vitals quickly before Dr. Cullen comes in. I'll just be a moment. You sure seem popular with the ladies Bella." Rosalie's teasing was something I had gotten used to in the last few weeks of checkups I had to keep going to because of my condition.

I nodded slowly and immediately missed both Alice and Angela's warmth, mostly Alice's though due to my budding love for her. I never thought such a thing possible, to love someone so much that you couldn't spend enough time with them.

Rosalie went through the whole process with quick efficiency though she had some trouble finding my pulse for some reason. Apparently my blood was thinner than usual today or something to that affect.

I could only assume it had something to do with this unexpected visit and that I hadn't eaten all day. I would have said as much but I didn't want to sound stupid by saying something like that without knowing if it was relevant to the conversation, or rather to her probing, or not. I kept my mouth shut and only nodded or murmured a quiet 'yes' when I became too dizzy from all of the nodding.

My senses were becoming dull again without Alice nearby and they were going in a bad way, not peaceful like they were before. I closed my eyes but I felt a gentle tap against my wrist and opened them slightly. Rosalie was giving me a worried look. I tried to smile but I felt that darkness trying to overtake me again.

"Bella? Bella what's wrong? Bella? Bella? You have to stay awake! Alice go get Carlisle stat!" Rosalie's voice was fading from my mind quickly and I had no idea why. I felt so dizzy and tired … my mind was buzzing with a strange lethargy I'd never felt before. Apparently it was worth panicking over because Rosalie kept doing things to keep me awake, to keep my mind from going to the darkness of shutting down, from what I could tell anyways.

In what felt like no time at all Alice and Carlisle were back in the room with me, Carlisle stood by Rosalie and Alice on my left side with Angela.

"Rosalie what's going on with Bella?" Carlisle, though I could tell he was worried, asked calmly.

"I don't know but I suspect her body's going into shock as we speak … I mean she was asleep for such a long time and then … well she looked like she was struggling to stay awake when I was examining her vitals. She seems to have a lot of stress weighing her down from what I can see. That in combination with the stress of her body might have caused her to go into shock." Rosalie spoke so quickly I could only catch every other word coming out of her mouth.

Alice's hand held mine once again, almost as if she couldn't help but hold it when she was worried. I felt myself grow warm at the thought.

I opened my eyes again to see that I was surrounded by them. I couldn't hear them … it was as if they were being muffled by something. I could hear very vaguely words like cold, clammy, and pale but I could not hear much else. I felt so cold … so very lethargic and cold but they kept trying to get me to stay awake through various means.

At one point I remember Alice shaking my hand to keep me awake, gently at first until Rosalie told her to be rougher to keep me awake.

Everything after that was a blur, to me it seemed like everything was moving in slow motion, almost as if time was slowing down … actually that had to be my heartbeat slowing down. I could feel it beating slower and slower with every moment that passed … it gave me a sinking feeling that I lost more blood than anyone realized.

I felt myself finally fall into the nothingness that had waited to claim me all this time. My last thought before I fell out of consciousness was _this is what regression must feel like._

When awoke once again I felt slightly … bloated as strange as that feeling was. I felt like I was full of something, though what that something was I could not tell … my senses came back to me much more quickly this time. I could tell that it was dark just because of the fact that there was dim lighting.

Alice was still by my side, to my right again, only this time she was quiet and still as she held my hand in between both of hers. I could tell that Alice was sad, hurt, and I wanted to cheer her up, make her feel just a little bit better if I could.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw that it was indeed dark as I had predicted it would be. Rather I had guessed that it was dark. I moved my eyes to the right where I knew Alice would be and saw her looking down at our hands sadly. When I finally spoke my voice sounded like a raw croak, "Alice?" Her eyes snapped up immediately at the sound of my voice and her face lit up magnificently, beautifully.

I smiled and felt my cracked lips strain at the movement. "Oh would you like some water?" I nodded and tried to convey how grateful I was through my eyes. I still wondered how she could tell what I needed without me ever saying a word to her. It, no, _she_ amazed me. How could I not love her? How could I deny that I loved her so many months ago? She's so amazing and wonderful, so kind and beautiful inside and out.

She left for only a few moments before she was back with a cold bottle of water, cap off and ready for me. I tried to sit up but she held a hand up as I made to move. She put the water on a table off to the side and sat on the edge of the bed and facing me. She gently put an arm under my neck and pushed me up gently before grabbing me around my waist and lifting me up just as tenderly. She did it all as if it was practiced, which it was really.

I tried to clear my throat but ended up sounding croaky anyways. She held up a hand once again and spoke to me softly, warmly, "not until you've have some water to wet your dry throat Bella. I know you must have a lot of questions but you have to take care of your dehydration first." I could not help but smile and nod my assent.

She smiled back at me before grabbing the water with her right hand and putting her left arm under my neck to support me again. She tipped the water past my lips little by little to allow it to trickle down my throat, to ease it passed my lips slowly for me.

I brought a hand up after drinking a few gulps of the sweet tasting water, strangely enough for most people I actually like the taste of certain water 'brands'. My throat felt better and my lips were not quite as chapped.

Alice smiled at me and I felt myself melt inside. "Now you may speak!"

I laughed and though my throat still tickled with a slight dryness I was content. "Thank you Alice … I know now isn't exactly the best time to get into it but um … what exactly happened to me earlier? I know that it wasn't supposed to happen," my throat felt dry again and I started coughing in between pauses. Alice was almost instinctually ready with water in hand for me to drink.

I smiled as she brought it closer to my lips and gently let it trickle in again. It confused me to see her acting so gently and nurturing while at the same time seeming so sad behind her somehow sincere smile.

I almost asked her why when someone else approached and threw me off track. Angela sat down on the other side of me and smiled at me with concern and worry etched into her features. I felt myself grow weary of seeing them both like that, the two people I loved most were acting as if I was about to die. Was it out of fear? I felt myself grow nervous at that thought.

"Hey, you're awake now Bella." Rosalie stepped into the room and I found myself grow even more anxious at seeing her expression. It was neutral … not smiling, not smirking … just neutral in a bad news kind of way. "I know you must have noticed a few things after you woke up right Bella?" I nodded and she continued. "Well we made a mistake earlier that caused us to give you a blood transfusion earlier and we want to apologize for that. I'm sure Alice took care of your dehydration by now. So I'm sure you'll be fine but you must stay here until tomorrow since you're condition is very tentative until Dr. Cullen checks on you in a little bit. I'm really sorry this happened Bella … we should have realized before you went into shock."

And Rosalie truly looked it. "I understand and it's ok. I know you probably feel awful about it and I won't make a big deal out of it. Besides this wasn't how I had initially planned on spending my Saturday but I'm still glad Alice and Angela are here with me now. Don't sweat it Rosalie because I'm still alive."

Angela looked at me in slight shock because I was always so negative and I always wish it had been me instead of my mother. She used to always scold me about being so self depreciating about all aspects of myself. I understand her thoughts but I still felt like crap for being alive when my mother sacrificed herself for me. I could never forgive myself even though it had been so long ago.

"Bella … this isn't something I would normally say but … thank you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness for allowing something as horrible as this happen to you but … thank you." Rosalie looked genuinely touched by my forgiveness.

"I only wish I could get out of here sooner than tomorrow but I understand. What time is it anyways?" I wondered the last part out loud since I wasn't aware of time most of today.

"Oh it's um … almost nine now Bella." Alice piped in.

I felt my eyes bulge open. "It's been almost _twelve hours?_ Are you _serious?_ I can't believe I've been in here for that long!" I was shocked beyond belief by that revelation.

Alice and Angela and even Rosalie were all quiet … a silence filled with tension enveloped the room and I could tell that they were all … unsure about what to say in response to me. I was incredulous because not only had I basically slept the day away but I also missed a lot of important events happening.

"I … I just need a moment to … process that. I mean I've never slept for half a day after I've woken up for the day. I feel so … disoriented from hearing that." I left it at that not knowing what else to say.

"It's not really such a bad thing because your body needs to recover. You need to understand that you're only human and that it just so happens that your body needs to rest more when you've had the kind of injuries that you do. I know it's not easy knowing that you basically slept your entire day away but it just so happens that your body needed it and still might need it. When Dr. Cullen comes in he will take a look at your vitals and show you some things he had taken care of … or rather made sure of to do while you were out after your initial state of shock." Rosalie may not have been someone I ever thought of as … well a confidant let alone someone to go to for comfort but … hearing her say what she did made me feel better immensely.

I nodded my head in resignation and let out a sigh. "Thanks Rosalie … I just wish things didn't turn out this way, that's all. I guess I'll see you later but hopefully not here?" Rosalie laughed at that and nodded.

Not long after, from what I could tell, Carlisle came into the room with a small smile on his face which gave me some hope that things would be all right, that I could leave soon.

"Well Bella," he started off and I felt my nerves shoot through me. "From what I can see you going into shock was a mistake on my part and I apologize for that. The good news is that we only need to keep you here for just until the morning to make sure your blood transfusion was a success and that you will be stable from now on. Other than that I have no news for you, good or bad. Your test results all indicate that you had a massive amount of blood loss and we didn't take that into account earlier in our rush." He looked sincerely remorseful so I couldn't fault him for it.

"It's all right I understand. I mean I know you wouldn't do something like this to me on purpose and all is forgiven Dr. Cull—I mean Carlisle." I smiled back at him tiredly. I really had no energy from the moment I woke up until now because I had been asleep for so long. It might have been something else though.

"I know that you must feel tired now and that's okay because the medication we gave you is supposed to make you feel sleepy. Your body needs to rest for a little while longer before you can fully enjoy being lively and awake because it really does need to catch up on rest because of all of the healing it is required to do, has been trying to do for the past few weeks. I will see you in the morning. Good night Bella." With that he left.

Alice and Angela had both been entirely too quiet this entire time and I was worried about them but I was also so very tired. "Um well … you guys can go back to the dorms if you want to now since … you know I'll be stuck here for a while yet. I know you guys must be tired from being here all day and you need a well deserved rest in your beds. Good night."

I could tell that they both wanted to say something but were unsure how to start.

Alice broke the silence first, "well I know that it's not a huge deal right now for you to stay but I still want to be by your side to support you. I'm sure Angela feels the same way even if she might have a different way of expressing it. We're staying here right next to you until you leave and we'll still be there for you then too. You can't drive us away Bella, you're stuck with us!"

Alice had a way of assuaging my fears with her quirky personality. I couldn't really argue with what she said so I was resigned to accept it, not that I would want it any other way.

I slept well that night, enveloped in two different pair of warm, caring arms. My dreams were pleasant for the first time in years and I wondered if this was the mark of something new, of something good for me. My thoughts trailed as I fell asleep with a smile on my face at these thoughts and the warmth of loving arms.

Apparently the room I put Bella and Alice in is the same room I'm in at my dorm! Coincidence much? Or is it fate? This is pretty amazing that I predicted the dorm room I would be in ten months before I even _found out_ which room I would be dorming in!^^ I'm also on the second floor as well!O.o Also I apologize for the shorter length than what I had been keeping up prior to my busy schedule.

姫宮光る


	9. Confession

Chapter 9

Confession

I was as happy as ever to see my dorm room again. It was a great feeling being 'home' again at my home away from home. It felt so refreshing being in my room with a nice heating system now that it was winter, Thanksgiving break would be upon us within a few days, and a laptop but most of all I was happy about being near Alice … alone again. I didn't want to be alone with her in the sense that I wanted ravage her no … it was more a need to tell her what I knew I had been feeling for a long while. The feelings I had been having since we first met.

I was glad to have some kind of support even if it was from another bed. I wasn't sure how I wanted to say what I wanted to though … it wasn't an easy thing to do … confessing. It takes a lot of courage that I most definitely do not have.

"So you have to take it easy today okay Bella? I know that you don't want to laze around all day in bed and that you really didn't want to have Angela and me hovering on either side of you while you walked but still … you have to do what you have to do. Think of it this way you have the rest of today and tomorrow to relax and Thanksgiving break is coming up soon! We have a three day weekend and you can relax and unwind today and tomorrow."

I had to give it to Alice for at least attempting to make me feel better even if I really did feel like shit. Then again Alice's presence alone made me feel infinitely better.

"Yeah I know … I just um … well I erm … c-could w-we go … um you know, eat something?" I felt embarrassed that I couldn't say what was on my mind at all. Even Alice seemed to get the sense that I wanted to say something else.

She shot me a worried look before nodding slowly and asking me hesitantly, "is that all you want to ask me?"

I thought about it for a moment and felt myself sink into guilt ridden feelings. I shook my head slowly and found her eyes on me. I couldn't figure out how to go about this so I chose to stick with what I originally said.

"Well I am a bit … you know hungry but uh … it's not the only thing on my mind. I um … I would rather get something to eat first before I tell you the other thing I want to say. I mean that is if you don't mind? I'm sure I can walk on my own without any trouble." Alice gave me a look that clearly said she wasn't happy with my persistence in being independent but also that she couldn't exactly argue with it either.

"All right but you know my dad's a doctor and you know what they say about doctor's orders! You have to listen to them even if you don't like them because they're there to help you get better." Alice was serious despite the fact that she was joking around with me.

I nodded in acceptance and stood slowly to save myself from the pain of ripping my stitches out by accident. I had to admit that it was very difficult to get around while my right side was stitched up and my stomach bandaged for good measure. "I promise not to strain myself too much and if I know or have the feeling that I am I will tell you Alice. I … I know it's for my best even if I dislike it." Alice seemed satisfied by my answer and we left our room, card keys and ID's hanging around our necks, and Alice held my hand gently in hers.

I was shocked by her actions but I left it alone feeling the warmth her touch caused me and the butterflies that flew around my stomach in droves. My heartbeat sped up just a bit more as she walked with me hand in hand. Before I could think much about it we had reached the cafeteria, in record time in my opinion, and Alice asked me what I wanted to eat. I was hardly paying attention until she tugged on my hand insistently.

"Bella? Are you okay? Why are you so spaced out?" She finally got my attention and I shook my head to clear my thoughts before I looked at her again. "Are you okay?" She asked me again. I nodded before giving her an apologetic smile.

"Yeah sorry I was just spaced out. Anyways what do you feel like eating? You're a vegetarian so you would probably eat some salad, fruit, pasta, or something like that right?" I, myself, felt hungry for some fruits.

Alice nodded to me slowly and we made our way to the fruit bar, similar to a salad bar but with fruits instead. We both got platefuls of our favorite fruits and grabbed forks before getting our meal cards out and letting the cafeteria worker punch our cards respectively.

I felt drained for some reason … perhaps more like I was tired of every little thing going wrong these past two months. I wanted some peace, any bit of peace from these painful encounters. It seemed like it was one thing after another and it was becoming too tiresome, just so cumbersome and irritating that I never got a break from all of the drama.

Before I knew it I had nothing left on my plate and Alice was just finishing up as well. I looked down at my plate in surprise and saw that it was indeed as empty as it sounded when my fork fell against the plate and grasped nothing but air and plate.

"Hey Bella are you really okay? You've never been this spaced out before. You're worrying me Bella." Alice truly sounded concerned and I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me.

"I … I have been thinking about something and well … I promised to tell you and I will. I … after we get back to our room, I um … I'll tell you about what I've been thinking about. The um … the thing I've been thinking about … it's hard to talk about … probably even harder than talking about my mom Alice." Alice looked worried but I shook my head at her and smiled. "Just because it's something that is harder to talk about … it doesn't mean that it per se is a cause for concern. Don't worry about it too much Alice. You'll know soon enough." The worried look on her face decreased but it was still ever present in her eyes and I knew that I would have to clear things up soon.

It had been at least five minutes since we got back to the dorms but … I didn't know how to start what I wanted to say at all … I wasn't sure _how_ to start this conversation. I mean what was I supposed to start with? 'Hey Alice remember that time I told you, you looked hot?' No way was I saying that … or even mentioning it again. Alice sat on my bed with me, facing me, and that alone just made this so much harder for me to even start.

"So … what is it you wanted to talk about Bella? I mean you did say once we got back you would talk to me but … you're kind of being quiet … and not talking." Alice was trying to be patient, and she was a very patient person, but that didn't mean she was going to sit here and wait for an hour. Her talking at all was the push I needed to start off with the words I wanted to say to her.

"Uh well I … uh …" I cleared my throat and took a deep breath and started again. "Okay well what I uh, what I wanted to talk to you about is something that I have been having problems accepting for the longest time … well for the past few months really. I well … I remember how we first met and well I was kind of shocked by a few things then." I paused … unsure how to proceed from there.

Alice took my hand in hers and squeezed comfortingly, encouragingly. "You know you can tell me anything Bella, _anything_ at all." Alice's voice was so tender and I couldn't help the words that I blurted out right then.

"IlikeyouAlice!" I realized then that the confusion on her face and evident in her eyes was due to the fact that I had said it too quickly for her to process. "Er um … I uh … like you a-a lot A-Alice. You're a great friend and I … I've never felt this way about anyone before."

Alice sat silently next to me as if she was repeating the words slowly, turning them over in her head and processing them. "You … wait I'm not sure if I misheard you or not … did you just say that you like me?" And here was the moment of truth, my moment to confess. I nodded slowly and felt my heart pound wildly in my chest, like never before, my stomach was in knots with butterflies just bouncing everywhere. I felt like I couldn't breathe as I waited for her response to my confession with trepidation and anticipation.

"I … yes I like you Alice … a lot." I repeated the words in a slightly different order and waited for her to either politely decline or ask for me to just … give her some time to process this.

"Y-you like me Bella? Really? This isn't some kind of joke? I mean I know you aren't the kind of person to joke about this kind of thi—" I cut off her rambling with the cheesiest of clichés and it worked heavenly for me. I pressed my lips to hers softly, allowing her the opportunity to push me away if she didn't want me. Instead to my pleasant surprise … she responded in kind after a few moments of her sitting still probably due to her shock.

I pulled back with a wide smile on my face. And Alice smiled back just as a brightly. "I've liked you since the first time I saw you and because of how kind you were to me. I fell in love with your personality from day one and since then I couldn't stop thinking about you no matter where I was. I didn't realize how I felt until … well until the night that whack job beat me up. It was when you had fallen asleep in my bed … I leaned down and kissed you on the forehead before I left and then everything just went downhill from there. So um er … you uh … do you like me too?"

Instead of answering with words she leaned in and gave me a real kiss, not just the light press I had done earlier. She pressed her lips firmly against mine and pulled away with a smack and I felt like headed and deliriously happy. I'm sure we were both wearing matching grins.

"I've liked you since well the beginning as well but … I first realized it when you were with Angela … watching your interaction made me … jealous. I knew you were just best friends but still I … couldn't help feeling jealous because of how close you two were. Sometimes I wanted to just tell you how I felt but then I thought about how the timing was bad since I had to take care of you foremost before my feelings. I wouldn't, couldn't risk you finding out about my feelings while you still needed care."

I was beyond touched by how sweet Alice was and I leaned in for another peck and smiled at what I was about to say next. "I think I know what you mean … if you had confessed while I was still healing I would have been too tempted to kiss you and that would probably lead to a lot of bloody bandages and a lot of explaining on our part. I would not have been able to control myself around you … I would not have been able to keep my lips from yours because they are sweet and addicting."

I had no idea I had this smooth side to myself … I honestly had never said something so embarrassing with such a straight face. I normally would have been so embarrassed by what I was saying that I would have turned red by now.

"Wow I had no idea there was such a suave side to you Bella! Oh how you steal my heart with your flowery words and your lips." To make her point Alice moved in again but there was nothing sweet about this kiss there was no gentleness, only hunger, desire and I loved every second of the dominating kiss she left on my lips. I pulled her into my lap and secured an arm around her waist and the other tangled in her short hair.

She opened her mouth and I felt her tongue dart and lick my bottom lip and I felt fire burn through my body with the extended contact with Alice. A moan ripped free from my throat and vibrated right into her lips. This was the most sensual kiss I had ever experienced in my life. My fingers curled into her hair with every swipe of her tongue against my lips.

She was asking for entrance and I granted it almost immediately and I was glad for it because her tongue tasted even sweeter, if possible, than her lips. I had found an addiction and it was in the form of Alice and her amazing tongue. Alice's hands were wrapped around my neck, pulling me even closer if possible.

When the need for air finally became too much we pulled apart for air and panted into each other's mouths for but a moment before we reconnected our lips and continued our make out session. I was so wet, so turned on and we were still only kissing, with a lot of tongue but still only kissing. And oh fuck that tongue of hers rubbing against mine was so erotic.

"Fuck!" I let out in a muffled hiss as she sucked my tongue into her mouth and continued to suck on said appendage. I had to say Alice was an _amazing_ kisser and boy did she have a talented tongue! I couldn't help but moan at the incredible feeling of her tongue probing mine and her lips sucking on my tongue, keeping it in her mouth.

"Do you … feel … really … by our need … to breath too?" She asked me in between pants and kisses. I could only groan in response to her and I could feel her smirk against my mouth as she continued to give me amazing kisses.

That's when Angela decided to knock on the door and demand entrance into our room … which really was interrupting the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. Angela just had to come barging on my happy parade and pulled back with a pout through my panting. Alice looked reluctant to leave my lips and lap but she stood anyways and tried to fix her hair to make it look like my fingers weren't just tangled in them moments before. I was already missing those breathtaking, heated kisses.

She sighed as she looked over at the door before yelling out loud enough for Angela to hear, "just a minute!" She looked back at me with a soft, tender smile and brought her hand up to stroke my cheek gently, lovingly and I melted at her smile and actions, I swooned where I sat. By the look on Alice's face she was happy to see my reaction to her, ecstatic that we had finally confessed our feelings to each other. It truly did feel like a heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders and I couldn't be any happier with the results of finally telling Alice how I had been feeling ever since we first met.

"Geez what took you so long?" Angela let out in exasperation. I was glad that I was facing away from Angela because otherwise Angela would have seen the look on my face and instantly known what had transpired between me and Alice … in part at least. I would have given us away with my goofy smile. "Are you guys ready to eat? It's been about an hour since we came back so you guys should be ready to eat right?"

I felt bad that I hadn't thought of waiting for Angela or even asking her beforehand because of what I had been thinking of doing. I mentally slapped myself for being so inconsiderate toward Angela because of my self-absorbed thoughts about Alice. "I'm so sorry Angela … I kind of already ate with Alice earlier because I was hungry and well I … I didn't think to invite you … I'm really sorry Angela!"

I had turned to face her in the middle of my speech, my face apologetic and truly I was. I hadn't thought of Angela and while I was a tiny bit hungry it did not excuse me to forget about asking Angela to come eat with me as well. She had stayed at the hospital with me and then I forgot about her. I am a horrible friend in short, at least I felt like I was.

"Bella … it's okay, you don't have to freak out over it. I mean I'm sure you just had a lot on your mind and you didn't think to invite me. It's okay, really." Angela looked at me with understanding and I felt just a little bit better to have her as my best friend.

"Thanks for understanding Angela. I mean if you're hungry I can go and sit with you, hang out while you eat so you don't have to be alone." I really wanted to make it up to Angela for being inconsiderate earlier however unintentional.

"If you're up for and if Dr. _Cullen_ here is okay with you moving around again then we can by all means go and allow me to eat and hang out." Angela said with a serious joke that was just so Angela.

"I'm not _that_ bad … I mean my father's a doctor so these kinds of things are only natural for me to know about. I might be a bit strict but that does not mean that I am restricting. Well anyways we should go feed the hungry child now Bella." I had to fight the grin struggling to break free from my mouth because of how tenderly Alice said my name. At least in Angela's eyes it could be taken as me just smiling and laughing because Alice just made a jab at her.

Angela just rolled her eyes and pulled me up to stand on my feet before proceeding to drag both me and Alice by hand, Alice barely had time to close our door.

The moment I sat down next to Alice I held her hand discreetly under the table and looked at her lovingly. She smiled at me widely and her cheeks tinged pink at the affectionate gesture. I smiled back warmly at her and I could tell from the look on her face that she wanted to kiss me and was barely holding back the urge. I wanted to kiss her because it was so adorable and sexy when she bit her bottom lip like she was right now.

"So uh … Alice I … is it … I mean would it be okay for me to tell Angela? I mean she's my best friend and I never keep secrets from her. I was actually going to ask Angela's opinion on this on Saturday when we were getting something to eat before that … unfortunate event took place." I knew I was rambling and Alice seemed to love it when I rambled based on the look on her face, absolutely adoring and sorely tempted to kiss me.

"No, I don't mind Bella. I think I would be more at ease because well … we would have one more person we can be ourselves around. I mean I'm not sure if you want to just come out to anyone here seeing as I never really considered myself bisexual even until you and you are probably in the same boat right?" I nodded my head in agreement. "And also for most of this semester you've been out because of your injuries and you're going to be out for another few days as well."

"Yeah I barely know anyone on this campus other than you, Angela, and Brunette Barbie … er … what's her name again?" Alice shook her head to indicate she couldn't remember either. "Well anyways you get what I mean. I'm not sure how everyone here views someone who is … erm well attracted to the same gender so yeah. I think I'll have to do some research once I actually start going to classes again … I don't even remember what my schedule is like because I've been bed ridden or otherwise occupied." I let out a sigh.

"Hey cheer up Bella! You still have time to figure these things out. Don't worry about it too much and well it's not really your fault you weren't able to get to know your classmates. Well Angela's coming back this way so now here's your chance if you want to tell her!" Alice looked at me happily and I smiled back.

As Angela sat down across from me I squeezed Alice's hand before bringing it up over the table to show Angela our intertwined hands. I only let it show briefly before dropping it down slowly in my lap so as not to attract attention.

Angela sat quietly for a moment before she whispered in a scandalized voice, "you finally confessed and you're together?" At my nod she looked at me excitedly, happy for us. "I'm so happy for you guys! I just know you guys will be the cutest couple ever!"

All I could manage to do was smile at Angela across from me and then looking at Alice with adoring eyes as she looked at me with the same expression. I wanted to lean in and kiss her right then but I had to refrain and I could see Alice was struggling with the same desire.

"Oh my gosh! You guys are so _cute!_ I want to blush just seeing how adorable you two are! I can't believe you took this long to actually get together! I could see how you two looked at each other _months_ ago! Seriously you were attracted to each other the moment you met and now, three months later, you're finally together and you are the most adorable couple ever!" Angela gushed.

I blushed but I still had not looked away from Alice. Alice looked much the same way and couldn't look away from me either. We were in our own little world. We could hardly bare to look away from each other.

"Well now I feel like a third wheel. I'm going to finish eating now so you two can revel in making googly eyes at each other. You two are so lovey-dovey for being new to this relationship! Then again you have been crushing on each other for months. You seriously aren't paying any attention to me so I'll just shut up now." Angela was rambling and seriously went back to eating but she continued to watch us while she ate with a smile on her face.

Alice and I were speaking with our eyes and smiles. Her eyes would dart down to my lips every so often with a longing and then they would dart up to mine and I did the same thing. The desire in her eyes turned me on, burned a fire in my center and I just wanted to devour her lips. Though I was a virgin I kind of figured I knew what I would have to do when the time came … I had been doing a lot of reading on the internet from having nothing better to do … I was reading fan fiction and it just made things that much more clear. Oh god the things that was written on that site and how I wanted to do those things to Alice.

Whenever I was reading particularly erotic writing I was so turned on I wanted to touch myself like I read a girl was touching her girlfriend. There were also the times I'd looked up Yuri Manga and Anime, my friend Thao Mi had been a fan of Japanese Manga and Anime. Of course I only started reading and watching such things after I'd figured out that I was truly and genuinely in love with Alice and not fascinated. I wanted to do that to Alice now … I wanted to ravage her body, make love to her. Alice was so beautiful to me and I could hardly ever take my eyes off of her. I wanted to be alone with her right at this moment so I could kiss her.

"Whoa you guys are eye fucking each other right now … I mean seriously Bella you are undressing Alice with your eyes and fucking her with your eyes. Alice you too, you look like you are doing the exact same thing to Bella! I mean you guys are seriously steaming things up without even moving, without even uttering a word to each other." Angela made me break away from our heated staring contest. The lust filled cloud I was in became embarrassment with everything Angela said. Alice was much the same way.

"Angela … please leave us be to continue our staring." Alice's gaze never left mine and she was still giving me a heated look and I could only smile at her in response. That was what it took to break her lustful gaze. She smiled back at me warmly, adoringly.

"Okay now you guys are back to being almost sickeningly sweet. I mean seriously I think I'm getting a cavity just from watching you smile so sweetly at each other. You guys are way too adorable for the public eye!" Angela made me blush again and Alice's adoring smile just seemed to become even more adoring, if possible.

"Are you done eating yet Angela?" I knew Angela could tell that I just wanted some alone time with Alice to do some heavy kissing and maybe a few unmentionable things to her.

I waited for a response and one didn't come I looked at Angela to see that she was smiling at me wickedly and that her plate was not quite empty yet. "I'm almost done Miss Impatient!" She slowly picked up her fork and brought her food up to her mouth in an oh so leisurely manner I wanted to smack her. "I can see the wheels turning in your head and you know, Bella, that, yes, I am purposefully drawing out my meal because I was ignored." I felt a pang of guilt rush through me and Angela's smirk widened in mirth.

My guilt died right there. "Angela I think I will just leave now with Alice if you're going to be … _difficult_." I knew I struck a nerve in Angela. She hated being called 'difficult' because she believed herself to be 'determined' instead. She was determined all right … to make my life harder and more _difficult_ than necessary.

Angela looked at me with annoyance but she also understood that she was acting in a way I deemed difficult so she kept her mouth closed and ate at her normal pace. I smiled in appreciation in response to her understanding and compliance.

"I don't know what just happened but I think I'll just go with the flow and enjoy the benefits of telling Angela and her understanding of us." Alice was positively beaming and I felt myself fall just the tiniest bit more in love with her though I wasn't sure how that was possible. I had been absolutely smitten since day one with her. I could feel that I would be in love with Alice for a very long time, maybe for the rest of my life.

The moment our door was closed I had Alice pinned against it as I looked her up and down with a hunger, a lust I had never felt before in my life. I was looming over Alice with my impossibly tall frame. I leaned down so that we were face to face and so I could look into her eyes. Alice couldn't take the distance anymore and she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine roughly in hunger, heatedly with desire.

I couldn't help the moan that left me, "mmmm." Alice was such an excellent kisser that I could only follow her lead and when her tongue came out of her mouth to lick my lips I opened them easily for her to enter. I moaned again in response to her sweet tongue. I felt myself melting with every swipe of her tongue against mine in a fierce fight for dominance. I gave up and let her dominate me before mischievously sucking on her tongue and causing Alice to lose all strength in her legs, her knees gave way and I smirked.

I held her up with my knee and she groaned further. Did I mention that Alice is wearing a short skirt? I have to say that I am never usually one worried about appearances but Alice's short skirt was a huge turn on and the fact that I could feel her panties? Absolutely amazing! Also I can feel how wet she is, how absolutely turned on Alice is by me.

I couldn't think straight anymore when Alice's hands continued to lower from their place on my neck. Her path continued to slide further south down my back to the area just bordering my butt and lower back. My breath hitched when Alice pulled away from my lips to breathe and then kissed around my jaw, leaving butterfly kisses until she reached my neck. I lost all coherent thought as she kissed the juncture around my neck and shoulder.

I groaned loudly as she discovered my weak spot and continued to kiss, bite, lick, and smirk into my neck. "Ooooooh fuck … Alice." She continued her attention but after every few bites and licks she would pant her hot breath against my skin and I shivered in desire in response. I was so lost in everything that when I felt my knees buckle and felt myself land on a soft surface, I was surprised.

My eyes shot open to see that I was sitting on my bed and Alice followed not a moment after, straddling my waist. I moaned at the feel of her barely clothed hot center rubbing against my stomach deliciously, I had never been so turned on before. She lifted her hips up and grinded herself against me again and I moaned out even more loudly, more desire shooting through my boiling blood. My veins were pumping madly with the blood pounding through my body so quickly and all I could feel was its final destination, right to my throbbing in my center.

I could get used to the feeling of Alice grinding her hot center against me, the pleasure was insurmountable to any I'd ever felt before, not that I had much to compare it to. It was all too much for my inexperienced body, hearing her hot breath panting heavily against my ear, seeing her beautiful small form thrust desperately against me, feeling her hot slick panties rub against me so deliciously, tasting her sweet tongue, and inhaling her ever present scent. It became too much and I felt myself cum from the sensory overload. I had never been one to masturbate or ever even seen myself as someone overly sexual in the first place but this definitely made me feel extremely … satisfied and my libido was definitely awakened from this single sensual experience.

From what I could tell Alice came just moments after me and she held me even tighter around the neck as she continued to orgasm. "That … was … _amazing_. We should … do that … again sometime Bella." Alice said this sentence so sensually, so sexually with her breathy voice and then … oh god the way she said my name had me worked up. I nodded my head in agreement enthusiastically and it caused a giggle to escape Alice though she was far too breathless for it. The way she said my name was dripping with sexual energy and I felt myself grow wet again. In all of my reading never had I encountered someone who actually came without ever being _touched_ in the … er special place. I was still in a daze, painfully aware of the second wave of ache and desire in between my legs that Alice had caused me so deliciously, so wonderfully.

Alice was still holding me tightly but I realized that she had at some point wrapped her legs around my waist, probably to get better leverage and control her thrusts better. That thought made me throb even more so and how I wanted Alice to touch me … or at the very least make me come again just to rid me of that ache still throbbing between my legs. It was definitely a sexy thought, having Alice wrapped around my body so tightly.

"Alice, h-have you … er … uh … h-have y-you … um ever d-done this before?" I was a bit hesitant to ask but I had to know because it seemed like she had done this before with a girl … I couldn't tell though. I understood that even if she had it wasn't like she had known me yet nor would it even be anything close to infidelity. 

To my relief and amazement Alice shook her head. I then wondered how she knew what to do then but before I could even ask she opened her mouth with an explanation. Oh Alice how you steal my heart with every breath you take. "Well er … you see the thing is I have never done this before but er … well I kind of … um … I've sort of … well I've researched things like this. Most of what I did though was instinctual!" Alice all but shouted. She was beet red and squirming in my lap with embarrassment and I could not help but find all absolutely adorable and endearing to see her flustered. I leaned forward and gave her a loving peck on the lips.

"You are absolutely adorable Alice!" I let out a sigh of contentment and wrapped my arms around her waist. "I am absolutely enchanted by you Alice. I am so completely smitten to be honest. Why are you so perfect?" I leaned forward and put my forehead against hers tenderly and the adoring smile and blush I received in response made my smile widen. "I love you Alice." I whispered while I stared deeply into her eyes.

"I'm hardly perfect Bella but thank you all the same … I love you too. I love you so much and I have never felt so strongly about someone before. You are so perfect for me Bella … we were made for each other." The look of love in her eyes took my breath away unlike any kiss and that was a feat. We had to be made for each other. The way we interacted with each other was just perfect, so natural.

I knew right then and there that I would never find another love like this and I was willing to fight for our love. We spent the rest of the afternoon curled up against each other on the bed. We were just content to hold each other's hands. Alice lay on my arm, our fingers intertwined and her free hand ran up and down my skin in the way I loved.

We could scarcely detach ourselves for any reason, even food, and when night came Alice was still in my bed and I slept so peacefully. I never had such a pleasant sleep before and I would never spend another night alone in my bed if I could help it. I definitely would not let Alice slip through my fingers.

So are there any takers for reviewing? I might lose my inspiration if no one bothers to review their thoughts, whether positive or critiquing me. Until I write the next chapter, or at least post it! ^^

姫宮光るより


	10. Heaven

Chapter 10

Heaven

The last few days with Alice were heaven though we both had to adjust to going to classes again after Monday. The pain I experienced after our first physical step was more than worth it. I almost forgot that I had any pain from the stitches until I woke up in pain. Feeling so much pleasure glossed over the pain that I should have felt and it was so worth it. Everything became a blissful blur until we were back in each other's arms. It was a joy to discover that we actually had two of our core classes together; English Comp and Algebra, College Algebra really. My classes were going well and I even made a few friends in those classes as well. I was so incredibly happy I almost couldn't believe it.

We were going back to our dorm together after class today, holding hands and all smiles, and I couldn't wait to be alone with her. I was convinced that I was in heaven … my life had never given me such happiness, such joy before. I almost couldn't believe how blissfully happy I was … I had moments of content, being okay but never quite this feeling of absolute euphoria before.

The moment we were alone in our room Alice's lips were gently pressing against mine in a sweet and loving way. Her lips were always so soft and they felt heavenly as they pressed against mine so softly, caressed me in such a tender but hungry way. I could feel her love and desire with each press growing in heated passion. Our lips had made love very often in the past few days but we never got as far as we had that day we both confessed our feelings and I was content with that. I was just a tiny bit apprehensive since tomorrow would be Friday and that meant that we would have a lot of free time to … well do a lot of kissing, possibly touch on making out, and there was chance of possibly going all the way. Though I was secure in how we felt with each other but I wasn't sure I was ready for that kind of … level of physical intimacy just yet.

All of my thoughts on the subject and all nervousness melted away as I felt her suck on my tongue so pleasantly. Alice was such an excellent kisser. Her kisses made everything else just melt away and disappear in a cloud of happiness and … pleasure, pleasure I'd never felt before. I couldn't believe how she made me lose all of my senses for anything else but for the pleasure I felt and just experiencing everything that is her.

Alice's lips left mine and I whimpered from the loss but almost immediately I started moaning again, groaning at the pleasure I felt when she moved to my neck instead. She kissed a trail from my jaw line down to my neck and I gasped at the feeling of her hot mouth leaving a hot trail all over my neck. Her lips were heavenly but then I felt her tongue as it came out to taste me and that was absolute euphoria, ecstasy. I lost all coherent thought as she continued to lap at my skin with her talented tongue. She moved to a certain spot on my neck and I lost it and a loud, low moan escaped from deep within my throat. Shivers ran up my arm and my back found the door for support.

My knees felt weak as Alice continued to ravish me so wonderfully, so expertly. I almost fell but Alice balanced my weight with her strong arms. My knees buckled from the pure level of pleasure and the fact that at some point Alice's thigh found its way between my legs and pressed into my center so pleasurably. I'd never felt so much pleasure before in my life and I felt goose bumps rising all over my skin at the skin to skin contact I found myself in. Alice's warm hands were running up and down my sides under my shirt.

I almost asked Alice to remove my shirt before I remembered myself and felt her hands move to my back to lightly run her nails over the skin there. She bit on my earlobe gently and pulled me even closer, if that was even possible, so that my center was grinding against her thigh even harder, even more tightly. My pleasure level spiked as I felt my body grind against her thigh as if it was the most natural instinct for me just to do so. I could hear my moans growing louder by the second as Alice's thigh pressed against me harder and I grinded back with just as much enthusiasm and energy. We were grinding at such a fast pace that it wasn't long before I felt myself shudder in orgasm.

That's when a loud knock on the door startled us both. Alice and I both jolted slightly but made no move to open the door because I was still glowing in post coital bliss, orgasm heaven, _ha I'm such a dork for thinking that even in my own head after just having an amazing orgasm!_

Angela's voice broke through my reverie at that moment and I just wanted to strangle her for ruining my moment of absolute heavenly orgasm. "You two better not be doing what I think you're doing! I swear if you take her v-card I will be so upset with you for being a horn dog!" If I hadn't been in such a blissful state of endorphin induced heaven I would have opened the door and slapped my hand over Angela's mouth right then. I had to give her credit for not saying what I knew she wanted to say, her mouth could be so naughty without her filter. I knew that had she been in our room privately she would have said that we better not be in the middle of sexy times and that she would have mentioned Alice's name as well as mine.

Alice was giggling against my neck, still supporting my weight. When I finally found the strength to stand I pulled Alice against me before moving her backwards to give myself room to open the door. Angela appeared to have taken a breath to speak when I opened the door, her mouth open wide to start yelling again. I smirked at her seeing her flush at having her mouth hang open like that and also for giving myself a slight advantage over her, knowing her so well and anticipating her actions like that. She closed her mouth and moved into the room with a pout and I stood there, letting the door go, with my arm still gently holding Alice around the waist.

"You guys are absolutely no fun whatsoever and … you guys suck!" I knew tripping Angela up would mean for me also tripping up her witty comebacks, a huge plus for both of us. "Now look at what you did to me Bella! You … ugh I can't even look at you right now!" Angela stood with her arms and a pout on her face as she looked down at her feet; she was trying to ham up her look of defeat! It made me feel guilt but at the same time I knew what she was trying to do so I looked at Alice to quell the feelings welling up in me. Alice smiled at me as she shook her head in a good natured way, squeezing me into her tightly. She had her arms wrapped around me and seeing her smile definitely worked because now I couldn't help the happiness that exploded from within me.

"Angela … you have to admit that you were just asking for it. You were the one yelling for all ears to hear about well … about us so you can't begrudge us for trying to get back at you a little bit but cutting off her endless supply of naughty wit. You need to be fair Angela." Though Alice was trying to be reasonable Angela was having none of it as her pout stayed in place and it seemed to become even more of a puppy dog pout!

"You guys aren't being fair! I mean you were making so much noise that I could hear you when I was just passing by your door! Seriously I could hear you from down the hall where the stairwell is! You're just lucky that most everyone is either in their class or eating right now but for a few stragglers like me! You were moaning up a storm and I kept hearing a thumping noise against the door too so anyone with half a brain could figure out you were doing the dirty together! Well … maybe not you two specifically but they would have figured out one of the two of you was having sex." Angela, for her part was being reasonable and did seem genuinely concerned for us. "I … you weren't having sex were you? Is Bella's v-card still intact Alice? If it isn't I'm not sure if I would be surprised or not because you two have been well … all over each other since you met. Then again I have always taken the both of you as prudes. So boring." I felt insulted by that comment even if it was somewhat true in my case.

My blushing apparently gave the answer away to Angela because she started cracking up about my 'chastity belt', as she likes to call it. She laughed so hard I felt slightly insulted again. "Shut up Angela! Just because you're not the most innocent person doesn't mean I want to be a horny teenager like you! I'm not a stereotypical teenager and neither is Alice! I mean … just b-because you enjoy f-f-fornicating doesn't mean I'm the same way!" Angela had the dignity to blush lightly at the implication … well more like me saying it plainly to her.

"I don't like hearing that insinuation at all Bella … it's like you're … calling me a … a _floozy!_" Angela called out in a dramatic voice causing me to topple over with giggles and I buried my face into Alice's neck, her arms only tightened around me more. I felt Alice shake with silent laughs as she tried to hold back so as to not also topple over with some of my weight on her tiny body. I tried to reign myself in but the more I tried the harder I laughed and so I did the only thing that I could think of to calm myself; I kissed Alice's neck softly.

Alice stiffened against me before becoming undone with a second kiss. "Bella … what are you doing?" Alice whispered this though to insure Angela would not overhear her whisper of arousal and disbelief. I only smirked a bit knowing that I had that kind of effect on Alice and she shivered when I pressed a firmer open mouthed kiss on the same spot I had kissed earlier. I almost laughed but then I remembered Angela was still in the room so I just looked up to see Angela's suspicious eyes.

"Oh Angela!" I called out. She looked back at me with suspicion swimming in her blue orbs and I almost cracked up again but I held my composure. "Come here Angela!" She looked hesitant and stayed where she was with a look that clearly said 'no way, you're being too weird.' "Alice, act like you're just seconds away from coming so we can scare Angela away." I whispered softly into her ear. She shivered again but I could tell she was smiling in amusement, agreeing with my idea. "Would you like some assistance Alice? I can kiss you, I want to kiss you, taste every inch of your delicious skin. I want to kiss your lips and taste the sweet nectar that just smells like heaven." I sniffed her just loudly enough for only her ears to hear for effect, to further my point.

Goosebumps and shivers exploded all over my body at the small moan that escaped Alice's throat so sensually. I shuddered at hearing that sexy sound leave my sexy little pixy's mouth and knowing that I caused it without even doing anything other than sniffing her neck. I slowly pushed my tongue passed my lips to wet my lips but I was so close to Alice that my tongue came into contact with her skin slightly and the touch, the taste of her skin was pure bliss. I was on cloud nine as I continued to lick Alice's delicious skin, her sweet scent and flavor melting on my tongue. I started giving her open mouthed kisses and was almost startled to hear an exasperated huff before hearing some footsteps approach me and an irritated voice mumble something I couldn't comprehend.

"Hmm?" I hummed out, not pausing in my ministrations at all, Alice's moans of approval made it hard for me to concentrate on anything other than continuing for her pleasure.

"Oh for the love of God Bella I'm leaving now since I can obviously tell you are more preoccupied with getting busy with your girlfriend. I swear you were trying to convince me that you aren't a stereotypical teenager just ten minutes ago!" If I didn't know Angela better I would have been worried that Angela was actually upset but I could hear the amusement in her voice no matter how subtle it was. I only hummed in acknowledgement, not pausing in devouring the delectable skin for even a moment, unable to even if I wanted to right now. I was drowning in desire for Alice, raw passion for her burst through me.

Angela left without another word but she did give me a look, a suggestive eyebrow waggle that had me smirking into Alice's skin. I made a wet path with open mouthed kisses to her earlobe again. I found that nibbling on it got me an extremely sensual groan in response. I felt myself grow wetter at the sound of her voice groaning in my ear.

A whispered plea, a moan of approval, fisted hands; they all made me feel so alive with lust and desire. I allowed my hands to roam her body gently until they reached her ass, I stopped there. I allowed my hands to rest on her exquisite bottom for a few moments until a vocal protest from her prompted me to squeeze it tightly.

I felt so hot all over just hearing her voice moan and gasp under my ministration. We had yet to fully delve into the physical side of our relationship but I could tell we weren't far off from that last step. I could feel the heat and intensity increase with every second we were pressed so tightly against each other. I knew that there was no more holding back, no more hesitating about this because we were in this too deep to stop now.

"Oh … Bella … please … I need you …" her voice was soft but filled with need, a burning desire for my touch. I could just taste her need on her skin.

"Alice … are you sure?" Even though I really, _really_ wanted this I had to be sure, I needed to be sure, that Alice would have no regrets over this, that she would not regret it being a rash decision on our part, drunk on each other as we are now. I could feel her hands grabbing at mine to skim under her shirt. She pulled it up so that her shirt was level with her collarbone.

"_Yes!_" And that was all the confirmation I needed to lift the rest off on my own and my heart thudded with urgency at seeing her deliciously pale skin. Each section of skin revealed made my mouth water with desire. I felt my center throb at seeing her beautiful flawless form, her toned and trim stomach, her toned arms, and the veins popping out in her neck … they all had my center throbbing wildly and my chest beating erratically.

"_Oh_ the things you do to me … _Alice_. I want you _**so**_ badly right now. I want to make love to you … I want to hear you scream my name in ecstasy as I pleasure you." I could feel her shudder and tremble with want with each word I whispered hotly into her ear, her hands tightly grasping against my shoulders. She raked her nails down my back and I could feel a slight sting as she pulled against my shirt. She splayed her hands on my back and pushed the cloth of my shirt up until it was thrown off nowhere I cared to look.

I could feel it in the way we were reacting to each other … I knew that we were going to take that final step to heaven. The way Alice moaned so sensually made me tremble with heated desire and my core throbbed in response.

I was unbelievably turned on by everything that was happening right now. I slowly dragged my hands down her soft skin until I reached the rough denim of her jeans. I tugged at the button until it finally came loose and unzipped her jeans with urgency, with desire and barely controlled need. Alice kicked them away when I managed to tug them down to her ankles. We were both breathing heavily, panting with sexual energy.

I pulled back momentarily to look at the newly revealed skin … my breath caught in my throat at the beautiful pale skin bare for my eyes alone. My throat felt so dry and tight with the desire and wet heat pulling in my center, throbbing almost painfully at the sight before me. Alice was an angelic vision; her legs appeared far too long for someone so short. Her thighs and calves were toned from years of jogging and probably track. They looked like they could grasp tightly around my middle and that caused another painful, clenching throb in my hot, wet center.

Desire rolled off of me in waves at seeing her athletic and slim body. Her piercing eyes bore a look of desire and a smirk appeared in her eyes at seeing my appraisal of her nearly bare body. I was sure that my face was flushed with blatant desire at seeing how smugly Alice was looking back at me.

"I think someone is wearing too many clothes … I'll have to change that now." Without pausing for a beat she lunged at me and pushed me back to the bed, all the while stripping me of my jeans and bra and panties even before we even hit the bed. I could tell we were on her bed for a change because her sheets felt different from my own. She straddled me on the bed, on her bed, and stared right into my eyes; want the most definable emotion pouring from her eyes.

"I think someone else is wearing too much as well … I have to change that as well." I said back seeing as I was now completely naked and she still had her bra and panties, a matching red that had me even more impossibly turned on.

Alice didn't seem to hear me at all. She had a dazed look in her eyes as she looked me up and down repeatedly, slowly. Her glazed and heated eyes seemed indecisive because they went from my breasts to my center multiple times before trailing down to my legs and then back up. I had to smirk despite how absolutely wet and turned on I was. Her admiring gaze left me wetter than I thought possible.

I reached behind her for her bra and nimbly unhooked it with deft fingers expertly. She didn't seem to notice until I tugged them down to her wrists. Finally broken from her unabashed staring she removed her panties with a smirk on her face at hearing my accelerated harsh breath.

"No more words … let's just feel."

That broke the silence and all of the hesitation and every last bit of restraint broke with it. The desire, the need to feel each other's body was overwhelming wonderful. Her hands traveled the length of my body as she suckled on the sensitive skin of my neck, my throat.

The desire, the want reached a fever pitch as she moved lower from my throat to my collar bone to the valley nestled between my breasts. She licked and bit at the skin and left open mouthed kisses all over me causing me groan with the absolute pleasure I was experiencing, nothing could compare to this feeling she was creating so deliciously, so wonderfully.

She moved to a pert nipple in her exploration of my body and the loud moan that escaped caused a guttural, almost animalistic, growl of approval from Alice. Her hot mouth clamped onto it tight and she suckled it so lovingly that I couldn't help the words that escaped me, the moans of approval. "Oooooooh _fuck_ … oh GOD … _Aaaaalice_ … don't stop." I whispered with need with lust I had never felt before in my life. There was nothing that could compare with the feeling of Alice eating me alive, biting and sucking at my nipples and playing with the one unoccupied by her wonderful lips.

And then she moved lower, leaving a wet trail with her tongue straight down to where I needed her most; my needy center, more than ready for her attention. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, pausing. I lifted my head up to see that her eyes were staring right at my most vulnerable place with heated topaz orbs. She closed her eyes briefly and inhaled deeply and that caused me to grow wetter if that was at all possible.

My head slammed back against her pillow and my hands tried to find purchase anywhere when she took a tentative but firm lick at my wet slit. All air was robbed from me when she licked again but with certainty and then I lost my mind and all but screamed her name when she sucked my wet center roughly. She drank it all in as if she had been in a dry desert and was dying of thirst. Before I knew what I was doing my hands found their purchase in her hair and I pushed her into me, best decision of my life.

Alice's tongue burrowed deep inside me and my eyes opened, my entire mouth went dry but called out her name repeatedly despite that. She pushed her tongue in and out of me quickly sucking at the juices periodically when it seemed as if she was about to miss a drop. She moved her tongue around inside of me, exploring with curiosity and desire. And then she touched something that had me screaming a desperate cry and my eyes slammed shut at the absolute pleasure of that movement, my hips pushing up against her desperately. I continued to thrust against her mouth without restraint and Alice's arms went around each thigh to hold me in place as she continued to suck me into oblivion. Alice moved around again, seemingly searching for the place that garnered a rather large gush of excitement, want. She found it and drank in every drop that action rewarded her with.

I lost count of how many orgasms I experienced, how many times I reached heaven with her tongue being inside me and doing so many fantastic and naughty things to me. Every time I did she drank in every drop until I was dry, which was for a very, _very_ brief if Alice could help it. After a particularly magnificent orgasm she finally tried to move away from my protesting center. I heard her giggle when she managed to fish her tongue out from inside of me, I immediately felt empty and without her warm tongue inside me.

"It seems like your pearl reeeeeeaaaaally didn't want me to leave. It seems to like me so much that it clamped down tight at the knowledge that I was leaving Bella!" She giggled again and tenderly brushed my sweaty bangs to the side. "Get some rest baby. You look like you're ready to pass out." Her voice was full of love and tender concern with a slight hint of pride.

I nodded numbly much too out of it and exhausted from the mind numbing sex I just had. Muscles I didn't even know I had ached with the pleasure of what transpired in the last few amazing hours. I was pleasantly sleepy from the vigorous activity Alice and I had been engaged in for the better part of the day.

Alice lay down next to me and pulled me into her so that my head rested on her shoulder and our legs were intertwined. I was more than content to be wrapped up in her warm arms, nestled safely in the confines of Alice. Sleep came easily and pleasantly dreams of true happiness flowed through me for the first time. The pain of waking up would have to wait until later.

So thoughts anyone? Reviews? It might take a while for the next update since I have a lot going on this upcoming week but I will try my best! Also I know this is one of the shortest chapters since the beginning but I hope the yummy lemon will more than make up for it!^^

姫宮光る


	11. Paradise

Chapter 11

Paradise

The weekends were the days I dreaded most … especially now. Alice and Rose planned a shopping trip for Saturday … starting at 6 A.M. … much too bright and early for a college student like me. My day didn't even start until 10 A.M. most days because of my earliest class. I wasn't someone who exactly oppose shopping in general because it _is_ a necessity that everyone must go through in life but the way Alice's eyes seemed to just become crazed with obsession scared the shit out of me. I honestly thought of Alice as a laid back and mellow person but any mention of recreational shopping got her into a crazed tizzy that made me question what I'd gotten myself into in dating her. And then Alice would look at me with her beautiful topaz eyes and I'd forget what had me so scared in the first place.

It startled me how affected I was by her mere presence. I would get shivers when she stood near me and I felt my throat catch whenever I heard her call out my name. It made goosebumps run all over my arms, my skin prickle with a shock that only came from her tender touch. It made me my skin crawl pleasantly to feel her presence around me. She had such a calming effect on me, a profound effect.

I was still lying in bed, having just come back from my last class for today and for the week. Fridays were always a joy since Alice's last class ended only 25 minutes after mine.

I looked at my phone yet again to see what time it was. _It's … 2:59 … only another 15 minutes … I just need to … distract myself._ The minutes, seconds even, seemed to tick by so slowly. Time seemed to slow down so much whenever I had to wait for something … irritatingly so, infuriatingly so. It made me feel so … petulant, like a child.

I sighed before I got up and started pacing the room … I reached for my pocket only to realized seconds later that I had left it on my desk instead. I sighed in aggravation this time and felt irritated with myself for being so impatient. Time always seemed to play with me, speeding up when it was inconvenient and slowing down the next just to make me feel like I was going out of my mind with boredom.

I threw myself onto my bed and only regretted it slightly. My wound was mostly healed, a long jagged scar and sensitivity being the only reminders of what had transpired over three months ago. The horrid thing was persistent but at the very least my stitches had been taken out and my lovely girlfriend wasn't as … strict about allowing me some freedom to be independent … somewhat. She was still extremely over protective but she at least was being slightly more lax about watching over me and allowing me to walk on my own but that by no means meant that she wasn't as attentive. That aspect didn't fade in the least. Not that I wasn't grateful for it.

I just realized that I hadn't seen Angela as much in the last week for some reason. I had tried to find her after her classes but then I saw her talking to her professor and decided to just leave it be but then the next time I just couldn't find her anywhere and she didn't answer any of my texts. I knew that it was strange but I had no way of contacting her or even finding her because no one seemed to know where she was disappearing to. She wasn't in her room and she wasn't in her classes or the cafeteria or _anywhere_ really.

I would have been a lot more worried had it not been for the fact that I knew she was indeed still breathing because her professors would tell me that I had _just_ missed her when I came looking for her. The one time I asked when it first started happening, her professor shrugged and asked me if I knew what was wrong with her, if something was bothering her so I knew it wasn't just me. They didn't have any idea either and couldn't think of why. They all said individually that she was still doing well and excelling but she was just a little bit off, always in her own world it seemed. It worried me greatly and Alice seemed to pick up on her slightly out of character behavior.

The more I thought about it the more I started to realize what had to be going on, the simple answer that had evaded me until now. Angela had to be either dating someone right now or was in the process of wooing someone! I couldn't believe that it had evaded me as long as it had because this wasn't the first time it happened! I could just slap myself right now! I thought back to how she was seemingly absent from my radar for about two weeks before I finally managed to track her down in 10th grade and it turned out to be somewhere she wasn't usually. She was talking to someone in _their_ element. It was some guy named Riley and he was quite good looking and he had a good personality to match with it, though in most cases that wasn't true. In most cases good looking guys were asses and arrogant asses at that.

I sighed at how miserably I failed at being a best friend. The first time it happened I never did figure out why she just seemed to disappear off of my radar … so maybe that made it slightly better? I looked at my phone and nearly jumped up and clapped my hands like London Tipton from the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, which was entirely adorable when she did in my opinion as stupid as she was sometimes there was no denying she was cute. It finally seemed like time was agreeing with me when I saw the white print staring back at me announcing that it was 3:17. I would only have to wait another few minutes since Alice's class ended at 3:15 and it would only take her a few minutes to walk back to our room. I felt a smile forming on my face before it became a full out smile of victory, I triumphed over time. I felt slightly ridiculous but when someone as irresistible as Alice is my girlfriend I guess there is no helping it.

I felt myself light up even more ridiculously at hearing the door click and then hearing Alice call out sweetly, "Bella! I'm back love!" I could hear the smile in her voice and I was more than deliriously happy to hear her voice. Not only would I no longer be alone I now had the company of my girlfriend and I had also finally figured out what had happened to Angela, presuming that my guess was correct which it most undoubtedly was by now. I stood up and just as I did Alice was in my arms again.

We smiled happily at each for a few moments and the thought in the back of my head was; _Angela would probably comment how cavity sweet we are being. I miss Angela and her crazy antics._ I sighed at the thought.

"What's up Bella? Why the sigh love?" Alice asked with concern in her voice. I had to smile at that because it was absolutely adorable the way she was looking at me right now. The warm tenderness in her eyes and the slight frown marring her features brought a soft smile to my lips in turn.

"Nothing's wrong baby I was just thinking about Angela. I just figured out why we haven't seen Angela around the last week that's all … and I kind of miss her being … her." Alice smiled at me and giggled. "What? Why are you laughing?" I pouted at her and she giggled even harder at that.

When she finally calmed down enough she pulled me against her and held me against her gently and she chuckled again before she pulled back slightly to look at me. She was smiling softly and I couldn't help but smile back at her with adoration. "It's just that … well you are so cute, adorable really. You are just so adorable … I love you. You are just so unbelievably cute love." Alice was looking at me with such soft eyes, with such love in her eyes that I felt warmth envelop me. Just seeing her kind face had me feeling happier than I ever had in my life but seeing her like this … just so in love and absolutely smitten had me feeling a happiness, bliss, that only she could.

I smiled softly at her in reply. "I love you, too, Alice. I love you with all my heart, soul, and mind. I can't imagine being without you for even a second. I've been waiting for someone like you to come into my life and make me feel all right … like I'm going to be okay. I can have hope now … I can have hope that I will be okay and that someday … I might be able to forgive myself."

Alice smiled at me gently, her topaz eyes shining. She brought her hands up to my cheeks and held them with such tenderness that I couldn't help but nuzzle further into her warm hands. I closed my eyes and just allowed myself to feel. Alice's thumbs caressed my skin softly and when they drew near my lips I pressed soft, affectionate kisses to them and smiled at the feeling of every calming and loving stroke.

"I love you Bella. I can't imagine being without you either. You deserve happiness and forgiveness Bella. Believe me. I know. You need to learn how to forgive yourself and being with others, making friendships … finding love, they're all a part of finding yourself and forgiveness. It's definitely not going to be easy, something like this never is. It's not supposed to be nor is it right now … but you have me now and you've had Angela. That is two people right here to support you Bella and we're not going anywhere. We will always, _always_ be here for you Bella." Alice spoke with such conviction I felt the hope in me grow. It was like a light was finally breaking through the pervading darkness that seemed to surround me ever since the accident. She was right about it though … I've had Angela for years and now … now I have Alice as support too.

I smiled at her softly before cupping her hands with my own and leaned down until our foreheads met in a gentle kiss. The way we were looking at each other had my heart beating wildly in my chest at just seeing the look on her face, the love in her eyes. It made me feel so happy to see the feelings I had been feeling for so long reflected in her eyes.

"I can't imagine anything being better than this, a love like this … it's just so magical … everything with you is. It's a little crazy how much better I feel, how happy I am compared to how I've been for so long. It makes me feel a little … sad because I still feel unworthy of such happiness because of how I've felt for so long. Maybe one day I can look into your eyes and say with certainty that I do deserve happiness … but I can't just yet, not with Angela and not with you. I feel as if that will change someday because of you, with your help. You both mean the world to me. You make me feel so special and … important." I lost my voice from all of the emotions I was feeling.

Alice just pulled me against her and I let her hold me tightly against her. It felt so nice to be in the comfort of my love's arms. I felt at home in her arms, I felt safe and protected. Without any preamble I fell asleep.

Hell. That is the only word that can possibly describe my current torture; shopping with Alice and Rosalie.

I had been in a mall, not just any mall but THE mall in Port Angeles, located two hours away from the university. Well … I couldn't exactly say it was pure hell because that would be a bit of an exaggeration but it was still pretty bad considering Alice and Rosalie seemed hell bent on replacing my _entire_ wardrobe in one shopping trip. What made things not as bad was the Leah factor. Leah Clearwater was an interesting enigma for sure and something about her felt so familiar … the way she acted and how she presented herself so quietly and calmly but with fierceness in her all at once somehow. She reminded me of Charlie but it had to be a major coincidence.

She was a tall girl, very tall, and gorgeous. She was even taller than Rosalie and Rosalie was taller than me! Rosalie was an astounding 5' 11" and she was wearing three inch heels and Leah was still a little taller than her in flats. Leah had to be at least 6' 3" if not a little taller. I was already considered tall at 5' 9" but standing next to Leah and Rosalie made me feel so short in comparison. Leah had beautiful tan skin, naturally it seems considering there are supposedly natives in some reservation around here, medium length brown hair reaching just past her shoulders, warm brown eyes, an elegant nose, high cheek bones, and a kind, smiling, mouth. It seemed like she was always smiling at least a little bit, a tiny upturn of her lips at the corners. She was also very visibly toned. Her arms retained their muscular build even when she was relaxed. I could tell Rosalie loved that especially since she kept Leah's arm on her, whether it was around her waist or shoulders didn't matter.

"So … I'm guessing this isn't your first time going on a crazy shopping trip with Rosalie?" I asked with a rhetorical tone of voice. She only smiled at me with a chuckle and nod in response. She didn't seem like an extremely talkative person but it was never an uncomfortable silence around her despite that. There was a calming, soothing kind of atmosphere surrounding her but there was an energy like a tiger waiting to pounce when necessary as well. "You're not much of a talker are you?"

She chuckled again but answered this time. "Yes … Rosalie says that I don't say much but when I do … it is blunt and to the point … brief." And it really was as Rosalie described her … she didn't seem like the kind of person to flourish with words. "Short and simple but always accurate and frank as Rosalie says." Leah smiled and somehow … her smile looked … eerily familiar … not in a bad way … just déjà vu.

I was brought out of my reverie by warm arms wrapping around my waist and a forehead pressing against the top of my back … I really wished in that moment that I was at least two or three inches shorter. I smiled though I wished she could reach up a little higher to rest her chin on my shoulder but the lament was lost on me when I felt her arms tighten around me and I placed my hands over top of hers. I leaned back just slightly and felt her body shake slightly from her giggling.

"Bella … you're too big for that!" I could hear the mirth in her voice and it only served to make me even happier … and smile even goofier. "You're such a silly giant Bella but you're my silly goofy giant." I laughed at that and we were just being giddy and in love when a high pitched voice butt in.

"Like, oh, my gosh! I can't believe you guys are here too! We should like, go shop together!" I grit my teeth as I listened to an impossibly high pitched voice grind the last of my sanity and composure with only three sentences. Just when I had thought the torture was over her voice continued to grate on my nerves. "This is like, my, like, friend! Her name is Lauren!" I thought the worst had passed when she finished speaking … only to find out what seemed like too soon that I was more than wrong.

"Like, hi! I'm Lauren Mallory! It's like, nice to meet like, all of you! It sure is like, nice to like, meet other students!" Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard for me and it gave me a blasting, pounding headache just to hear her voice. I seriously wished I could get a muzzle for the both of them … no maybe duck tape because it would be so much cheaper and much more efficient in insuring they never get out. At least it wouldn't make it easy for them to escape the tape of justice. _Oh Lord they have me going crazy in my own head. It must be the brain damage from hearing their unnecessarily high pitched demon voices from the lowest levels of the pits of hell … okay so I might be over exaggerating again. They make me a little crazy in the head. Darn those crazy Barbie doll complex girls and their wicked high pitched voices!_ I sighed at the madness and crazed thoughts I was thinking and tried to calm myself with Alice.

"You know … we're just about done so how about some other time … Lauren was it?" Leah cut in smoothly and I could tell that both Rosalie and Alice wanted to protest but they kept quiet at the prospect of joining Barbie and her brunette equivalent of a best friend.

"Awe! That's like, too bad! Maybe like, next time we can like, go shopping together like, girl's night out!" Lauren's voice was so screechy I couldn't run away fast enough, none of us could run out fast enough to avoid the disgustingly high pitched voice.

We burst out giggling when we were finally out of sight, having started off walking before breaking into a run. We garnered strange stares but it was well worth it to escape the two most annoying women in the entire mall, in all of the university!

"We should have at least waited a few seconds to see the look their faces! They must have been so confused!" We were cracking up so badly people were staring even more in confusion at the spectacle we seemed to be making of ourselves. I nodded in agreement with Alice's burst.

We continued to laugh but we'd found a bench we all could squeeze on and tried to catch our breath. When everything seemed to calm down we looked at each other once and cracked up again. We finally got ourselves under control after another few moments of uncontrollable laughter.

"That was hilarious! We really should have waited around to see the looks on their faces! It would have made the rejection feel even better! They just don't get that we aren't interested in them because … we aren't petty, shallow, valley girls! Gosh I feel even worse for Angela because she has no choice in having to spend time with her! She moved out of the room but she still has class with her!" I whispered to them in a conspiratorial voice laughing and giggling as I did so.

"I think we should head home now since it is getting later and we don't want to get you guys back to the dorm too late … it's not safe at night." Leah spoke softly but seriously leading me to believe that Rosalie told her all about my incident. She seemed strangely protective of me in a silent but insistent way, fiercely but also calmly somehow.

Rosalie and Alice only nodded in silent agreement and so we were on our way back home and before I knew a soft, gentle touch was brushing against my cheek with slow, tender strokes. Lips met my cheek softly and I felt myself awake slowly as I heard a gentle voice call out to me softly, lovingly and tenderly the strokes continued until I felt them stop for just a moment. The next moment I felt lips press against mine so softly and gently, a press that was so tender it was so much and yet so little at the same time.

"Wake up Bella." She murmured against my lips before pulling back and smiling at my blinking, hazy eyes. "Wake up my adorable little puppy." I was still a little bleary eyed from just waking up but I understood her perfectly and I pouted at her. "Awe you are just so cute and precious!" Alice cooed softly in my ear. I whined and pushed her away from me causing her to giggle in absolute delight in response. "Come on you need to get up now so we can get into our dorm and get you in bed!" She said with a happy smile on her face, energy flowing off of her in waves.

"You are much too energetic for this time of night." I said after checking the time on my phone quickly. It was much too late for Alice to be so peppy … especially being that it was nearing midnight and I was exhausted despite the fact that I'd just woken up from a two hour nap. My voice was gravelly and I could see the effect it had on Alice. She definitely liked hearing my voice right after I woke up and that caused me to wake up exponentially … I felt alive in certain areas that only Alice caused excitement in.

"So do you need any help getting out? You look exhausted and … a bit disoriented." Rosalie said gently, cautiously. I sighed and shook my head, feeling myself cool off and somehow become lethargic in that moment as well at the thought that it was inappropriate considering we still had company. "All right, get to bed. I'm sure that it will take the edge off of having spent your day shopping with us. Do you need any help carrying your things in? You have quite a few bags." Rosalie's offer was so kind and … a bit off putting … no, not off putting so much as just a little unsettling considering her usual stand-offish personality. I was used to her being cold, despite her profession, and businesslike in all of her interactions except for around the Cullen family. She was usually a very cynical person as well as sarcastic in almost everything she said and how she acted.

I took one look at the eight shopping bags with much chagrin that were mine alone and almost balked at the sight of Alice's amount in comparison … they definitely were trying to replace all of my wardrobe with today's shopping trip. Alice had a measly two bags … if that even counted considering neither of them were even close to full. It looked like more of an effort to cover for the fact that they were trying to replace my entire closet with what they deemed 'appropriate for college'.

I nodded weakly and attempted to stand but I was so groggy I would have fallen face first into the wonderful cement if it had not been for Alice's strong arms being wrapped firmly around my waist. I smiled at her gratefully and lovingly as she helped me stand up properly. I was just about to say something when an amused voice interrupted, "you guys are so smitten it's almost sickening!" Oh Rosalie Hale … how in denial you are.

"I could say the same thing about you and Leah … it's like no one else exists when you're together Rose. I daresay the entire world just turns into nothingness whenever you're in her arms and nothing else truly exists when you're with her! It's like the world just turned into nothing and you have a bubble that encompasses you and her alone … nothing else can pop that bubble and if anyone tries … they mysteriously disappear off the face of the world." Alice added the last part with a shudder for further dramatic affect and it was well worth it to see Rose blush the bright shade of pink she was. That woke me up with laughter, bubbling, and uncontrollable laughter.

"Laugh all you want but I'm not helping anymore!" Rosalie looked just the tiniest bit miffed over what Alice said because it was so true.

Leah came to the rescue by getting out of the car and walking to stand next to Rose. She took Rose into her arms and put her chin on her shoulder. She mumbled something in her ear so softly that I couldn't catch more than her saying Rose's name softly, with a soft caress in her tone that seemed to be part of the lover's language. Rose only turned slightly pinker but she also nodded subtly and earned a soft kiss on the cheek from Leah. Rose seemed dissatisfied with that and demanded a kiss on the lips. Leah gave her a peck on the lips in response causing Rose to give her a pout in response and she grabbed Leah by the head and pushed her until their lips met in a fiery kiss.

I turned away from the scene, feeling like an intruder upon such a tender and intimate scene … well intimate period. Alice seemed to be feeling much the same way, pink in the face and also turning away. When Alice's eyes met mine her eyes were soft and she was smiling at me and she rolled her eyes at their extremely heavy lip lock. We heard a moan and simultaneously groaned and then burst out giggling.

"Do you think it would be wise to break up the make out session between those two or should we just wait it out?" Alice asked amusement apparent in her voice and mirth in her eyes at our friend's extremely intense lip lock. Alice made a gagging motion at the sound of a guttural moan coming from the pair and I nodded my head in agreement, still amused by the situation greatly despite how bold and extremely public their affections were.

I sighed and nodded. "Let's just hope they don't tear our arms off … we are interrupting an extremely heated moment and I don't think they'll take it well but I'd rather not watch them get any more intimate than they already are to be honest. I think I will be scarred for life if that happens." I said shaking my head at the images I was thinking up considering how they were breathing so heavily against each other while hands roamed freely.

Miraculously though they stopped at hearing a crowd of hormone driven boys whooping and cat calling. I silently thanked God for not making me get involved in breaking them apart but I also felt some sympathy for the glares they were receiving from a cold looking Rosalie and the fiery ire in Leah's cold stare, oxymoronic but so very accurate for sure. They had a chorus of "oohs" in response to their deadly stares and that seemed to cause their stare to become even more cold and deadly in response, scaring the hell out of me.

They broke out into a run concurrently in turn, seeing how angry and cold they both appeared. That brought a chuckle out of Alice and me both. It was a funny sight, seeing these big, built college guys running _away_ from these two gorgeous women. Honestly many guys would to go out with them! I lost count at how many guys approached us, Rosalie and Leah respectively got the most attention, and asked us what we were doing alone without some guys. Some were respectful others, however, were not so much polite as they were crass and entirely too vulgar for our tastes. The crude ones got an eyeful of deathly glaring from Leah and Rosalie, depending who was being hit on the other reacted more severely.

I remembered seeing a rather lanky but good looking fellow who was so scared he looked about five seconds from peeing in his pants after he saw the glare and silent threat in Leah's eyes. She was taller than him by a considerable amount even though he was a tall fellow. She seemed to tower over him even more so when she glared at him coldly in response to him trying to vie for Rosalie's attention and … well a date on top of that. He seemed to shrink in on his self at seeing Leah's tall and profoundly muscular build had him flat out scampering away in fear. It was an entertaining sight to say the least.

I was happy to be back in my room with Alice and the moment every bag was tucked away into some corner I couldn't possibly trip over it I was dragging Alice to the bathroom with me. We took turns brushing our teeth and changing for bed. I was so tired while I waited for Alice to finish brushing her teeth I nodded off for a moment before a felt a body press against me, spooning me. It was our ritual to have me on the inside of the bed when we slept together at night. Alice, always the worrier, didn't want to take any chances for me fall off of the bed during the night, it wasn't nearly as much of a concern before my injuries and it was much worse after we started dating.

I didn't mind her overprotective nature … I actually quite liked it because it just showed how much she cared and who could be mad over something like that? Sometimes it was just a little frustrating but for the most part I adored it about her. I don't think we'd ever agree on the shopping front though … that was definitely something that we would never understand about each other. My fashion sense was apparently 'too bland' for her tastes. I saw nothing wrong with the jeans, t-shirts, and converse sneaks but Alice did. She always wore nice clothes; denim shorts, fancy sweaters, v-necks, neck turtles, etc. Her sleeping attire however had me nearly fainting most of the time … as was obvious from my reaction all those months ago.

I was exhausted by the time everything was over and done with but for somehow reason I couldn't get back into my comfortable state of sleepy tiredness at all. I lay awake for a few more hours, unable to sleep. I was comfortable in her arms and yet … I couldn't help but feel as if I was missing something about what had occurred earlier … that feeling of déjà vu with Leah. It never disappeared but I also couldn't grasp why it was still with me. It was strange … many aspects of her personality seemed familiar but also very … eerie somehow in its familiarity. It had me questioning whether or not we'd met somewhere before.

I looked over to the desk where I kept my digital clock and saw that it was already well past 2:30 AM and I knew I had to get some rest. I sighed and snuggled further into Alice's front and I put my hands overtop hers, finding comfort and warmth in her arms. Even though I knew sleep was not yielding just yet I found that it didn't matter as long as I was with Alice, as long as I felt safe and protected in her strong arms.

Alice shifted beside me and moved around a little, I was unsure whether or not she was awake until I heard her voice. "Bella … why are you still awake?" Her voice was soft and so drowsiness I giggled, so extremely smitten because of how endearing her tone of voice was to me. I snuggled further into her arms in response and she let out a content sigh and placed a soft kiss on my neck. "Go to sleep baby. We need to be up by 11:30 for brunch in the Wisteria Wing." Her voice was barely a whisper and had it not been for our close proximity I might never have heard her.

I turned so that we were facing each other and I saw her right eye open a tiny crack and I smiled in absolute adoration at the impossibly adorable sight. I moved my head until our faces were only centimeters apart much to Alice's delight. "I know I'm sorry … I just couldn't fall asleep … I was … thinking about something that's been bothering me all day that's all. Let's go back to sleep." Alice looked much more alert and awake after that, all traces of sleepiness gone, and I felt bad for mentioning it at all knowing that Alice would be worried now. "No, no it's fine, there's nothing to worry about baby. I promise it's not anything serious. I just … I can't get rid of this feeling of familiarity … of déjà vu. It's nothing serious though so there is no need to worry about it, love." I smiled tiredly but genuinely and a yawn overtook me.

Alice giggled delightedly and brushed our noses against each other in an Eskimo kiss and I sighed at the bliss that just poured over me. We stayed like that for a few moments before Alice broke the silence, smile still on her beautiful face, "well you need to sleep now since we've had a long day. I know shopping isn't your thing and well … you honestly looked about ready to drop after the first two hours. You need your rest now and we have to be up early for brunch tomorrow morning and I don't want to miss out on the good cafeteria food because someone decided to sleep in okay?" I could tell she was joking but I pouted nevertheless over the jab.

"That was _one_ time Alice! _ONCE!_" I yelled and emphasized. That had Alice giggling over my reaction and I felt even more indignant over the jab and I turned my back to her, she was still giggling. Alice tried pulled me against her shaking frame and I resisted in mock anger and crossed my arms to further my point.

"Oh Bella … come on baby I was just kidding." Alice's words were met by my defiant silence.

"…"

"Bella?" Alice sounded a little worried this time. I decided I would pretend to 'forgive' her the next time she called out to me. "Bella?" Alice's voice was soft and full of remorse so I decided to give in to it.

"Hmph!" I responded and Alice sighed. "Whatever …" I turned back around, "let's get some sleep so I don't make us late for your precious fruits and vegetables." I said. Alice sighed again but it was in relief in contrast to how it sounded earlier. I was pleased how she seemed to understand it was just a joke when I saw the look on her face. I could tell that she knew and realized after I turned around that I was only joking based on the knowing smile on her lips.

We kissed softly before uttering a soft "good night," to each other. Our bodies were intertwined and I slept peacefully after that. I couldn't wait until Leah and I met next … I wanted to figure out those strange feelings I kept getting from her, the eerie familiar air around her. It was strange how familiar but … unfamiliar she was at the same time. She was like a stranger but an acquaintance all at once. I would have to wait until we next met to find out for sure why she was so familiar to me.

The average 6,000 in length for you guys! Sorry it took so long this time! I was sick for the better part of a week and then some! Well I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and continue to read and review! I need the inspiration to write from reviews! Also Leah is in the house and she is a GIANT!^^ Did anyone expect that? Tell me your thoughts and until the next chapter! I hope to see you then too!

姫宮光るより


	12. Calm Before The Storm

Chapter 12

Calm Before The Storm

It was Thanksgiving Day and we were all going to the Cullen's, as in Alice, Rosalie, Leah, and me. I was confused upon hearing that the Cullens actually lived very far away, like some 150 miles away due to the fact that Dr. Cullen himself was located at a hospital near our college. As it turns out Alice's father was living in a condominium near the hospital to work there for a year since he was transferred to hospitals all over the state due to his competence in his field, he was in fact known as THE best doctor in all of Washington State!

I was finally going to meet Alice's two older brothers. I was forewarned by Alice that her eldest brother, Emmett, was an extremely … liberal person with no filters when it comes to joking around. He was a guy in every sense of the word … perverted in lesbian fantasies and he often joked about Rosalie and Leah being in a … carpet munching relationship and much worse. Rosalie was extremely hotheaded but witty when it came to him and his antics and she usually got him to become speechless pouting for several moments before he turned to a different person to become a victim of his endless teasing. It was all in good nature so no one ever really got hurt over it.

I was hoping to get to know Leah better as well and figure out what it was that I felt when I was around her for that shopping trip. We met again for lunch one day a little while after the shopping trip. It was fun all in all but I still couldn't get the feeling of nostalgia and déjà vu to stop nor could I figure it out and it was driving me crazy. I needed to figure this out because it couldn't just be a coincidence that she reminded me so much of someone I knew without really giving me a sense for who it is. I had to figure it out but … I had to be patient because if I rushed into things then I would just end up drawing incorrect conclusions from being too eager to solve this mysterious enigma. Patience, after all, is a virtue as they say.

It was quite the drive to their mansion of a house. I was asleep for about half of the four hour drive and I felt so comfortable in Alice's lap (illegal but oh well she's at least seat belted in the car). Normally I wouldn't be so easy going and relaxed over having someone driving for such a long distance but I knew I could trust both Rosalie and Leah to drive … I somehow felt safe with them as well. It was only slightly unnerving that I couldn't figure out the feeling of nostalgia and familiarity … as if she and I had known each other from somewhere before … like we weren't just strangers turned acquaintances. I wished for some kind of reason to just make its self known rather than being forced to sit and ponder what it could possibly be about her that felt so familiar.

The drive was a pleasant one, quiet but for the music playing softly in the background. I won rock, paper, scissors so I was allowed to decide what music to play and I chose for relaxing music, instrumentals and the amazing acapella of TVXQ (東方神起) had me ready to fall asleep after half an hour. Alice contributed to the sleepy feelings I was having with the way she kept running her fingers through my hair and her fingers were gently running up and down my arm every few minutes. There was such a peaceful and relaxing atmosphere in the car. I was sleeping peacefully to the soothing sound of music and Alice's tender touch everywhere.

I awoke to the feeling of fingers combing through my hair gently and a soft voice humming a familiar tune. I slowly blinked until I adjusted to the early morning light. Once my eyes were open properly Alice's warm and tender face full of affection and love came into view, smiling at me gently. Her voice was soft as she spoke, "we're almost there Bella. You can sleep a little bit longer if you want." With that she placed a tender kiss on my forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, and finally my lips. Her lips lingered longest over mine but it was just a gentle press and I smiled against her lips sleepily.

I fell asleep to the music and the feel of Alice running her fingers through my hair, it was a peaceful heaven.

I awoke again to Alice gently patting my cheek. I blinked my bleary eyes up at her and she giggled and muttered about how adorable I was and I smiled in response to hearing that. "Come on … wake up baby. Wake up my goofy giant." I could clearly hear the affection and adoration in Alice's voice and I felt a giggle bubble out of my throat from hearing it. "It's time to get up now love." I nodded slowly, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and she giggled in adoration yet again. "You are too cute Bella, you really are. You're too cute for your own good!" We were both in our little world until Rosalie's eloquent "get up before I throw you both out of my car!"

Alice and I shared a look, both of us rolling our eyes at her empty threat. "Rosalie! You definitely were not meant for the medical field! You need to find a different, better suiting profession … dare I say boxing or … perhaps modeling since they are all so very mean!" Alice quipped back.

All was silent for a few moments before we heard Rosalie respond indignantly, "ha ha, very funny Alice … get your ass out of my car now or you'll be walking home!" Another empty threat from Rosalie and we shared another look before getting out of the car. The sight we were met with was well worth the yelling. Rosalie looked annoyed while Leah appeared to be trying to hold back her laughter all while standing behind Rosalie with her arms around her waist, pulling her against her front. Rosalie huffed and crossed her arms but didn't pull away despite the fact that her girlfriend was laughing at her. At least she was trying to hold back her laughter … I guess. It was all just too comical and it was only … I looked at my phone briefly, 10:20 A.M. I was a little shocked but not that we made such good time.

I just stood in awe of the sight before me, the beautiful mansion standing proudly erect before me. It was a shock to see that it was so impressively … enormous and white, impossibly white to be honest. It was a magnificent sight to behold, majestic and elegant.

The look of the mansion was that of Victorian times and it was quite the sight … it was beautiful and refined. There were trees standing around the mansion, a largely wooded area. It was quite the sight to see, the trees added an effect that just made it that much more beautiful. There was such much beauty around this isolated mansion.

I stood in awe until I was knocked out of my reverie by an unfamiliar … masculine voice.

"Hey! What's shaking little sis?" Before I knew it Alice was ripped away from me quite suddenly and swept into a bear hug from … a massive male. I was afraid he was crushing her because she was turning pink in the face. "How has my Ali-cat been? You'd better tell me if anyone's been picking on my little sis at college!" He went from sounding happy to a mock serious and he looked it too.

Alice squirmed a bit before squealing, which was completely adorable. "I … can't … answer … if I'm dead … Emmett … you big jerk!" To my utter amusement he let Alice down so suddenly she fell right into my open arms and I giggled as I pulled her to me tightly. "So much for letting me breathe a few minutes before you tried to crush me to death … I think that one prayer will never be answered." I could see Leah shaking her head while her counterpart was smirking in a way that suggested she was smug in the revenge she felt she was given over what Alice said to her earlier … perhaps Emmett would squeeze her to death too? One can wish I suppose.

"Why, hello there, my strong and sturdy goofy giant!" I had to giggle at that and Alice laid her head against my shoulder, snuggling in as close as she could. I laid my head on top of hers in response and I felt her sigh in content in response. I felt at ease with her in my arms, her warmth radiating around me. "I love you." She whispered softly into my neck. I smiled in response and snuggled my head into the crook of her neck, dropping an unnoticeable kiss as well.

The romantic and very still mood was stirred into oblivion by her eldest brother's voice yet again … unfortunately causing Alice to start out of my arms slightly to look at him. "Oh hey! Who's that hot chick with you sis? Actually I'm surprised since you only ever bring Rosie and Leah around for Thanksgiving!" Rosalie gave him a withering glare for the nickname and Leah just shook her head in response, pulling her into her and nuzzling into her neck lovingly. Rosalie, not so surprisingly, leaned back and looked like she couldn't be bothered with ever leaving her lover's embrace. "Oh, you guys are seriously hot together … it would be so much better if you kissed … you know and then some. That's seriously so hot." Emmett looked two seconds away from drooling and Rosalie, unwilling to pull away from Leah, walked to Emmett and slapped him upside the head without ever leaving Leah's arms. It was an amusing sight for sure and quite the accomplishment I was certain she had done many times before due to how it played out with Leah complying easily.

After spending a few more minutes outside lazing around we finally managed to bring the luggage in, most of it in thanks to Emmett's massive manpower and sheer size. I could swear he actually brought half of it in by himself all at once … I found it very comforting that more than half was just Rosalie and Alice alone. Leah and I seemed to be the ones who packed sensibly in this group from how much was visibly theirs.

I found that the entire house seemed to be very warm despite its extremely massive size. It was a shock to see the entire house from the inside and see that it was just as majestic and magical inside and out. Everything spoke of the wealth of this family and it scared me to see that Alice was so down to earth despite the wealth she had grown up with. It also explained how the Cullens were able to adopt so many children without ever having to struggle to support all of them. It turned out that Carlisle wasn't the only well known Cullen in this state; his wife was an extremely sought after Interior Designer.

Her mother, Esme, was very kind and very stunning … she looked much too young to have raised teenagers as well … just like her husband. They both looked like they could still be in the mid to late 20's and it was still a shock to see them being so affectionate and … motherly and fatherly to people who looked like they were only a few years younger than them. Esme and Carlisle had both been very supportive of our relationship and Carlisle even commented on how it was about time and that he had known for months that we would end up together. Emmett, as I figured, was a huge joker and basically the comic relief in this family and he made every effort to tease Alice and me as well as Rosalie and Leah for our respective relationships, in a good natured way of course. Edward … seemed polite enough but he didn't comment on our relationship and was … very quiet.

Alice's room looked to be about three times the size of our dorm room alone … and then some because she had an enormous walk in bathroom and closet as well. What surprised me even more was that it wasn't all yellow or pink, as I had previously thought it would be since they were her favorite colors. Instead there was a beautiful image painted across the ceiling of a waterfall and a river flowing from with a lion drinking from it and greenery surrounding it and extending to her walls and … it was breathtakingly beautiful. I just knew it had to have been Alice who painted such a majestic image. It was all so … Alice.

"Just … wow. This is … amazing and I know you painted it! Where have you been hiding this talent all this time Alice? I've never once seen a picture or even a sketch in our room … and I know everything in our room Alice!" I was incredulous that Alice hadn't told me sooner … or at the very least showcase some of her masterpieces for me. I also forgot to ask her again and again what her major was … I felt extremely horrible as a girlfriend and friend period.

"It's not like I wanted to keep it a secret … I honestly just … never really thought to mention it to be honest. I … that is … my dream is to be an artist someday. I really enjoy using art as an outlet for emotions and creativity. I would have shown you some of my art by I usually like working on it in my art classroom because it's a bit easier to have all of the materials around me instead of having to remember which ones I need … it's too easy to forget what I want or need, you know? That's all it was and also … I get embarrassed by it pretty easily … no more like … nervous and timid." Alice sighed and I gathered her into my arms and held her gently as she nuzzled into my body and wrapped her arms around my middle tightly, trying to get as close to me as humanly possible.

"Listen Alice … I'm not just saying this because I love you … though I really do love you very much my little pixie fairy. I just love what you did here because it shows only an ounce of the talent you hide inside of your very tiny but creative body. You just _exude_ this artistic and creative aura about you with every breath you take, with every move you make, with every part of your being … just you. You truly amaze me with your humbleness over everything and with your talent just breaking at the seams to come undone and become something wonderfully brilliant. Your ceiling and hidden works of art are all proof of that Alice. Never be ashamed to show the world who you are and what astonishing things you can do in this tiny but powerfully made body full of potential." I said with so much conviction I felt tears running down my neck slowly, painfully happy tears. Alice pulled back to look into my eyes and she was shining, glowing so beautifully.

"I love you so much." Alice whispered before pulling me close and pressing her lips softly to my own … almost like our first kiss all over again. There was so much promise, so much in that one kiss. Alice pulled back after a few minutes of innocent pecking with a smile full of love and adoration. "I'm so glad that we have just about the next six days to be together … no school … and mostly alone with the exception of us having dinner with my family and getting to know the family better … I expect a ring soon." Alice's face was so freaking serious I had a mini freak out. "I'm just kidding! We're college students, freshman at that! I know you don't have the money for that just yet … or anytime in the near future either since you have yet to actually get a job post college and all that jazz. I scared you didn't I?" The little mischievous pixie had the nerve to tease me about my panic.

"You sneaky little pixie, you are so silly and mischievous! I can't believe you tried to scare me like that! I mean … it's not like … you know … th-that I-I-I have that … ahem … planned out for the future when … w-when we're both working and have settled into a routine and … well have the money for a ring, wedding, and honeymoon wherever you want. I, I really like that idea Alice. I want to spend the rest of my life with you … I want us to be together for the rest of our lives … I want to be able to hold your hand when we're old and gray while we sit on our rockers on our porch. I want us to have a future together until we're both ready to die in each other's arms in our bed in our house." I started off unsurely with my stutter but eventually I just spoke what I had been envisioning in my dreams long before we even first began dating. I decided to throw caution into the wind and say something silly. "Besides now that I know how loaded you are and … well the father of the bride is the one who pays for everything … I think we're set."

Alice looked up at me shyly with a smile on her face at first, her dimples peeking out from her cheeks. After what I said last she slapped me playfully on the arm and I just laughed in response before we both settled in. She nuzzled my neck and wrapped her arms around my middle whispering softly, almost in disbelief. "Do you … do you really mean that? I mean I've thought about it too … I really want to have that life but … I'm sometimes afraid of my ability to foresee events based on others decisions because of what I might see in the future. I don't like having a gift that is like a double edged knife … either way I cut myself, I hurt myself with what I want to see and what I never meant to see. I'm honestly scared that something this ability will become a curse because of what I might see too late or what I might see at all."

Alice was distraught and I did what I knew would best soothe her and bring her some comfort and a laugh all in one. I picked her up and walked her all the way over to her bed, Alice giggled the whole way there and I couldn't help the smile that overtook my face at the joy in her voice. I dropped her on the bed gently before backing away and then running to her bed before jumping over Alice's body and landing next to her. She squealed in absolute delight and terror at the thought of me landing on her before she felt me land next to her. She shoved my side playfully, giggling all the while, the moment I landed because of how I scared her with prospect of being crushed.

"Oh … my … GOD … Bella, I really thought you were moments away from crushing me under your massively long arms and legs! I would have been a goner you meanie!" At first Alice's spoken language was a little broken from her gasping for air and still having a giggling fit. "You are such a goofy giant … but you are my silly goofy giant so … I guess I can forgive you for that. I might need a little persuasion though …" Alice's face was full of happiness and her eyes were shining with such joy I was glad I decided to do what I did. I raised my eyebrows in question and she seemed about ready to burst at the seams again. "Well … if you give me lots and lots of kiss … later tonight I think I _might_ be able to forgive you … if you start now I might be willing to give you a … reward of sorts later tonight … that is … if you want it." Alice wiggled her eyebrows with what she was tempting me with.

"You don't have to twist my arm to get me to kiss you … really you don't. In fact why don't I start now?" My voice was husky with need and want from her suggestive words. "I have to say you are a harsh mistress … but really I wouldn't have it any other way Alice." With that I sealed our lips for several minutes before air was a necessity.

Alice moaned loudly when I started nipping at her neck, licking and pressing open mouthed kisses against her sensitive skin. Alice's head was pressing against her pillows and her arms were wrapped tightly against my body, an arm secure around my middle the other reached up to clench fingers in my hair. She pushed me further down a little towards her collarbone desperately.

We were so absorbed into our respective tasks, me lavishing Alice's porcelain skin with love bites and Alice making sure I was where she wanted me to be, that we didn't hear the warning in steps and a doorknob rattling open. "Hey, Alice … whoa what the heck … why are you ravishing my sister? Get the hell off of Alice!" Her brother Edward surged forward and before I knew it he had grabbed my shirt and pulled me off of his sister suddenly and I hit wood. "Alice … what the heck were you thinking, allowing another … another _woman_ to … to take advantage of you!" Edward's voice was loud and furious over the fact that we were dating. I could tell there was something off with him the moment Alice introduced me as her girlfriend and his actions now just proved me right. I didn't like him … even though he was polite earlier.

"What the heck Edward? You could have hurt Bella!" Alice was furious over his behavior and she pushed him out of the way and knelt down to where he had knocked me down. "Oh Bella, did he hurt you anywhere?" She gently pulled me closer to inspect me for any major injuries since I was thrown against her dresser. "Oh my … your arm is bleeding and … _EDWARD!_ How could you? Her head is bleeding too! What is wrong with you? I can't believe you hurt her like that! Bella," she helped me up gently, "let's get you to Carlisle so he can check on your wounds. Oh, Bella." Her eyes were watering with tears and I felt more upset over her sorrow than over my wounds, they were nothing to me compared to her feeling unhappy.

I was in some ways surprised that good old Dr. Cullen had a private … well office with an array of medical equipment with him … and in others not because … well he is a stinking rich doctor after all … an amazing one at that. I had a slightly open wound on my head, despite the amount of blood it truly was minor, and a cut that wasn't too deep but it wasn't quite shallow either. My arm was bandaged up with white bandages that was wrapped around my arms several times to insure the wound wouldn't bleed through too much and then tied at the end.

"I am so sorry for my son's behavior Bella. Edward's background by no means excuses his actions but I believe it is due to his upbringing before he came to be with us. He was raised by his grandparents because of extenuating circumstances with his parents … questionable jobs and his living environment. He grew up with old fashioned grandparents until they died when he was twelve years old. That was more than enough time for him to grow up with their views and become a part of their views of how the world should be; a man and a woman in a relationship and marriage … amongst other views. It isn't right but it cannot be helped that he grew up in that kind of environment and prejudice." Though Carlisle was right it didn't make me dislike that fact any less than I already did because of what his behavior caused Alice; unnecessary tears and pain.

Alice seemed to have not known about it either due to her shocked face and demeanor altogether from earlier. I sighed and nodded my head in understanding. "I understand … Carlisle, I don't have to like it … but I do understand where both of you are coming from. You're a father and he is a misguided soul … he just needs to be shown some understanding and perhaps through some kind of miraculous event he will come to be more open about these kinds of things. It's not as if I can blame him for his very limited views on the world; his grandparents did what they could and raised him with the values they were. That's not a crime though it unfortunately does breed crime in the world because of how the brain then functions after such a thing. Angela's psychology is rubbing off on me, sheesh!" I blushed and looked away from them.

"I had no idea about any of this … if I had I wouldn't have said anything to him about us … or I would have at least known to be more careful. You probably didn't think this would happen so you didn't say anything right dad?" At Carlisle's nod Alice sighed in a gesture that suggested defeat and understanding. "Okay well … I understand that he doesn't know any better so … what if we teach him how to better handle us as a couple? Now that I think about it … he always has been very standoffish about Rosalie and Leah … polite but still … cold somehow. Maybe he'll know better if we had a family meeting or something like that?"

Alice's pondering face was absolutely adorable with her face scrunched up in contemplation with her hand cupping the side of her face. I had the urge to pinch her adorably dimpled cheeks from the cuteness overload but I refrained since we were still in her father's presence and I didn't want to embarrass her with my cooing. Carlisle nodded in agreement with Alice's words and he had his arms crossed, his face also taking on a thoughtful look but much more mature looking than Alice's adorable one.

"Well Thanksgiving isn't for another two days so perhaps we can talk to him tomorrow night about this? I never thought of it as a problem since he never did or said anything to either Rosalie or Leah … maybe he is taking it harder because you're his sister. I think that he sees Bella as someone who has defiled you in a way … as if she's taking advantage of you because you're so sweet. He saw his actions earlier as protecting his precious baby sister. When Alice first came into our lives he was a freshman in high school and he saw how vulnerable and scared she was. He loved her for her childish innocence and happiness once she allowed herself to be a child again. Edward seemed to find something in her that he loved so much he truly sees her as his sister…"

To say that what was happening was awkward … that would be a huge understatement, the understatement of the year really for me. Edward just sat with a stony expression as the Cullens and the Halewaters, as I've recently dubbed Rosalie and Leah privately in my head, tried to give him some insight into freedom of love. They were just stating that it couldn't possibly be wrong for someone to love someone else so much. The Halewaters were clearly happy with their relationship and Alice and I were too.

Edward would nod or shake his head in answer when appropriate so it was obvious he was paying attention but he had yet to speak a word. It was obviously frustrating the Cullens and Halewaters that he was being so quiet. Even Emmett looked frustrated with his brother for his lack of response and silence combined with his stony, expressionless face. I felt terrible that this was incited because of my relationship with Alice but I would never ever regret being in love with her nor would I apologize for acting on my feelings.

Finally after about an hour he broke his silence but unfortunately what he had to say wasn't the nicest thing. It was actually very cruel of him to say to me. "Look Alice, Bella, I understand that you think you're in love but you're not! You can't be because … because you're both women and a relationship is supposed to be a man and a woman! The Bible says that 'if a man lies with another man as he would a woman he has committed sin,' so the same thing applies with women who bed each other! I can't accept that you're dragging my baby sister to hell with you for your immoral behavior Bella! You seem like a really nice girl but you need to find someone else to be with. Settle down with a man and have a family of your own instead of ruining Alice's life by dragging her to hell with you!" His face was serious and his words cut through me like a knife.

All of the Cullens were shaking their head in disappointment and the Halewaters looked very upset on their part. "You know what? You're basically saying this all about Bella but what about Alice? Alice is as much a part of their relationship as Bella is and they are _in love_ with each other. They don't need to have any other reason to be together. If you think about it this way they didn't choose to fall in love with one another … it just happened and now they are together because they accept one another. You wouldn't have any objections if Bella was a man but she can't change who she is as much you can't. She was born this way and so was Alice. You need to face that fact Edward. She is still your baby sister and you are still her big brother. Do you see how much this is hurting her? She can't stand to see you this way. She wants you to accept her like you did all those years ago when she first came into your life, that's all she wants. She wants your acceptance."

Edward shook his head … he was distraught over what Rosalie said because he knew she was right about Alice. He saw the pain and hope in her eyes and face clearly. He could see how much this was hurting her but he couldn't change how he felt. He buried his face in his hands and continued to shake his head. He was upset over what was happening but he couldn't find it in himself to accept me as his sister's love.

"I'm sorry … I can't deal with this right now. I … may I be excused?" Carlisle sighed and nodded, holding his wife close due to her distress over this as well. "Thank you … I'm sorry." And with that he left the room without another word … he glanced back at Alice one more time before shaking his head sorrowfully and leaving.

It was a hard meeting on all of us because Edward wanted to get it … he wanted to understand it but he just couldn't. He was hurting over how sad Alice was and how disappointed Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett all were in him. They still loved him but he could tell they were disappointed. Rosalie's words failed to assuage him even slightly over his differing views and he left to calm down and mull over his beliefs.

With a heavy sigh I stood up with Alice in tow. "I think we should all take a break from this. Let's go Alice."

I lay in bed with Alice cuddled against me, practically lying on top of me. I was still wide awake despite that Alice had fallen asleep a long while ago. I sighed and looked over at the clock to see neon blue looking back at me with 12:20 AM glaring back at me. I couldn't fall asleep because there was too much on my mind. After sighing again I decided to slip out gently from Alice. She whined at first and clutched at me tighter which made me smile because of how absolutely adorable that was.

When I finally managed to slip out from underneath her she whined again and her hand moved around as if in search of something. Her eyes opened a crack and I felt panic bubble to the surface at seeing her topaz eyes seemingly glowing in the dark. "Huh? Bella? Where …?" Alice mumbled cutely. She was an adorable sight to behold.

I reached my hand out to hers and held her hand gently in mine as I chuckled at her bleary eyes and sleepy blinking. "I'm right here baby … I just can't sleep so … you know I thought I'd go on a walk to clear my head. I'll come back to bed soon, I promise." Alice blinked up at me again adorably and nodded her head slowly, her hair bobbed along with her and I couldn't hold back my chuckle and smile of adoration.

"You promise?" The way she asked, her voice so soft with a childlike innocence, had me cooing over how endearing it was to see her so vulnerable and adorable she was. I smiled at her and nodded. "Okay." She closed her eyes and I gently pulled my hand away from hers before I stood up. I leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss on the top of her head before I moved away. I looked at her one last time before I left her room and shut the door softly so as not to further disturb her.

I walked alongside the trees that were next to the long road leading up to the mansion's massive parking garage. I reached the road and turned left on the road. I sighed and saw my breath in the air. I stood for a few minutes relishing in seeing my breath in the cold air of winter and I was reminded of my childhood for a moment. I was so lost in reminiscing I didn't hear it come, didn't see it coming … it happened and before I knew it … I was in the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I felt glass shattering and I heard a tire screeching before everything was blanketed in darkness. I heard someone shout out, I heard someone yell my name in horror but I saw nothing. The last thing I could recall was someone's warm touch before everything stopped … before darkness took over and I knew nothing.

So that's chapter 12 for everyone! I'm sorry for the long wait in this chapter! I've had a terrible week with a broken tendon in my left hand and being in the hospital! Though the tendon is still very much broken and swollen it doesn't hurt nearly as much for me to move my left hand. I know this is very cruel of me but just wait! Have faith everyone!

姫宮光るより


	13. Amnesia

Chapter 13

Amnesia (Alice's pov)

I woke up with cold sweat pouring down my face, tears welling up in my eyes, and my heart pounding erratically. It wasn't a vision … it was a feeling; it was a knowing that something was terribly, terribly wrong. I could sense that something was wrong with Bella, something was horribly, horribly wrong but I didn't know what yet. I looked over at the clock to see that showed 12:58 AM in neon blue lights. It had been a little over half an hour since Bella left and she still wasn't back and that feeling of dread was overwhelmingly strong.

What could it possibly be? I sat up slowly and felt my hands shaking awfully and they were covered in a shiny sheen of cold sweat. I could see how much I was affected by what I was feeling and yet I didn't know why I was feeling it in the first place … but I somehow knew it had to do with Bella's safety and well being. I needed to know what was wrong. I looked over at the digital clock on my nightstand once again and saw that only two minutes had passed. I took a deep breath to try and calm down.

I was in the middle of putting my winter coat on when I heard it … my door was shoved open by Rose with Leah not too far behind her. They looked panicked and there was a wild look in their eyes and haste in their movement into my room. "There's no time Alice. You must hurry! Grab your socks and shoes and let's go … something terrible has happened. I will explain more when we get to my car. Hurry!" Her frantic and cryptic message left me feeling was if I was dead because I knew … I just knew. The way she was telling me to hurry, the way she was trying to remain calm and keep her tone neutral and soothing … it had to do with Bella and I was moments away from tears. I ran to my closet and grabbed random shoes and socks and rushed to put them on.

I felt my heart beat wildly in its cage; I felt the blood pound in my head as I ran as fast as my legs would carry me to Rose's car. It felt like in no time at all we were at the hospital and waiting to hear about Bella's condition because she was being operated on.

Carlisle requested Leah's presence not long after we got to the waiting room and she looked grave as she nodded to whatever Carlisle had requested of her. She stepped back in to whisper something into Rose's ears and she looked shocked for a moment before she nodded, gave Leah's lips a peck, and came back into the room. She shook her head slowly before coming over to sit next to me. She took my hand and looked at me and knew what she was going to say next was not going to be easy to hear.

"Okay, take a deep breath first … you look like you need it." I nodded slowly and did as she said. "Edward was driving back home because he couldn't sleep and Bella was standing a little too far from the curb … he … he didn't see her until it was too late. He didn't mean to Alice. As soon as he knew what he had done he called Carlisle and rushed her to the hospital with Carlisle. She's lost a lot of blood so their trying to give her a blood transfusion with Leah because she's the closest blood source they have on hand for Bella's blood type. Damn it for happening over the holidays!" Rose hardly ever swore in frustration but this situation caused her to feel so riled up I could hardly blame her for it.

I nodded slowly in understanding. I took her by the hand and lead her to a seat next to me and she followed me complacently. She had so much nervous energy her legs bobbed up in down in quick succession and she tapped the chair next to her with her long fingers in a complex rhythm, almost like she was playing a piano melody. I gave her hand a gentle squeeze and that seemed to take some of the edge off of her because her leg slowed before it eventually stilled its movement altogether. Her fingers slowed down and seemed to play a slower melody, a softer song almost like a lullaby as opposed to her quick and agitated movement of song earlier.

"Rose, you know I'm just as worried as you are but we both know that my father is a competent doctor, one of the best in all of Washington. All we need to do right now is have faith in his abilities and hope that everything works out in the end. I love her and I know that you see as someone important to you as well based off of how you're acting now. She's the love of my life but right now all we can do is wait and pray that she will come out of this alive, that she'll be back in my arms soon and we can all breathe again. We'll need to give her time to heal and cope with what happened since this time she could have lost her life." As I spoke I could hear my voice shake with trepidation, with the real fear of losing Bella forever.

Rose silently took me into her arms and held me as I cried, as I shook violently in her arms from the sheer force of the sobs wracking my body. I could find some comfort in the warmth of Rose's arms but what I wanted most, what I needed more than anything, was to know that Bella would be okay. I felt more tears falling from my cheeks and crashing against Rose's skin and soaking into her coat. I tried to pull away with that realization but Rose held on to me fast, refusing to let go until she was sure I was okay.

I sat there leaning against her shoulder, being held protectively and securely in Rose's arms for what felt like hours before Leah came back looking much paler normal. Her skin was a dull, pasty brown compared to her normal rich, olive tan skin. She was a little shaking on her long legs but she managed to sink into the chair next to Rose gracefully in spite of her fatigue from the blood transfusion most likely. She took Rose's free hand kissed it and collapsed into her lap, face down at first before she turned so that her head rested in Rose's laps and the rest of her body extended over about another five chairs despite the fact that her knees were bent. She really was a tall girl and it was even more noticeable when she did things like that.

We sat in a calm but tension filled silence. I wanted to ask her questions, press her for answers in my impatience and worry but I knew better than to push when I was in this state of mind. I also knew that Leah would speak when she felt better because she had just given her blood to Bella, and most likely up to the amount she was allowed to have taken out of her before she died. I wondered then if she'd had anything to eat or drink in between the time she had given blood and now.

"Did they give you anything to eat or drink yet Leah?" I saw her nod her head slowly. "Did they give you enough?" Leah seemed to mull her answer over for a moment before she shook her head. "I'll go get you something. What would you like?" She knew I meant business and so she requested some orange juice and a sandwich, 'any sandwich will do' as she put it.

It was nice to have a very slight reprieve over worrying because of my indecision over what sandwich to get Leah. She always had to be so vague about her preferences over everything but her love for Rose and how much she preferred to have her be her meals over food … _ugh, gross._ I shuddered at the images that brought to my mind since I considered them both sisterly figures since I had no sisters … other than the only one I might never know again. I sighed at the ugly turn my thoughts had taken and finally decided on giving her the egg salad sandwich since the other options didn't look as appealing with meat in it.

Upon walking back into the waiting room I saw Leah sitting in a chair with Rose on her lap, her face buried in her shoulder, in an intimate embrace, one of comfort. I felt panic rise within me like a storm at seeing them like that and the sorrow on Leah's face. Leah lifted her head up slightly but it was enough for me to see that she saw me where I was standing and she saw my panic as well. Her eyes widened in surprise and realization, understanding, flashed across her face.

"No, it's not what you're thinking Alice. I mean it is about Bella but for an entirely different reason than what you're thinking right now. It's not something bad at all. I … found out that Bella is my half sister when I went to get the blood transfusion done. Carlisle didn't know either until he saw how well our blood matched and he looked at our blood samples from various things that required blood work and saw it. He knew we had the same blood type but he had no idea that we are sisters as well. I was just so in shock over it. I needed to tell Rose about it and then you came in and I was going to tell you as well. I … think I will tell Bella when she wakes up."

The fire in their eyes gave me hope that Bella would pull through this and that she would be okay in the end. I sat next to them and closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall as we awaited the news.

I closed my eyes and nodded off for what seemed like a minute, which was in actuality an hour, and awoke abruptly to the feeling of someone shaking me gently. I opened my eyes slowly and blinked blearily into the dim lighting before Leah's face swam into focus. She was saying something I couldn't quite make out due to my groggy and fuzzy state from being woken up involuntarily.

"Wha … huh?" I said incoherently.

"Alice you need to get up. Carlisle is letting you into the room Bella's staying in right now. They just finished patching her up and he has a report on her condition. You can go on ahead because I want to stay here with Rose … she's really tired and she only just fell asleep so I don't want to wake her. I know what to do when she wakes up in a rage knowing that I didn't wake her up even though Carlisle's done operating on her." Leah chuckled at how accurate her words were, a prophecy in and of its self that would be proven true once Rose did wake up. I laughed at the images that flashed through my mind; Rose waking up slowly before sitting up with a start and then looking around wildly to see Leah and no me. She would start glaring at Leah until Leah's pouting face won out that argument … tantrum … whatever it would be considered.

"I'll give you the update if Rose hasn't woken up and killed you yet by the time I come back in, which we both know isn't going to happen. She only ever lasts about ten seconds at best before she caves in to your pout which is funny as hell." I giggled at the smug smirk on Leah's face at my description of factual probabilities based on memories of events when it happened just like that.

I stood up and surprised Leah with a hug and a silent thank you that was clearly spoken with my actions. She hugged me back reassuringly, confidently in a way that assuaged me better than anything else she could have done and I was glad for it. With one last parting smile I left the waiting room behind me and walked down the somewhat familiar halls until I stopped in front of a particular room. I stood there for a few moments before I walked inside and greeted my father with hesitancy. I could see from the look on his face that he had good and bad news to tell me because I'd seen the neutrality one too many times not to recognize it now.

I sighed, took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm my nerves, before asking the question I dreaded the answer most to; "so what's the verdict? Is she going to be okay?" My voice was shaking in its trepidation, in the obvious way showed my fears more acutely than anything else would have.

Carlisle paused. He took a deep breath before exhaling quickly in a sigh that had my nerves so very frayed and pounding blood in my head much too quickly. "The good news is that Bella is stable," he could tell that I knew there was a 'but' there and that there was a good and bad news to begin with. "The … bad news is that … she might possibly slip into a coma because of how intensive the surgery was for her internal bleeding and a ruptured pancreas as well as a few other things. She has several fractures on the left side of her ribs and she also has a severe concussion from what we saw so there is a high chance of her … having some form of amnesia when she wakes up."

Though he said 'when' I could only think of the word 'if' and how much impact that word would have had on me. He didn't need to say it because it was underlined in the text, an unspoken word hidden between what was said and what was left unsaid. I felt the defeat that word, that awful word, left in anyone, and most likely everyone, who had heard it in regard to a loved one. I was left with so much dread and worry over just hearing that it was a possibility at all, that there was even a slight chance of it scared me more than anything in the world, including death, did. It would crush me and break me down to the very core of my being to hear it, witness it, feel it, and experience such a dreadful thing.

I finally took the time to take in his appearance and saw that he had blood on his once pure white lab coat. It was like a blemish on an angel's wings, a dark splotch darkening and tainting an innocent child. I felt my breath leave me as if someone had punched me in the gut and took all of the air with them … I felt like I couldn't breathe at all. It was like all of the air left in the world was suddenly gone and I was left gasping for something that wasn't there anymore. I was like a fish suddenly tossed on land without a life jacket, without the necessities in order to live I was floundering.

I spoke wordlessly … I spoke with the actions that communicated what I could not through my speechlessness. The sorrow was shown through my slow, cascading tears, the fear expressed in the way my face contorted with worry, and the need for strength and comfort in the way I buried myself in my father's arms. He held me gently and soothed me with his soft voice and gentle hand running up and down my back tenderly while the other held my head to him warmly.

I felt safe and protected in his steady arms, his strong and unyielding frame. He was and always would be the kindest man I had ever met in my life, one of the gentlest beings in all the people I have met in my life. I was never gladder to have him in my life, to have him as a father.

He allowed me a few minutes alone with Bella and I took that time to take her hand in mine and kiss it gently. Her skin was so pale, so very pale. It hurt; oh did it hurt, to see the oxygen mask on her face, the heart monitor beeping in time with her slow heartbeat. It was all made even more real, even more heart wrenching for me to witness the once warm and strong body lay so lifelessly on the starch white sheets. I wished she could give me some sign to show that she could feel me somehow. I wanted to know that she was still with me, that she would be okay in the end.

"Bella … oh Bella, can you hear me? I wish you could give me a sign, any sign, to show me, to let me know that you are okay, that you will be okay in the end. I love you so much. All I want is to know that you will wake up and that you will be okay again, that you will be safe in my arms again. Please take me in your arms again to show me that you are okay. Please squeeze my hand in yours to let me know that you are still alive, that you still love me and that you will always be with me." My words, my wishes were all left unheard. The only sign that she seemed to hear me was the slight twitch in her hand in mine but then there was nothing. I let the tears fall down my face as I felt nothing to reassure me.

A single tear landed and broke on her hand. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it tenderly. I held her hand to my face like she was made of glass for just a moment longer before I set her hand down gently and left the room with tears trickling down my face slowly. I gave my father a hug before I went back to the waiting room where Leah and Rose were only to find my brother there talking to them.

I took a deep breath and approached cautiously. Edward seemed to be pleading with them both desperately and they both seemed very strained in response to him.

"It was an honest mistake! You have to believe me! I never hurt her on purpose! It wasn't my intention at all! I didn't see her until it was too late! She was … she was standing too close to the road and I didn't see her until I was right in front of her and it was too late! I feel so horrible! I really … I didn't …" and he collapsed on to his knees his hands buried in his face, sobs wracking his body. He was in despair; he was utterly broken over what he had done to Bella. "If I'd known this was going to happen I would never have been so terrible to her earlier! If I had known that this was going to happen I would have done anything, I would have done everything in my power to prevent this from happening. Please believe me."

I couldn't stand by and watch my brother weep so brokenly into his hands anymore and I knelt down beside him and held him in my arms gently. He truly regretted his actions and how he acted towards Bella prior to the unfortunate events that took place. I knew my brother was genuine in his apology and his contrite and broken attitude now confirmed that he was. He nuzzled my neck and cried harder. I patted his back gently and held him until he calmed down enough to pull away.

"I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen Edward. I believe you and I forgive you because you truly didn't mean any harm in how you acted toward her earlier. You need to apologize to Bella though and ask for her forgiveness more than you need to ask for mine. She needs to hear it more than I do because we all know that you were raised this way and you just need to learn acceptance now. You need to be accepted and learn acceptance and tolerance for those who are different. You need to learn how to love others _for_ their differences instead of hating, spiting, and condemning them for it. You need to know that we're all here for you Edward. We'll help you learn and then you can apologize and hold your head up high and say proudly, 'I've learned to accept instead of hate,' and then you'll truly begin to live. I spent so long hating and spiting my parents for what they did to me but then I realized that they were just afraid. They were afraid and because of that fear they pushed me away. I don't you to end up doing the same thing and regretting it for the rest of your life because you're my brother and you're important to me."

Edward stood up and held his hands out to me and pulled me up and into his arms. He held me for several minutes before he slowly pulled back to look at me with gentle, understanding eyes. "I will. I will for you Alice, for you and Bella. I just hope that she will wake up soon so I can ask her for her forgiveness … I need it more than anything because I … hate myself for what I made you both feel and then this happened. I am so, so sorry that this happened. I wish I could have seen her earlier so this never would have happened." The regret was evident in his tone of voice and so I held him again in my arms to reassure him that I forgave him, that he was already forgiven.

I went over to Leah and Rose and hugged them both tightly and they held me back just as tightly, sensing that I needed the comfort of them more than anything. There were my sister figures and I needed their warmth more than anything else right now. I could tell Edward was hesitant in coming over without any invitation so when I heard Rose speak up I felt pride for her swell within me as she uttered a soft, "come here," to him. It was hard for Rose to forgive others, she really could hold grudges until her deathbed in all seriousness, but she was allowing Edward this even though it was obvious she was upset with him.

A week passed and she was still asleep and it was starting to scare me, to terrify me with the thought of her never waking up. It scared me and shook me to my very core. I had called Angela the next day and told her what had happened and she was so heartbroken over what had happened. She came over that very day to see her in the hospital and she cried and shook with the force of her sobs. The second I saw her I could tell that she had cried the entire drive to the hospital. We held each other as we both cried our tears of anguish over Bella's condition.

Angela and I stayed here with Bella even though school had started up again but the school understood our need to stay with her. I heard that they even told the students and teachers on campus to keep her in their hearts and minds because of her critical condition. They even held an assembly for her and asked that everyone be considerate toward Angela and me when we came back to school. My phone was blown up with so many text messages of regrets, of sympathy toward my situation and how they wish they could be there for me. There were so many messages about how they were there for me and that they were praying for Bella and it made me smile and cry over how supportive everyone was being. They were all being so sincere in their efforts to make both Angela and me know that we were not alone in our worries.

It surprised me with the lengths some of them went by sending flowers with cards from shops in Seattle and other various things they did to insure that we knew they were there. Some of them even went as far as making a trip to the hospital to visit her and tell us that they were there for us. Oddly enough Lauren and Jessica came to visit too with flowers and genuine concern over her condition. There was Jacob and Eric from our Algebra class. Mike, Ben, and Riley from our English composition class and many more came to see her in person. They had 'get well' cards and flowers filled the room to the brim from our concerned fellow students and tears burned my eyes every visit. They all cried when they saw how completely and utterly bruised and broken she looked in the starch white bed.

Her face was covered in bruises and lacerations from the debris that had hit her when the glass cracked against the impact against her body. Her beautiful face was pale and marred with so many scratches that were just beginning to heal. Her body was covered in a cast to help her healing ribs and her head was wrapped up because of the severe bleeding there from before. Her head had stopped bleeding but the bandage was changed daily as a precaution to insure she didn't get any infections and the like.

It was more than frustrating and disheartening to know that she still wasn't awake even though it had been a week since the accident. It was almost as heartbreaking as the thought that she would never again open her beautiful brown eyes. I wanted to see those chocolate brown eyes open and shine with love. I just wanted to see her wake up and show me that she was okay and that we could work through this together. I wanted to be able to see a sure sign that there was a tomorrow for _us_. I wanted us to have a future that was surely ours and not have to question whether or not we would have more time together or not. I didn't like this uncertainty at all, it scared me, and it frightened and terrified me.

It was on Friday that something finally happened. It took nine days before she finally showed signs of awakening and my heart pounded in overdrive. She twitched. Her fingers twitched. I held onto them desperately. My heart continued to pound as I watched her face, her cheeks twitched and so did her eyes. Her heart rate was picking up some speed as was mine. My heart was beating impossibly fast at the realization of her waking up pounded through me.

I called out to Angela who had been napping in a chair on the other side of her. She opened her eyes blearily, adorably, and blinked them several times to clear them. In my happiness I sat on the bed next to her and pulled her up into a sitting position and held her against me. I held her to me tightly, lovingly, and with so much relief. I wish I'd noticed sooner how confused she was but I didn't.

"Oh Bella, you're finally awake! I was so worried about you baby! I'm so glad; I am so relieved that you're awake now." I leaned in to kiss her to find that she was unresponsive and startled at my actions. She kissed back after a few moments but then she pulled away, startled. "Wh-what's wrong Bella? Was it something I did?" I was worried.

She paused and seemed to be trying to regain her voice. "U-um," she croaked out, her voice cracked and scratchy from not being in use for so long, "I … ahem … I don't know who you are." Those words were the ones I dreaded to hear most and I felt so broken, so completely and utterly broken to hear them. "Who are you?" And I felt myself drawn to tears. I looked over and saw that Angela was staring back at me with wide, shocked eyes. She looked just as upset when understanding finally set in. The sudden recognition in her eyes lead to Angela feeling apprehensive, anxious that Bella might not remember her either.

I took a deep, slow breath in and let it out just as slowly. "What is … the last thing you remember? Can you tell me that?" I dreaded the answer I would get.

"I-I … I don't know. I don't know who I am or anything … I don't really remember anything. Who am I? Who are you?" Bella was frantic and terrified of the answers that eluded her, the memories that just seemed to vanish in the blink of an eye. "I don't remember anything at all." She was so scared, so frightened over the prospect that I only held her tighter to me to comfort her.

"It's going to be okay Bella. I promise you that you will get the help you need and that we will be here for you. We'll help you remember … maybe slowly you'll regain your memories with time. Who knows, you might remember something not too long from now? You just need to stay calm and take some deep breaths. Panicking won't get you anywhere while you're in this state." I tried my best to soothe her and it seemed to work because she was no longer panicking.

I cried and hoped that my words would hold true because there was no guarantee with someone with amnesia. I could only hope, I could only pray that she would regain her memories because if she didn't … it would break me more than anything else in the world.

Here is the long awaited next chapter in this story! I know I'm being cruel and I'm sorry for that but I hope this chapter is enjoyable nonetheless! This chapter is just a little bit shorter than my normal chapters and I apologize but I felt like it would just be me rambling if I continued on anymore than this.

Please read and review and tell me your thoughts!^^

姫宮光るより


	14. Frozen

Chapter 14

Frozen

It was like everything froze for me the moment the realization sunk in … she really didn't remember me. She couldn't remember anything or anyone least of all herself. That brought me little comfort because she couldn't remember anything at all and that meant she had her entire life to remember. She couldn't even remember anything leading up to the accident and that showed that her comatose state and most likely the trauma to her head caused her brain to lose its control over memory. Another possibility in all of this was that her brain was trying to protect her from the memories that caused her pain by taking them away, repressing them.

I was still in shock even though it had been a week since Bella ended up staying with my family to try and regain her memories. In an effort for her to remember them she was allowed to take medical leave from college and I was as well because of how traumatic it was for me to see her like this … Angela decided to finish the semester up and come see her as soon as Christmas break began. She was also heartbroken over her best friend not remembering her but she didn't want to cause Bella any stress or any feelings of guilt when she finally regained her memories.

Rosalie and Leah went back to their jobs as did Carlisle and Emmett. Edward went to school not too far from home so he was still living at home and he was still so upset with himself. He hadn't forgiven himself yet for what he had done to Bella even though I had already forgiven him and Bella for her part couldn't fault him since she couldn't even remember him. She had seen him the day after she woke up and she was bombarded by profuse apologies from him and she wasn't sure how to respond to him at all. She looked uncomfortable hearing such sincere apologies from him without knowing what he was apologizing for even though he told her that he hadn't meant to. It was hard for me to watch it take place because she couldn't really forgive him for something she didn't even know he did … could she? She seemed to be thinking along the same lines as me because her face reflected it completely.

Bella couldn't understand it but she felt so at ease around me that she actually insisted that she be allowed to stay in my room with me. What surprised me even further was that when she slept at night she would somehow end up holding me tightly during sleep, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist. It was as if even though she couldn't remember me … she was still in love with me somehow, as if her feelings for me were still there even if she couldn't remember me. Whenever I would wake up in her arms she was already awake and content to hold me in her arms and that made me feel better. It gave me hope that she would accept that we were girlfriends if I were to tell her.

I was sleeping when I was suddenly jerked awake to the feeling of Bella moving fitfully in her sleep; it was like she was reliving a memory in her sleep. She was squirming around and muttering words under her breath and her breathing sounded slightly ragged, irregular and strained almost. She seemed to be having a nightmare of some sort and I had no idea how to calm her so I did what I thought would best assuage her; I held her. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tenderly to me. I gently ran my hand up and down her back and held her to me. I whispered words of comfort soothingly and softly into her ear. Her agitated movement ceased after a few tense moments and she seemed to settle down and her breathing evened out.

I lay awake for several minutes after her initial wave of panic passed because I was too wired to sleep now, I was too awake now. My head was pounding with thoughts that raced at the speed of light, too many thoughts flashed through my head for me to settle down. I sighed and snuggled into Bella's neck and her chin automatically tucked me into her neck and her body spooned me as if it was second nature for her. The thought brought a smile to my face.

It was after laying on the bed for half an hour with racing thoughts that Bella's voice whispered softly, "why are you still awake, Alice?" She accepted that her name was Bella and that everyone was who they said they were but otherwise she hadn't really remembered much. She was regaining memories very slowly and most of them were from long before we had even met. It was very disheartening for me to see her progress so slowly but it wasn't as if I could just magically bring her memories back, they had to be remembered slowly and overtime. I just needed to be patient. I just needed to wait for her to be ready to love me again.

"I … just can't seem to fall asleep that's all Bella. Don't worry about me. You need your rest more than I do." Bella was quiet for a few moments before she silently snuggled into me and held me tighter, comforting me without words. She somehow knew what to do to make me feel better even though she couldn't remember anything about me other than my name. It comforted me in a way that gave me hope.

"I … I don't know why but I … I feel so at ease when I'm around you. You make me feel so safe and secure. Whenever I'm around you my heart starts pounding faster in a good way and I can't help but smile whenever you do … I feel so loved by you. I really like it when I'm around you … I think I … this might sound strange but I think I'm … I think I'm in love with you Alice. I mean … what else explains these feelings I have whenever I'm around you? I feel so relaxed and happy when I'm around you. I don't know what this feeling is if it's not love Alice. I … I want you to be honest Alice … were we … um were we dating before … the accident?" Bella sounded nervous … she was stuttering nervously, cutely, just like the first time she confessed to me. I smiled at another show of her still being the same Bella even with 98% of her memories gone still.

As shocked as I was to hear her confess to me again even despite her state of amnesia and it warmed my heart greatly to hear the words fall nervously from her lips. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at the familiarity of the situation now and how she had confessed to me weeks ago. It was absolutely adorable and endearing to hear the same nervous stutter present in her words and the nervousness that was exuding from her. It was my Bella without her memories and I was still very much in love with her.

"Yes, Bella, we were dating. I … I still love you Bella. I'm still in love with you and all I want is to help you remember everything. I just want you to be happy. That's all I really want for you and I don't know if it is with your memories intact or not but … I don't think you would be happy if random memories started reappearing in your mind and you couldn't remember why. I want to be here for you every time a memory comes back to answer any questions you might have about them. I want to be here for it all. I want to be here for you through everything because I love you so much." With that last part I nuzzled my head further into the crevasse between her collarbone and neck.

She pulled me impossibly closer and held me tightly to her body. She was holding me so warmly and protectively I felt myself melt into her strong, loving arms and she sighed in content. "I am so glad to hear this Alice. I am so relieved that my feelings weren't something creepy for you and that we're in love and I'm not somebody who falls in love easily and well … with just anyone. You are so kind and patient Alice. I can see why I fell in love with you before. I can see why I love you now still. I finally understand why my heart kept pounding so fast and hard whenever you were near this past week. Actually I remember when I first woke up and you kissed me my heart was pounding crazily and I was startled but after a few moments I just kissed back as if … it was second nature. It scared me and I pulled away. I thought I was strange for it and then you looked at me so worriedly and love was just pouring from your amazing topaz eyes. I felt as if I fell in love with a random person because I couldn't remember anything."

It awed me to hear what had transpired that day because I never knew what she had been feeling whenever she first woke up and I kissed her in relief. I had never heard her thoughts over her first memories since the memories from before the accident were wiped completely out of her mind due to the trauma she experienced. It cleared up my fears that she would hate me for being so … intimate when she couldn't even remember who I was. It assuaged my fears that I had scared her away by being so forward and kissing her without knowing that she couldn't even remember who she was let alone me. I was a stranger who kissed her and she was a confused and lost girl who kissed back without knowing why.

I brought my hands up and gently ran them up and down her back with my fingertips the way she loved me to. I smiled at the memory of when I first discovered her love of 'whisper touches' as she dubbed them. She shivered and shifted her head slightly so that her nose was buried in my hair instead and I could feel her inhaling my scent. I remembered her once saying that I smelled like Jasmine and she loved that scent and I wondered if she was thinking that now or not. She probably did like my scent because she seemed immersed in the task of memorizing my scent with the way she kept breathing me in.

"I …" I hesitated for a moment before I continued on determinedly, "is it okay for me to kiss you? You d-d-don't h-have to if you don't want to Bella." I said hurriedly. I heard her chuckle softly and she buried her face into my hair to try and stifle her laughter before she pulled back. I could tell that there was still a large smile on her face as she spoke.

"Yes it's okay Alice. I was actually trying to gather up the courage to ask you the same thing. I … well … I know that I don't really remember much but … we … you … um … well we don't really need to walk on eggshells around each other do we? We are girlfriends. We are dating and … I don't think, I can't really remember this but, we ever had to ask if it was okay to kiss before right? I mean I can't remember but I have a feeling that if there was any desire to kiss we just did so naturally without asking questions." It was my turn to laugh because I realized how ridiculous I was being for asking in the first place. We were both being ridiculous because we weren't quite sure how to act naturally again quite yet since it was all so new to us again.

I pulled away from her slightly to look up at her softly, tenderly. "You are absolutely right Bella. We don't need to be so tentative with each other even though this is like the first time for everything all over again. It's like the first time you confessed to me, which was so adorable I wouldn't have been able to say no even if I wanted to. You were so endearing and cute that I was absolutely charmed. I think I fell in love with you just a little bit more because of how sweet and nervous you were. When you kissed me I felt my heart melt right with it. I love you so much Bella." With that I leaned in and kissed her softly, gently like it was our first kiss all over again and it really was.

We were pressing our lips gently and innocently and I felt myself become lost in the sensation of her lips pressing against mine. I hadn't kissed her in a week and I had missed our intimate connections because I didn't want to scare her away. Now I knew how foolish I was for thinking that. Our soft connection ended when we both pulled back mutually for air. Bella dove back in for another kiss and kissed me much more hungrily this time. This kiss was full of hunger and passion, desire and lust, it was a kiss full of feelings that were still strong and present though the memories were gone. Our love was still an integral part of her despite her memory loss and I loved her more for it.

"Mmmm … Bella." I moaned her name as she moved from my lips to suck on my neck and lick it after biting and nipping at the skin to soothe it. Her warm, comfortable, and familiar body was lying on top of me gently and I shuddered at how right and good it felt. I knew that she was forming love bites all over my neck but I didn't care to stop her because it was so familiar. It was like we were back to how we were before and this was just another typical night of passion and love between us. This was just another night of foreplay before we made passionate love … except it wasn't like any other night and she was still recovering from amnesia.

"I … I … I don't … ha … I don't know … where to go … from here … _Alice_." The way she said my name caused a deep, guttural moan to escape my lips. Her words were punctuated with pants and pauses because she was still kissing and nipping at my skin as she spoke in between puffs of air and it was turning me on. I felt the growing wetness between my legs from how good she felt despite her claims about not knowing what to do next. It was apparent that my needs could not be met because she didn't even know what to do so with great displeasure at my morals I pushed her back gently.

I was still panting and I could feel my body screaming at me to continue but my brain was telling me to be reasonable. My mind and body were at war with each other; my body told me to fulfill my needs while my head told me to stop because Bella didn't know what she was doing at all. "Bella … I think … we should … stop because you don't … know what you're doing and … you need to recover more before we even try to take that next step again. We both need to take a step back because you don't even remember who you are yet. I know that you know how you feel and that we are both in love with each other and that we are dating but I need to let you remember more before we can be intimate again. Please understand that it isn't because I don't want to be with you because that's not it at all. I love you and I want to do this right by both of us." I was still trying to catch my breath from the mind blowing kisses and my racing heart but I got my point across.

Bella nodded her consent and moved back to her previous position. She held me in her arms and I could hear her heartbeat racing like mine had been and it caused happiness in me knowing that her body still knew me as well as her heart. Warmth flooded me at the revelation and I snuggled into her tightly and she squeezed my body briefly before pulling me as tightly as she could into her. It felt so right and good for us to be like this again. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

The next morning I woke up to the feeling of the softest pillows I had ever slept on in my life. I opened my eyes slowly to take in the sight of … Bella's breasts and I felt my face flush at the comprehension that flooded me. I was lying on her breasts … my face was pressed right against the soft mounds of perfection. I wanted to pull away because I was growing so intoxicated by the temptation of finishing what we had started last night but her arms were wrapped around me and that prevented such a move. I was literally in heaven and hell at that moment because of the heavenly feeling of her softness and hell because I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to curse myself for having a conflicting moral ridden mind and a sinfully lustful body that was fully aroused. I'm sure I had a sexual dream because I could feel how wet I was and I'd only just woken up.

Bella seemed to still be sleeping quite peacefully because her breathing was even and she hadn't stirred once since I woke up. I cursed my luck for seeming so good but at the same time causing me delicious torture all at once, conflictingly so. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear the soft knock on my door or the turning of the knob. I didn't see the person whose head poked in because I was facing away from the door so when a soft voice spoke my body jumped from being startled.

I cursed inwardly at that and held still to see if Bella was still sleeping and thankfully her breathing was still even. I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to turn gently in her body. It seemed that as long as I wasn't trying to get out of her protective arms she was fine with it … even though she wasn't even conscious. Her body seemed to love me as well because of her unconscious actions and I floated away in the thoughts that took over, the memories that came to my mind. That is until I was interrupted by that soft voice again.

"Alice … Alice it's almost ten. Would you like to wake Bella up and freshen up for some breakfast? I am going to make strawberry waffles and pancakes for Bella and some blueberry muffins for you. Your brother has left for his class already so it's just us girls at home now." I smiled widely at my mother and nodded. She smiled right back but just as she was about to leave I stopped her.

"Wait mom! I have something to tell you." She looked surprised before she stepped in and sat on my armchair just a few feet away from the bed so I didn't have to shout. I was so excited and from the look on her face she looked happy for me and she was just looking at me with love. I loved Esme so much even if she wasn't my real mother. "I … well last night Bella told me that she thought she was in love with me because of how her heart pounded whenever she was around me and how flustered and happy she felt when she saw me. So uh, well, we kissed after she asked me if we were girlfriends or not. She was happy to hear that she wasn't strange for having feelings for me even though she lost all of her memories of our time together. I'm just so happy that her feelings haven't changed even though she can't really remember me." I spoke so quickly in my excitement but Esme could follow every word because she was so used to it.

She smiled widely at me and she got up from my armchair to sit on the bed close to me instead. She took my hand gently in hers and squeezed it warmly, "I'm so happy for you Alice. I'm glad that even though she can't remember you just yet her heart and body haven't. Her heart and body still yearn for you and love you just as much even without her memories of your time together to back them up. Her mind may not remember you Alice but her heart and her body certainly do remember their love for you and that's enough for you Alice. I love you my little golden angel." Esme whispered tenderly.

I felt my heart melt at the endearment she hadn't said since I was thirteen years old. There were many times over the past five years that I had expected the term of endearment to slip past her lips but it seemed as if she held them back. I knew that she was only trying to let me grow up to become a young woman because I wasn't a child anymore; I was a teenager. I was growing up and she wanted to give me the space to grow up. She allowed me independence and freedom that most parents didn't give their children because they didn't trust them to do the right thing. They couldn't let go.

I was so thankful for Esme and for Carlisle. I had gotten so lucky with them. I could not imagine anyone else better suited to be my parents than them and I was so grateful for them. They loved me and cared for me with patient arms and hearts and they gave me what my parents could not: unconditional love. They gave me the love of parents who would love their child no matter what wrongs or mistakes they made. All they wanted for their children was to grow up with love and compassion no matter what they did and they gave me that.

I felt warm tears gather up in my eyes at the love and strength I felt from Esme and I wanted to be held by my mother again. I gently pried Bella's arms from around me but they refused to let me go so opted to sit up instead. When I looked up at Esme again I could see the smiling silent laughter bubbling in her eyes and oozing from her aura. I pouted at her and she pulled me into her waiting arms gently and I snuggled into her embrace. Esme was the kindest and gentlest mother I had ever met and she was all I needed, all I wanted, in a mother. She was all I could ask for. This family was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I could not be more thankful for them finding me and rescuing me.

I was held for several minutes and she even rocked me back and forth with her like I was a scared little eight year old girl again. I felt like I was a small child again in her arms. I felt like she could make all of the pain and hurt go away just by holding me like this. I felt so small and young when she held me in her arms like this and I felt like she was protecting me from the dangers of the world. She made me feel so safe and loved. I always felt better when she held me in her arms like this even when I first came to be their daughter. Esme had an indescribable motherly warmth and glow. She just gave off the feelings of being a mother and it made me feel like nothing could hurt me when she held me in her arms so tenderly.

I stayed in her arms even when I felt Bella stirring from her sleep. She moved a little bit closer to me and her arms tightened around me and I smiled at the feeling. She made an adorable groaning noise and snuggled her face into my side and I couldn't help the happy feelings that erupted inside me. As cliché as it was I was bursting at the seams with happiness from being held by my mother and being nuzzled into by the love of my life. Life was blissful in this moment.

Esme had a twinkle in her eyes from the sight of Bella's unconscious body snuggling in as closely as she could to my side. It seemed that even in sleep Bella was determined to keep me in the curve of her caring arms. "Alice it's been fifteen minutes since I came up here to ask you to come down to eat breakfast with me. I have already made everything for us and I was just waiting for you to wake Bella up. I don't want to rush you but I want to go make sure everything is still nice and warm and crisp still. I will be downstairs when you are both ready my little golden angel. I love you Alice." She tenderly kissed the top of my head and held me for another moment before she pulled away gently. She placed one last kiss on my nose before she left.

I sighed at the daunting task of waking Bella up. I had always hated waking her up when we were living in the dorms together but this time was much worse. It seemed that she was even less of a morning person as an amnesiac. I gently patted her cheek to try and get her to wake up to no avail. She remained completely asleep for all the times I patted her cheek in an effort to rouse her from her deep sleep. I tried calling out to her but still she lay as if she would never wake up. I then tried to gently shake her shoulders and she seemed to stir for just a moment only to nuzzle further into my side and continue sleeping soundly. I really disliked trying to wake her up because she looked so peaceful and angelic but I knew I had to because I didn't want to keep my mommy waiting.

"Come on Bella. Please wake up. My mom Esme made some strawberry waffles and pancakes for us." I got nothing in response and I heaved a heavy sigh.

I sat with my face cupped in my hand for a few moments in deep thought when an idea struck me. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it yet as the obvious solution. I mentally face palmed at the fact that it didn't occur to me to try this in the first place because of how blatantly obvious it should have been. I shook my head at myself for not thinking to do this sooner.

I slid myself down slowly and carefully so that I was face to face with my sleeping lover. She was still breathing evenly in undisturbed sleep and I almost felt bad for trying to wake her up at all because she was so at peace and relaxed. This was the first time I had ever seen her sleeping so uninhibitedly. It was such a rare sight because of how guarded she usually was even when she slept before.

I leaned in and kissed her lips softly before gradually adding more pressure to the formerly soft kiss. It took a few moments before she responded to my kiss though she was still asleep. I pressed my lips harder against hers and started kissing her passionately and turned into a possessive kiss full of desire. She moaned in response and I knew she was awake so mission accomplished for sure. When I pulled back for air I opened my eyes to see her blinking her eyes sleepily and it was such an endearing sight I kissed her nose gently in response to the adorable sight.

She yawned and mewled like a kitten as she stretched her back out just like a cat would and the thought brought a smile to my face. She nuzzled her head into my neck for a moment before she pulled back a little and spoke. "So now that you've awaken me up can you tell me why you did?" Her voice was gravelly from having just woken up from sleep and I couldn't help the tingles that spread throughout my center from how absolutely sexy she sounded. Her voice was pure sex to me.

A moan threatened to escape my throat but I pressed it back and spoke passed it. "My mom told me that she made breakfast for us already and she wants us to freshen up in the bathroom and join her. She asked me to wake you up since you need to eat more than I do. I'll help you just like before since you still have sore healing ribs. Just take things slowly Bella." I reluctantly moved out of her warm arms and got up from the bed.

I helped her sit up gingerly before I carefully helped her move to the edge of the bed and she got up from there. The only good thing about her being in a coma before was that it had allowed her body to heal much more quickly than the body did on average because she was asleep for all of the nine days. Her ribs had been healing quite nicely and were only slightly chipped at this point but it was still painful to move around with the slight chips in them. At the very least it wasn't as agonizing for her to breathe.

Breakfast was easygoing and the conversations were laidback. We had a good time overall and I made sure that Bella didn't try to clean up her dishes because even though she couldn't remember anything about her life before other than a few scattered memories she was still the same Bella. She was still very much my Bella and she wanted to help because she felt like a rude burden for not being able to do much of anything for herself because of her delicate condition.

Something strange happened when Edward came home. Everything was going well as we sat down and watched something on the TV when Edward came home and all of a sudden Bella started clutching her head in pain. At first she shook her head before it became so strong that she was clawing at her head and I felt panic rush through my system. She was muttering something under her breath and whimpering in pain and eventually she ended up laying her head in my lap. That seemed to calm her down and I wondered what exactly it was that caused such a visceral and powerful reaction from her.

I guess only time would tell when she would be able to describe what had happened in that moment of throbbing pain. She said that something strange happened … she saw something that she couldn't remember happening but just as soon as the memory came it left her. Her memories were barren compared to before and this slight slip of a memory flew away before it could be fully regained.

Well here's the long awaited next chapter! I hope there are many reviews this time because I'm not sure if I'm going to end it in the next chapter or not! Tell me your thoughts on whether the next chapter should be the finale or not!^^ I stayed up until 2:25 AM to type up this chapter for you guys! I hope you enjoy!^^

姫宮光るより


	15. Slow Awakening

Chapter 15

Slow Awakening

Alice had been so wonderful and kind the last week and I was glad that she was allowing me to stay with her because I wasn't sure how I would be around a father I didn't even remember. I couldn't even recognize his face when she showed me a picture of him. It was all so confusing and strange but there was one thing I was absolutely certain of; I was completely and irrevocably in love with Alice. She made me feel so safe even when I was confused after waking up and suddenly finding myself being kissed by, for all intents and purposes, a stranger. I was aroused by the kiss she gave me when I first woke up and though I was shocked at first my body responded to her so naturally, like it was second nature, like it was clockwork. My body just knew how to respond.

I could tell that things had been very hard for Alice these last few weeks with the worry of me never waking up and then when I finally did … I couldn't even remember her. I couldn't even remember my own name though so I guess it stands to say that it didn't hurt her as much since I couldn't remember not only her … but my entire life. It was difficult to say the least because I couldn't even remember what I liked and disliked when it came to everything … well that wasn't entirely true. I did know at least that I _really_ liked kissing Alice and that I _really_ loved her. I was truly in love with her and despite the complete blankness of my memories; this absence did not stop my heart and body from remembering my love for her. I was still very much in love with Alice even though I couldn't remember how we came to fall in love with each other.

Small bits and pieces of memories kept flashing through my head but they never really stayed long enough for me to process them. It was like my brain didn't _want_ me to remember something as strange as that sounded. It allowed me to remember my feelings of devotion and love toward Alice but it wouldn't let me remember much else. It was confusing to even think of that as a possibility but it was exactly what it seemed to be.

Her brother Edward made me a little uncomfortable for some reason. It wasn't as if he was mean to me outright or that he was rude to me, far from it. I wasn't sure why but every time he looked at me he had … a strange look between regret and … something akin to discomfort on his face … as strange as that was. I couldn't figure out why he looked so sad and contrite whenever he saw me and when he looked at me … he looked at me as though he wanted to say something but couldn't. He was a strange enigma I couldn't figure out and though he was polite I could see some hidden emotion in his eyes whenever our eyes met and it gave me strange sense of … foreboding.

I wanted to ask him about it but I wasn't sure I would like the answer I might find in asking and it was something that I most likely couldn't undo and erase in my head. Even without my memories, even without any clarity or confirmation, I knew that Alice and I were meant to be together. I could care less that her brother looked at me like I was someone who was trying to take his sister away from him when we were together but look like a wreck when I was without her. Alice and I fit together like puzzle pieces, like yin and yang, like two halves of a heart fitting together perfectly. I could see it in her eyes, the love and adoration she had for me, and I felt it too in every tender look, in every gentle touch, in every affectionate kiss. I loved her even more for it, it seemed.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a warm hand resting on my cheek so softly, so lovingly and I knew who it was immediately. I leaned into her touch and nuzzled her hand and I heard her gentle and delicate tinkling giggle in response and I felt my heart warm and my chest pound with love. I was sitting on the loveseat in her room because I didn't want to venture outside of her room just yet for fear of seeing her brother and what could either be regret or disgust pouring out from every crevice and pour in his body.

The hand was soon slipping down to my shoulder and her other hand joined on the other before she moved to straggle my waist. I forgot about Edward and my worries as I felt my heart hammer in my chest at the sensations and faint traces of familiarity rushing through me at the feel of her. She was so familiar and warm and so soft and gentle. She was a healing balm for me because all of my pain and sorrow over not remembering melted away the moment she looked at me with those beautiful topaz eyes.

I pulled her to sit down on my lap and our lips met in a soft and tender kiss. Her lips brushed mine so softly and soothingly I felt myself melt into her touch, into this blissful moment of peace and serenity with her. We both pulled away for air for a moment before I lips met yet again but this time there was an underlying desire, a hunger, a passion, there was lust. There was just so much feeling in this kiss. It was impossible for me to catch my breath when we kissed like this. I felt like I was being devoured by her love, by her passion, by her desire for me and it left me so absolutely breathless. I was drowning in her.

This time when we pulled away our eyes were locked … the way we were looking at each other … there was an emotion, a feeling, I could think of no words for. There was an undeniable need, a desire, a hunger, a yearning for something more in that second kiss we shared. There was so much want, so much craving, so much longing and ache in the way we kissed and looked at each other in this moment. There was a slow awakening happening within me. I could feel it. I could almost see it. It was an all consuming feeling. It was … an almost distant … memory.

I gasped. I was taken back to somewhere that seemed so far away … so familiar and yet so … strangely … unfamiliar all at once. It was peculiar that I felt myself being sucked away into a world I did not know … or at the very least I didn't remember. I was seeing something as if I was having an out of the body experience and it shocked me so much.

I was young … I couldn't be any older than seven years old and I looked … happy and so carefree. I was in a hot place seemed due to the shorts and tank top I was wearing all finished with flip flops and my hair was tied back to keep my neck cool. I was with someone … an older woman who looked like … my mother. She was holding my hand as we walked to somewhere after leaving a store and I had an ice cream cone in my other hand. My memory, vision or whatever it might be ended soon after that and I felt my cheek being patted gently when I 'woke up' from whatever had just occurred.

Alice was looking at me with concern as she called my name out softly. "Bella … Bella … Bella are you all right? Please answer me. Bella, please?" She sounded so desperate and frightened that as soon as I was brought out of whatever it was I took her hand in mine and kissed the back of it softly. She gasped out in surprise at the sudden action and blushed delicately at the tender action in response.

I smiled up at her softly and used my free hand to push her into my chest and I gently laid my chin on top of her head. She was still for a moment before she snuggled further into my chest and rubbed her face into me gently. It was her silent way of asking, I wasn't sure how I could tell but when it came to Alice … I always just knew. And I answered her verbally. "I think … I just … saw something … like a vision … or a memory of some sort Alice. I think I remembered something. I can't really tell if it was or not but it had to have been because I know that … whatever it was I saw … it was a memory of me and someone else. I think she might have been my mother. It was so brief and some of it was fuzzy … like I was looking at it through a fog … through a blurry lens. It was so … vivid even despite how the hazy images were. It was … I am happy I saw it even though I am still confused about it and why it was so indistinct."

I looked at Alice and she was smiling softly in my direction which got me feeling great adoration toward her. I couldn't help the happy smile that spread widely over my face and she just giggled in adoration. "Bella … I love you. I am so glad you saw a memory even if it was something you don't understand. Do you remember what it was you actually saw Bella?" At the shake of my head she gave me a gentle peck on my lips. "It's okay Bella. You just take your time remembering. You don't need to feel pressured because I can wait … I will wait for you as long as it takes because I love you. I will always wait for you Bella." The gentle smile on her lips the love shining in her eyes … it made me feel so dizzy with desire before I knew it our lips were pressing roughly against each other.

She moaned loudly at the rough contact and it caused jolts of tingles to spread through my entire body and fiery warmth seemed to grow in the area between my legs. I felt the pleasurable but almost painful throbbing in my center increase with every swipe of her tongue and every groan of pleasure leave her lips. The sound was like hot coals keeping a fire burning in my center. I couldn't take it anymore and I abandoned her lips to nip at the skin of her neck and the whimpered that fell from her lips was well worth it.

She was panting hard and her moans were growing in volume and intensity and I felt myself become lost in the sensation of her skin and her hands buried in my hair. She turned her head to give me more access and her fingers curled into a fist as I licked and nipped at the delicious skin bared before me. She tasted so sweet and I couldn't help my growing desire for her. It felt like something in me was about to break but I couldn't tell what it was.

I pressed down further and nipped at her collarbone next and the heavenly sound of her voice was a just reward for my effort. "_Yes._ Oh God _YES_, Bella … mm … uh … I," she was panting heavily through her moans and sensually uttered words of approval. Her hand dropped from my head to pull me back for just a moment and the look of pure, unadulterated desire in her eyes made me grow even wetter and hotter for her. The sexual energy between us was undeniable and though I was sure we had done this before, that we had made love before, I felt regret bubble in me for not being able to remember it.

All of the want and desire I felt for her evaporated at the thought and she seemed to notice my shift in mood immediately. I looked down and felt her eyes on me. I realized that because I was so much taller than her she could actually still see my face because she was so much smaller. I looked up to the ceiling instead as I let out a heavy sigh and took in a deep breath. I felt the buildup of emotions become stifling in its strength and intensity … I let out another breath of air slowly this time though.

"Bella …?" The worry was so evident in her tone of voice and what shone most was the loving concern in her eyes, her expressive eyes. "Look at me baby, please? Tell me what's wrong. I don't like seeing you upset like this. It hurts me so much to see you suffering … so please tell me what's wrong." I couldn't help but love her even more for being so kind and patient. I think … I might have fallen in love with her again in that moment because she knew me so well … I didn't even know who I was anymore but she still did.

I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly in an effort to calm myself just a little bit before I spoke my thoughts and feelings. "Well … Alice it's just that … I don't know how I know this or why I even think this but … I'm quite sure that we've … made love before. I have this feeling in my heart and in my mind that we have certainly done so before … I can see it in your eyes how painful it has been to be so gentle and careful with me in how you touch me because you're so terrified of scaring me away. I know that you have been even more cautious in all of your actions toward me because of this … and I love that about you but … I am not … a fragile piece of glass. That's not what's bothering me most though … I … I can't … I feel so terrible for not being able to remember … _anything_ Alice. I can't remember you even though I can remember that this feeling … is love. I … I—" and she interrupted me with her lips pressing gently against mine.

I stopped at the feeling of her heavenly soft lips pressing against mine so tenderly and lovingly, there was so much warmth in the affectionate brush of her lips. She pulled away and I was left in a daze, a haze full of Alice. "Bella … as sweet as it is that you want to remember all of our time together and all of our memories you can't force your brain to regain the memories you lost. I know it's hard for you Bella. I really do. I can't help you anymore than by being here and taking your hand when you need it but I can do this … I can show you how much I love you even if you can't remember our … first time together. I still love you and I don't mind that you don't remember because it's not as if you wanted to forget everything in the first place. And also … thank you for trying to reassure me Bella … I didn't realize I was being so careful with you. In fact … what you can do is make new memories with me … and I know just the way to show you how much I love you without being too cautious."

And with that said she pulled me up from her couch and before I knew it I was being pressed against a wall in a searing kiss that left me breathless. This kiss was not the gentle kiss we shared when she was comforting me … no this was a kiss full of passion and desire. It was heated and I felt my body shudder in pleasure as I moaned into her hot, wonderful mouth. Her tongue was playing with mine, egging mine to come out and to fight for dominance and it was just amazing how she was making me feel. I particularly loud groan escaped my mouth when her thigh found its way between my legs and pressed into my throbbing hot core, probably feeling how completely wet and drenched I was through my denim jeans.

She pulled away from my lips and softly pressed her lips against my ear, her hot breath blowing against my neck and ear. I shivered and shudder with want as she spoke so softly into the sensitive cartilage, "is that what you meant? Oh Bella we haven't in so long … I am so _wet_ for you. I love you so much and I want you so much. Do you want me too?" At my eager nod I felt her right hand trail down the inside of my arm and down my stomach until she reached the button and zipper on my jeans. "Are you wet for me … are you hot for me … are you dripping in desire for me Bella?" She panted hotly into my ear and a loud moan erupted from deep within my throat as she unbuttoned my pants and pulled the zipper down.

"Oh … God … _Alice_." I whimpered as her finger rubbed up and down my soaked underwear. She chuckled softly in response and I felt my stomach tighten and my core throb even more painfully at the arousal I felt. I was so wet and so hot. The feeling of her fingers rubbing up and down against my slit and stopping at my protruding clit to tease it was driving me so crazy with ridiculous want for her. She started moving her hand back up to the very tip of my panties and I felt myself whine in disappointment at the thought that she was going to leave me breathless and full of desire for her. I was proven wrong when I felt her fingers dip inside and I groaned in pleasure at the feeling of her fingers, her skin, rubbing against my slick center. I was soaking wet and I could tell that she was smirking into my neck at the knowledge.

"Oh … did I really make you that wet Bella?" From what I was seeing and feeling now it seemed that the normally kind, shy almost, gentle Alice was a completely different person when it came to sex. She was a teasing seductress and I felt myself grow even wetter at the thought of what she was going to do to me … what wicked things she might possibly do to me in this room. She moaned upon feeling how easy it was to slip a finger inside without even using my juices as a lube as she dipped her middle finger inside of me easily. "Oh Bella … you're so _wet_ for me. You're completely _soaked_. Oh … my God you … you feel so tight and … oh so good … _fuck_." I had never heard Alice swear before in the last two weeks since I woke up and it was … such a turn on. She had slipped her finger inside until she was knuckled deep and she moaned at the feeling of me tightening around her finger at hearing the word slip out of her mouth. "You … just tightened around my finger … oh _shit_ you feel so _fucking good Bella!_" Alice yelled.

It seemed that the more profanities Alice yelled the wetter I became and the tighter I clenched around her amazing finger. Without me even verbalizing a single thing she seemed to know that I wanted more of her, that I needed to feel more of her inside me. She pulled out slowly and added her index finger and we were both moaning and shuddering in pleasure at the heavenly feeling. She started pumping her fingers in and out slowly and before long she was quickening her pace until she was slamming into me so hard her palm was slapping against my clit and there was a satisfying squelch every time she entered me. The wet slapping noises echoed in her room and our moans reverberated with the pleasure we were feeling.

I thrust my hips up in time to each of hers and I was feeling so high … I was in so much pleasure I knew it wouldn't be long before … "ooooooh _fuuuuuck_ … Alice … Alice I … I … _ALICE!_" I couldn't do more than scream her name in absolute pleasure as I came so hard against her. I was experiencing an orgasmic high I had never felt before … or could remember ever feeling anyways. I dropped my head into her neck as I felt her fingers continue to pump in and out of me slowly, drawing out my orgasm as long as possible. We were both breathing heavily, panting from the blissful exertion. When I finally found my voice again I whispered into her neck, "Alice … that was … so … amazing." I said in between puffs air.

Alice nodded in agreement, her fingers still buried deep inside of me, "that … certainly was … amazing. You've never been this tight before or … wet. Oh God … you felt so … _amazing_." She breathed in soft wonder. It made me feel so … wet again hearing her say that and I knew she could feel my not so subtle squeezing and tightening around her fingers. She moaned again and I shuddered at the feeling of her fingers wiggling inside of me. "Oh … you're still so … _wet_ Bella … can you … can we … again?" She asked softly, apparently she was unable to form coherent words while extremely turned on. I nodded against her and she pulled her body away but kept her fingers inside of me.

The walk to the bed seemed to take an eternity even though it was really only a few feet away from the wall we were just having sex against. She pushed me down into a sitting positions as she tugged at my shirt, fingers still buried deliciously deep inside of me. I got the hint and took my shirt off and sat up just enough to pull my jeans and panties off all in one fell swoop. I tugged at her zipper and buttons and pulled off her jeans and panties off and I shuddered at the sight of her naked bottom half. At the spectacular vision of dark, wet curls hiding her treasure my mouth watered and I wanted to bury my face in between them and lick all of the juice off of her. I wanted to taste her so badly but first I needed to take care of her blessed button down shirt. I unbuttoned as quickly as I could and easily removed the left side and Alice reluctantly took her fingers out of me briefly to slip her arm out and we both felt the disappointment of the loss of contact. It was only a few seconds of emptiness for me before Alice was buried deep inside again and we both shuddered at the feel of each other. It felt so right having her inside of me.

"Alice … please … I can't wait anymore." I whined. "I need you to _fuck_ me _hard_. Please … I—" and my words were cut off completely when she pushed me down on the bed and backed me up to the pillows and then pulled out only to slam back into me. I moaned her name as she thoroughly loved me. She knew all of the places that made me squirm in pleasure, whine from teasing, and just _scream_ in bliss. She knew my body like a pianist knows their piano and what notes to play in order to create a beautiful symphony and what chords to play to incite pangs of pain. In short she was amazing in every way and I felt my body shudder and groan with pleasure with every fast and powerful thrust of her fingers.

"Are you almost close baby?" She whispered hotly into my ear. At my nod she started slamming into me but slowly pulling out before slamming back in hard and I felt my abused clit twitch in pleasure. She played with the nub with her thumb and palm when she slammed back into me roughly. The painful pleasure was so great I found myself groaning in orgasm in a matter of moments and we both shuddered at the feeling of me tightening impossibly around her fingers.

When I finally stopped shuddering from yet another powerful orgasm Alice pulled her fingers out of me slowly and I saw the white, wet juices coating her fingers. She was looking right into my eyes as she slowly brought her hand up and stuck her tongue out as she ran her index finger across it … licking the juices off. I thought it was impossible for it to happen again so soon but … I was turned on again … I was completely wet at the sight of her doing something so … erotic. She put both of her fingers inside her mouth and I heard her moan at the taste of me and I felt myself grow even wetter at the sexual sight.

When she pulled her fingers out with a pop and I lost it and soon I found myself hovering over her wet curls and she gasped at the swift change. I hovered only for a moment to smell the mouth watering scent of Alice's arousal before I dove right in and licked up her slit causing a loud moan of approval. I did again only I pressed harder and I heard the guttural sound of her moaning and her hips bucked up into me. I snaked my arms around her thighs when her bucking became too frequent for me to enjoy eating her out like I was. I couldn't resist anymore and I pushed my tongue inside of her and moaned at the delicious taste of her. Her hands were buried in my hair and she was thrusting her hips up before letting them fell back down and soon she was tongue fucking herself. I let go of her hips because it felt so good to just let her hips pick the rhythm she was riding my tongue so fucking good.

After the first few thrusts without my hands to keep her hips in place she was bucking wildly against me and I was enjoying it so much I moaned and the vibrations made her thrust even more madly. Not long after she was coming delightfully into my mouth and I swallowed everything that came out of her wonderful center. I pulled away after the last drop and licked my lips and licked up and down her still wet slit and made sure I got every last bit of juice. When I looked down at her she had a glazed look on her face and she looked completely spent. I smiled down in satisfaction and lay down to her right and pulled her warm body into me. I wanted to pull the covers over us but I was too content to have her in my arms at that moment and decided it could wait for a little longer.

I never should have closed my eyes … what happened next had me feeling so scared … a tight grip took over me at the images that flashed in my mind.

I was having a terrible dream, a nightmare about something I couldn't remember. I was walking somewhere and then I heard tires screeching and I felt pain … so much pain all over my body. I had never felt so much excruciating pain before in all of my life … that I was sure of. I kept tossing and turning … fidgeting. My hands kept reaching for something that wasn't there. I felt like screaming but my throat was too clogged up … closed up from the unimaginable pain I was feeling everywhere.

I felt something … I felt like I was being shaken lightly but I couldn't wake up from this nightmare. I remembered hearing a voice … such a familiar voice but … I couldn't make out what was being said at all. I felt something warm against me before I blacked out again and I woke up to the feeling of someone gently shaking me. I opened my eyes a tiny crack to see worried topaz colored eyes staring back at me with so much concern and love.

"Bella … Bella … please wake up … oh what should I do? Oh please Bella … open your eyes and tell me what's hurting you." Her voice was so soft and gently, so loving and kind I couldn't remember what had been so disconcerting only moments before. I squeezed my eyes shut before I opened them again and saw her eyes look at me with relief and she released the breath she had been holding. "Oh thank goodness! I was so worried Bella! You … you were moving around and you were whimpering and groaning as if you were in pain! I was so scared that … that you were … hurting and that was why you were tossing and turning like that. Are you all right now? What was wrong baby?" At the endearment I felt a small smile tug at my lips.

"I'm going to be completely honest Alice … I don't remember." I whispered softly. "I … I was … I … I …" I groaned brought my hands up to my head. My head was hurting … it was almost as if something was trying to break out of it. It was throbbing painfully and I felt it continue to increase until it felt like my head was about to explode from the pain. I was crying and whimpering in absolute anguish as Alice continued to try and get me to calm down. She wasn't leaving me though. She pulled my head into her lap as she called out someone's name as she continued to cradle me so gently and tried to soothe me.

I couldn't tell what was wrong or why it hurt so much but the pounding was growing stronger and stronger until … I saw total darkness … it was completely dark only for a few moments until I saw something. It was strange … I saw … images … fuzzy images of two shapes … they looked like people … and then it was gone … I saw the outline of someone bending over what appeared to be another person's body. Several images flashed by just like that and then they were gone just as quickly.

And just like that … the pounding stopped very briefly before it started up again and my vision came back to me. Esme and Alice were both with me and Esme appeared to be trying to give me some kind of pill while Alice held my head up gently. They both looked so scared for me. "Here … take this Bella … it may help with the pain you were feeling in your head." Her voice was so soft and gentle … so motherly. I nodded and took the medication and took the glass of water gratefully.

Though my head was still pounding it wasn't as agonizing as it was it still throbbed and soon … I found myself in a much more peaceful sleep.

So this is chapter 15 and I hope it is up to par. I hope there are many readers and reviewers tonight telling me their opinion on whether I should end it the next chapter and possibly start a sequel or if I should continue on with this one a little longer!^^ Tell me your thoughts on this matter please!^^ And lastly thank you for reading up until this point!^^

姫宮光る


	16. Forgotten Memories

Chapter 16

Forgotten Memories

I was tossing and turning in bed. I was breathing hard and gasping … it felt as if I was remembering something impossibly distant. I felt wind, I could taste the coldness in the air, I could feel the touch, the gentle caress, of the freezing cold air, I could smell the wonderful scent of frozen pine … and then I felt it. I heard glass shatter and felt my body burning with searing pain. I felt the ground as I met it … and then I woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily at the left over sensation from my dream. My body felt hot and uncomfortably numb in some areas. It hurt to breathe so hard, as if I had been running for miles on end without a break.

I woke up with a start, upright and gasping for air. It was still dark in the room so it was still late and when I looked over at the clock 3:42 AM showed in neon blue. My heart was beating crazily … it felt like it wanted to beat right out of my chest and it was throbbing so painfully and wildly. _I … what was I just dreaming? My heart … it hurts so much._ I reached a hand up to grasp at my painful and aching chest. This intense burning pain felt so incredibly intense I couldn't ignore it. My head was throbbing and my chest was aching. And before I knew it Alice was awake as well.

"Bella?" I heard her soft voice and then I felt her searching hand. I watched as her hand located me and I trailed my eyes up from her arm to see an adorable, endearing sight. Alice was rubbing the sleep away from her eyes and she looked like an angelic, innocent child waking up slowly. I just sat and smiled at the sight of her beautiful face. "Bella, why are you looking at me like that?" She asked me softly a smile present on her lips as well.

I shrugged, "because I just like being with you … and being able to look at you like this … and knowing that you love me so much and feeling how much I love you. I just … well I just like being able to be with you like this and feeling safe and secure with you around me. It—" I stopped because a remnant of my dream came to my mind again … well nightmare might be a better fitting word considering the contents of my dream. I felt the memory of it rush over me and it was almost as if I couldn't breathe again for just a moment. I gasped at the memory of the chilly air I felt and the intense burning, throbbing pain that followed only moments before I fell against hard asphalt. This memory … this nightmare gripped me viciously with cold, steel claws and I felt the throbbing, dull ache in my chest again as well as an intense pain spreading throughout my body cruelly. It felt as if my body and mind were trying to remind me of something I'd forgotten … something important I lost … a forgotten memory I just couldn't seem to grasp. It felt like my bare hands trying to keep hold of grains of sand, an impossibly difficult task.

I felt her hand grasp onto mine gently and I saw her sit up, worry evident in her features. "Bella, what is it? What's wrong? You were talking and then you just stopped and you had a faraway look on your face." I shook my head slowly and squeezed her hand gently. I just couldn't articulate anything just yet and Alice squeezed my hand reassuringly and nodded gently, "I understand Bella. Just take your time. There's no rush." It never ceased to amaze me how much she understood me and everything I seemed to be struggling with.

"I regret not being able to remember anything even more as each day passes by and I can only see fragments … blurred remains and pieces of memories that just don't fit. I'm just …" I sighed deeply before continuing on with my thought, "extremely frustrated by it all. It's quite irritating for me to know that you know me so well and that you remember me while I … I'm struggling to remember things that happened a month ago … three weeks ago. I just … I wonder why this had to happen to me … why me of all people? How could this happen to me … I'm sure I've made mistakes … but having life slip through my fingers like grains of sand fluttering away in the wind … it is so completely upsetting. I just want to remember something … _anything_ … I just want to remember something about my life before the accident. I want to remember you … I want to remember how you and I began … how this love started … how I felt when I kissed you for the first time … my feelings when we first met. I want to remember how we fell in love because it just feels like life keeps slipping away because I can't remember how we used to be before it all … I just want my memories of you back." I whispered the last eight words brokenly.

Before I even knew what was happening I had collapsed into my hands shaking with sobs and weeping tears openly, heartbrokenly. Alice enveloped me into her arms and held my shaking shoulders and my form folded up into its self as I continued to cry and shake from the force of my broken, sobbing cries of anguish. The most important person to me in the world … I couldn't even remember who she was just a few weeks ago … and now … I had memories of her … but it wasn't the same. I wanted to remember how we fell in love … how I confessed my feelings to her … how we came to be lovers. I just wanted it all to come back to me … to appear in my mind once again so I could remember everything that happened that lead to our relationship … that was all I really wanted back.

I wanted to remember how I felt when I first saw her … I wanted to remember how I fell in love with her … I just wanted that part of my life back. It was the one thing I hadn't been given in these last four weeks of no memory but what happened when I first woke up. I wondered what I could have possibly done to deserve this painful misery of not remembering anything more than the last month of my life.

I must have fallen asleep at some point in my crying because when I woke up next I was in bed … alone. I looked at the clock to see that it was nearly nine AM and Alice was not in bed with me nor did she seem to be anywhere in her room. "Alice … Alice … Alice where are you?" I kept calling her name out but she wasn't in her room, her massive closet, or her bathroom. I had not once woken up alone in the past month since I lost everything precious to me in a terrible accident I couldn't even remember. It was an upsetting thought … and frightening for me too. I hardly ever ventured outside of Alice's room by myself … and when I did it was because Alice or Esme wanted me for something. I decided that since I couldn't find her in her room I would go looking for her instead of just waiting in here alone, little did I know how poorly I thought this out because of what happened next …

I shut her door quietly behind me and looked down the long, spacious hallway that seemed endless with many decorations and doors all leading to a magnificent winding staircase. The staircase was very long and had elegantly decorated carved wooden railings as support on each side. The sight of it never ceased to amaze me because of how majestic its beauty was and how absolutely fantastic the view was from both the bottom and top due to the glass windows. In some areas the glass was stained and depicted epically beautiful scenes of grassy meadows and so much more. There was one particularly beautiful image my eyes always seemed to find first no matter where I was. I stood at the top of the stairs to look at the beautiful stained glass showing an image of a lone person kneeling on a street on a rainy day. I couldn't see their face at all but I could tell that the person depicted in the image was female … and the first time I saw it … I remembered feeling sorrow wash over me. That was the emotion I felt pouring through it from the way she stood to the drops of rain that had drenched her body to what appeared to be either raindrops or tears falling from her bowed head. It was heartbreakingly beautiful.

And then _it_ happened. I felt my balance falter because of something pushing at my back … it felt like it could have been someone's hand but before I could react I felt my body fall forward. It seemed like an agonizingly long time before I finally reached the bottom of the 25 foot high winding staircase. I was barely conscious … but I could see something through my blurred vision … I could see that there was someone standing at the top but I couldn't make out who it was. My vision was so blurry I couldn't tell much more than the fact that whoever it was, was a male and then my sight became unfocused before darkness overtook me … before I lost all consciousness. I heard someone just before I lost all consciousness.

I was dreaming something … strange … something familiar … something that felt real … something like a forgotten memory. No, they were all forgotten memories. I could see myself as a child running around in a park and then the image, like a movie, changed so that what I was seeing was me a little bit older. The next jump was several years ahead and I looked like a young teenager and Angela was present in this memory as a young teen as well. It appeared to be a memory of us eating together in a lunchroom … and then it moved to another memory of us both but in the library this time studying. And then another time jump to … my first day of college? I saw through my own eyes the fated encounter I had with Alice and how kind and gentle she was … another slight time jump showed me how I was so injured I was bedridden and under the care of Alice.

More and more memories kept rushing through my mind like a tornado moving 100 miles per hour and then it finally slowed down. In this last memory I saw Alice as I kissed her for perhaps the first time … it must have been after I first confessed my love to her. And then I woke up and the first thing I noticed upon waking up was a beeping sound and then as I woke up little by little I could feel a warm hand holding my own. I felt her head resting on my stomach and I opened my eyes slowly so I could look at my surroundings. I turned my head to my right and saw a chair seating Angela who had her head lying down on my bed, face turned to the side.

I reached my hand out to touch her … I could remember her now … I remembered how we met and became best friends. I could remember every moment we shared in middle school as well as high school up to when we were at college together. I could remember some things from when I was younger but large chunks and pieces were still missing from my memories of childhood. I remembered Alice now and … a sudden realization hit me. My heart sped up quickly to the point that the heart monitor was beeping madly in time with it. I held Angela's left hand in mine and put my other hand on the top of Alice's head and I could feel them both stirring from the noise.

Alice woke up first with a jolt sitting upright, knocking my hand off of her head in the process, and looked from the heart monitor to my face wildly. There was panic in her eyes when her eyes finally locked onto my form and when she saw that I was awake it was mixed with relief as well. Angela awoke next but much more slowly and calmly in comparison to Alice's wakeup call in the form of an outrageous beeping heart monitor. She sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep from her eyes before opening them both and looking right at Alice and then when she realized where line of sight was directed towards she followed it to me. The reaction she had was so comical I started laughing and my heart monitor slowed down significantly. Her eyes had bulged out of their sockets and she looked as if she had just seen a ghost or something equally shocking.

"… B-B-Bella! You're awake! Oh my GOD!" It seemed to take a few seconds for it to truly sink in before she started yelling for a nurse, who ended up being Rosalie who was off duty and in the waiting room with Leah. She ran out of the room screeching Rosalie's name. "Rose, Leah! You both have to come see this for yourselves right now! She's awake! She woke up just a minute ago!" And then her voice faded out of my radar. Everything else melted away when Alice looked into my eyes.

"You're … you're really awake Bella. Oh, Bella, I was so worried about you. I was so … I was so, so scared that you might never wake up again because of what happened … I came home and …" she stopped and the look of pain in her eyes hurt me. "I was so frightened … I—" I lifted a finger up to her lips and she stopped again, tears fell in gentle rivulets down her pale cheeks. I brushed the tears from her eyes tenderly. I became lost in her eyes.

"Alice … I remember you now … I remember everything about you. I love you so much … I've come home baby, now that we're together again like this." I smiled at her softly and pushed myself up into a sitting position, holding her face with my hand. She nuzzled into my hand as much as she could and I brought my head down so that our foreheads were touching in the gentlest of connections. "My love I'm sorry you had to wait so long but I'm home now, I'm truly yours again and you're my Alice, my one and only love. I've missed you and I'm sure you've missed me too." I said softly. She nodded her head and pressed further into our connected foreheads.

"You two are just too sweet … I'm surprised I haven't gotten any new cavities yet from watching you two being so lovey-dovey." Leave it to Angela to burst our moment surrounded by a bubble labeled 'Bellice land'.

Leah walked forward, with Rosalie in tow, until she reached the chair and she sat down, pulling Rosalie down onto her lap. Rosalie for her part complied despite the slight pink tint to her cheeks and buried her face into Leah's neck. She seemed to be overwhelmed with something and so she sought her lover's comfort and Leah held her securely in the safety of her arms.

"How are you feeling little sister? I am so relieved to see you awake and already being in love again with Alice." She hesitated and it made me wonder what exactly it was she was hesitating in talking about. She closed her eyes briefly before opening them again and determination showed brightly in them when she did. Her voice was strong and steady but cautious, "do you … do you remember anything yet?" She looked at me head on with gentle care blatant in her gaze and facial expression, a face filled with love and concern. At my nod she looked at me with relief and pressed her face into Rosalie's shoulder for a few moments before she looked into my eyes once more. "So … what do you … what do you remember Bella?" This time her voice was full of hope and trepidation.

I pulled away from my connection with Alice and pulled her to sit on the bed next to me and I pulled her tiny frame into my body. She wrapped her arms around me easily and held me gently to her body and nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck. I leaned down slightly to kiss the top of her head before I answered. "I remember almost everything … I can't remember a good deal of my childhood but I remember everything from when I was 12 up until the accident and then after I woke up. I remember you telling me that I am your little sister … I remember how Angela came to be my best friend … I remember Alice. I remember how we met and how I fell so in love with you for your kindness and just about everything else. You … I remember my first impression of you Alice … I thought I had died and gone to heaven because you were so beautiful and gentle … just so wonderfully you. It might have been love at first sight actually now that I can remember it much more clearly and in vivid detail like this." I stopped for a moment to organize my thoughts a bit. Things were much clearer now but it was a bit of a jumble in my mind and I needed to sort through it all.

"I'm so happy for you Bella. I'm so happy that you can remember it now but I wonder what happened to the rest of your childhood memories. Actually … now that I think of it, why was your heart monitor beating so crazily earlier? You looked like you were terrified by something and your heart was beating quickly to show it too." All was quiet for a few moments before she tensed up slightly in my arms and she sat up so she could look me in the face. "Wait … Bella do you know what happened to you? I mean do you remember what happened? You are bruised everywhere! You are so lucky you didn't break any of your bones from what my father said." She buried her face into my chest again, shaking.

I felt no pain in my body for whatever reason in this moment and it was most likely because of some kind of painkiller from one of the ivies I was hooked up to. I thought about the forgotten memories I dreamed of while I was unconscious and I had to ask Alice something … well two things. "Alice how long was I unconscious for?" I didn't want to make her panic even more about things but I had to tell her what I remember happening when I fell.

"It's been … um … a few hours because when I came back home it was just about five minutes after nine and you were still conscious … but just barely. I … I was so frightened to see you like that … I ran over to you and fell to my knees in horror by your head. I kept trying to wake you but … you were out cold. Edward came running down the stairs when I started screaming and crying. He asked me what happened and I said I didn't know … but that you must have … fallen down the stairs." Alice stopped after that and she sounded like she was choking on her tears and it pained me to hear that kind of sound coming from her.

"Alice …" I held her to me and she nuzzled into me, "Alice … I … I remember what happened. It … it wasn't that I fell down because I'm clumsy … I was … I was pushed down the stairs … by Edward. It could only be him … because I know that no one else was home … and I also remember something else Alice … I remember hearing something before I lost all consciousness. I … I'm sorry to say this but I heard him say 'you'll never drag my sister into hell with you, you filthy sinning whore. I won't let you drag my sister to hell with you, you disgusting dyke,' and then I thought I heard your voice before I lost all consciousness." I took a deep shuddering breath. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news … I didn't want to make this kind of confession but … what choice did I have? "I'm so sorry Alice … but I … I also think he purposefully drove into me because of the fact that I didn't lose consciousness immediately and I heard something. It sounded like him saying something like … 'this should do it' … but I can't be certain because I was in such immense pain until I passed out. I really don't want to say these things but … I don't know what else to make of it Alice … I know that it's not easy to hear … it's not even easy to say."

I couldn't even go on anymore because my tongue felt like lead in my mouth and throat felt dry and itchy. It wasn't a pleasant feeling at all … and knowing that it hurt Alice made it that much worse for me. It felt like tattle telling to me … like I was in kindergarten again and I was telling on Edward for putting a booger on me … or more like punching me in the nose. It wasn't something insignificant … it was anything but, but I still felt as if I shouldn't have said anything because Alice was so devastated. I could feel the tears still dripping down from my shoulder to my collarbone as she cried silently, heartbreakingly so. I had never felt so much pain before in my life; at least nothing like this had ever occurred before. I had felt immense physical pain … but never anything like this emotional distress from knowing that my love was suffering and hurting inside, that was what killed me. It hurt to know that her tenderness, her ache was a result of something I said.

I almost started to cry from this unbearable cross I had to carry. Finally someone spoke in the now too silent room, "Bella … are you sure about this? Are you completely certain of this, of Edward being the perpetrator, Bella? I mean … I know Edward and … he's never done anything violent like this before … he's usually pretty nice when it come to Leah and me being a couple if not a little tense about it. I'm not saying that I don't believe you Bella. That is not the case at all … I just want to make sure that you are 100% sure about this, Bella." Rosalie, I could tell, wasn't trying to accuse me of lying about what I said at all because Rosalie was always sincere and genuine when the situation called for it. I thought back to what had happened and I knew that there was no way it could have been a hallucination or anything of that nature.

"I'm … unfortunately 100% sure that it was Edward's voice I heard twice and not only that but when … I was standing at the top of the staircase I was absorbed in an image. I was looking at one of the beautiful stained glass windows when I felt someone's hand pushing me forward until I fell. It all happened so quickly but there was nothing else that it could have been but Edward's hand pushing me past the edge of the staircase's top. I know for certain that it had to have been his hand because no one else was home and no one else would have wanted to hurt me. I don't want to be sure of this but I … I know that this is the truth … that it is what truly happened to me Angela, Rosalie, and Leah. I know that it is hard to believe but … I can't say it any other way than this." It was not something I wanted to be right about because Edward was, after all, Alice's older brother. And I finally heard from the one person I wanted to hear from most in this room.

"Bella … I … Edward's my brother but … I have always felt as if there might have been something … a bit different about him. I mean … his initial reaction to you wasn't exactly ideal but it was definitely not what was warranted from the situation. I … still can't believe that he hurt you that day when you first met … you were bleeding so much and he … didn't even apologize … he didn't care that he was wrong. I believe you Bella. I believe you wholeheartedly because I know you would never lie about anything ever because you're such an honest person. I love you … and I love Edward too but if it has to come down to it … I know that no matter what it will always be you. As much as I want to disbelieve something so terrible about my brother … I know that there is a chance … a possibility that he would do something so drastic to you." Alice shuddered and whimpered. I pulled her even further into my chest to comfort her as best I could and she snuggled into me as much as she could but it didn't feel like it was good enough.

"I'm so sorry love … if I could change this I would but … I have no doubts that Edward was the one who did all of this to me." I held her to me tenderly but I could still feel her shuddering and I could still hear her silent whimpers and sobs, I could still see the pain she was in. It hurt to know that this was caused by something out of my control, something I couldn't possibly change, but I would do anything to take this pain away from her. I knew in my heart of hearts that there was absolutely nothing I could do to change it no matter how much I wanted to. This was something that was not meant for me to try to undo.

"I am furious now … I can't believe that … bastard did this to you Bella!" Leah was infuriated and when I heard her voice I looked over to her and her face was nothing like I had ever seen before. Ihad never seen such an expression on her face before, one of fury and hatred, and there was a fire burning in her eyes so fiercely I was very startled to see. "He sickens me! He's the reason … people like him are the reason for gays and lesbians killing themselves or being killed by sick homophobic bastards like him. It sickens me that I even spoke to such an ignorant, homophobic psycho like him." Her head was now bowed and she looked like she was shaking with fury and Rosalie held her gently around the waist and pulled her face into her shoulder. Rosalie was at her gentlest and I had never seen a more tender or loving expression on her face like this one in Leah's moment of weakness and vulnerability. It was such a heartrending but beautiful sight to behold. The way they were interacting with each other was so intimate, affectionate, and sweet and yet there was a bittersweet sorrow surrounding them as well. It was so conflicting but understandably so.

Angela had been silent this whole time and I looked up and was surprised to see that she seemed to be at war with herself. She looked up from the floor she had been glaring and poignantly staring at for what must have been at least ten minutes. She opened her mouth but no words seemed to be able to escape from her … no words seemed to want to leave her mouth because no sound came from her. She looked so strained and pained like I had never seen her before either. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth painfully tight before she opened her mouth, this time sound coming forth though reluctantly it seemed.

"Bella … I know he heard the whole thing because I just saw him walking by when this all first started … and I wanted to say something but I feared something worse would happen. I didn't want that to be a possibility at all but I know he's going to try to slime his way out of this somehow … he's an asshole. I don't know what I could have possibly seen in him!" She was so emotional and the whole room collapsed into a silent shock.

I was the first to speak up, "y-you … what?" I was completely dumbfounded. "You like him?" I said no more I was far too surprised … shocked out of my mind really. I really wished for something good to happen … some good news out of all of this crazy drama. Well almost anything but what happened next.

I give my sincerest apologies to all of my fans for the long awaited update. I was in the hospital for nine days right after the American New Years and I had since been recovering. I feel that now that I am feeling much better I can finally write this last chapter for you all to enjoy and it will be slightly shorter than what I usually target chapters to be. I hope that I still have fans after all of this and that you aren't too terribly upset with me for being on hiatus for so long. I will most definitely be writing a sequel sometime in the near future though so I won't leave you hanging!^^

姫宮光る


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